It has been a while!

OK.. so I have been MIA for a bit. But I always come back.

The last few months have been nuts! Birthdays, Inventory at work, Craziness at work, New duties at work, more birthdays, holidays, colds etc... well that brings me here!

After a wonderful holiday with our kids we all came home with a bad cold (excluding the hubby, lucky dog!) I have contracted yet another nasty cold that has literally knocked me on my Butt again! I am getting really frustrated with the nasty colds, but that is for another day!

So what have I been thinking about... Well it's been a recollection kind of month. My baby boys are starting school tomorrow. Where the heck did the last 5 years go? I have been dreading this day since I found out I was pregnant with them. All of my friends think I am nuts, they wonder why I am not excited? Well I feel like this is when I let them go, they aren't mine anymore. They are being sent into the big bad world. How do you keep them safe? How do you start the process of letting them fly? I guess I will find out tomorrow! I am thankful that they are together however sending two off at once is just a little more than I am ready for. I am so thankful that I still have my daughter at home. I can't even begin to imagine what it is going to be like when they are all in school.

It is amazing how things change so quickly when you have small children. It's like you blink and bang they are ready for school. I am afraid to blink again as they may be ready to move out.

I worry that I haven't done my job to prepare them for Kindergarten... I worry that something is going to happen to them... I just worry. Guess that's what being a Mom is all about!

Wow time just goes by so fast

#388 - Aww shucks

Soo freaking tired... have to teach wed/thurs this week! Need to get some energy and put on my "I can do it panties" :) Where did I leave those things anyway

KIDDO NOTES
Today was a preschool day. The boys noticed that one of the teachers cars wasn't there this morning. Well Boy1, who I might add has never had an accident, noticed that there was a new teacher today. He peed a little in his underwear. Poor kid was mortified. I left Boy2 with Baby and headed to take him to the biffy. Boy2 of course followed leaving the girl standing there alone. One of the Teachers watched out for her for me (thank goodness! : ) ). I was a little shocked as Boy1 hasn't had an accident since he started using the potty. We figure it was stress due to the new teacher?? He seems no worse for wear, thank goodness.. Poor kid had to go commando when I ran home, good thing we are close, to get some new briefs for the poor fella!

That leads me to my awww shucks moment. When I went to pick up the kids at the end of the day I wanted to thank the gal who took care of the baby while I was trying to get the boys organized at the start of the day. Well I love this woman to death, she is amazing with the kids! (She manages 15 better than I can manage 3 LOL). She took me aside and said to me "You are doing amazing things with these kids, they are the most well behaved and kind kids I have worked with." Then she said "You are obviously doing a great job parenting." Now let me tell you that made my day!!! (I am no super mom, not even close! I am very happy that the kids are so well behaved and good when they are out though! I have been so set on consistency from day 1 and I think that is the one thing that really pays off. No means No and that's it around here. My hubby (you know the one who was being an arce this weekend) also happens to be very kind (go figure?) anyway that gene has definitely been passed on to the kids. You can really only teach them so much and some of it is built in. Let's just hope it gets them through those tough teen years!

The preschool teacher also said to me "I bet you aren't looking forward to kindergarden". Ok so really now can she read my mind too? :)

Her comments really struck a cord. After all the years of pleading with the powers that be that I will try to be the best parent I can if only I can take home that baby one day...... I am just happy that so far so good! We have a long way to go but at least we are starting on the right foot.

and with that thought I am off to bed... here's to better days!

#367 - Busy Busy

Life has been crazy and work is getting nutzo! I took a few days to relax so now it's back at it. Like I say I must be really wicked since they say there is no rest for the wicked!

KIDDO/CHRISTMAS NOTES

This one is dedicated to HOPE... hope that things will change for those still suffering through infertility.

5 Years ago if anyone had of told me that we would have an amazing Christmas like we just had I would have probably wanted to slug and or mame that person. I can't believe how much things have changed. We went from feeling so sad at Christmas to truly enjoying it over the last few years.

Christmas Eve was spent baking with the kids, talking to Elfie, our elf on the shelf and generally getting ready for the big guy in the red suit. We even took a moment to walk around the yard with the kids and we delivered a Christmas Card and some home made Nuts 'N Bolts to our neighbour (they have been married for 25 years plus, no kids... hmmm I wonder?). I even managed to get some family pics out in the snow at night.

Christmas Morning was that of a dream, you know the one you have before you have children... The one you dream of while torturing yourself going through infertility treatments, you know the one I mean if you have been unfortunate enough to have been there done that.

We made the kids wait in their room before they came out. We had the cameras and video cameras ready to go! They came out and walked right past their Santa Gifts. Didn't even see them! Too funny! Then they quietly looked around and we had to 'clue' them in. No hyper craziness (I enjoyed that part! :) ) They were so wide eyed, especially Baby she was in a daze. The kids enjoyed their toys and opened one gift at a time. It took most of the day and we had supper at home so their was no rush. The kids were so good it was kind of scary! :) The evening finished off with 2 four yr olds boxing on the Wii... it was quite a hoot.

Dreams can come true...

Good night

#324 - Arrggg...

OK I am trying to be the bigger person here and help out hubby's friend, but really I am ready for him to leave now. I suppose I would be OK with him staying if at least he would buy some of his own food from time to time. The first week he was here he didn't eat anything... let me tell you NOW he is eating us out of house and home. I suppose the quitting smoking thing isn't helping (and man am I glad he isn't smoking right now or I would have gone batty by now. I just can't handle the smell of that stuff). I think he has just made himself a little to at home now for my liking. I feel like I am ranting like a spoiled child but really I am trying so hard to just smile and be nice... really my hubby is only working 4 days a week dude I really wasn't wanting to spend my little extra work money on filling your belly instead of putting it toward some things that desperately need to be done around here. It's been just over a month now, no work, no input into his own food intake... he does try to help out all he can... So I pray he gets one of his camp jobs very soon so that he can leave for a while. (and to think I was missing his visits! Be careful what you think of you never know what could happen)

Unfortunately kicking him out just isn't an option for us, he has no where else to go. So I really need to step up and just deal with it. Maybe some Karma points will be in my favour some day? Although I suppose grumping about it will reduce the value of the Karma points! :)

I just wish I had the nerve to tell him to eat in the Kitchen NOT in the bedroom! Our basement stairs are sticky from pop and schtuff that has been dripped on the floor... great more floor cleaning to do. So help me out here... I need some of the strength of you blogger wonder gurls to help me get through this! :) (Oh yes and wish the dude some luck to get a job!)

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- house guests that seem like they are never going to leave
- winter weather in the fall
- psoriasis out breaks YUCK
- mornings (still you think I would be over this by now?) :)

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- getting some stuff cleaned up around here
- planning the paint I am going to purchase for the boys room tomorrow! I am going to start with one wall (the black and white checkered flag wall... then go from there. I figured get the hardest one done first then the rest will go much easier! I can't wait to get started
- getting organized to scrapbook on Saturday

KIDDO NOTES
Well the kids weren't quite as crabby today after their late night Sunday night. They are finally getting back to normal crabby instead of extra crabby! :)

I have been working with the kids to put away a toy when they decided to move onto a new one. (When all three get going we are talking MAJOR CHAOS in the matter of minutes!) It's finally working with Boy1, now I just have to get the other two to get on board. Boy2 has been really bad a cleaning up in general lately so I imagine it will be a bit of a challenge to get him going on this one. Baby just yells NO to everything and takes off! (She is a smart one that one!)

Tonight before bed Hubby was laying on the floor while I read them a book. Then Baby decided that she wanted a Horsey ride. She was trying to get the hubbs to get up on his hands and knees so she could go for a ride. Before we knew it both boys were on Dad... his poor back. Then Baby decided mom could give her a ride. She fell right off, and was laughing away. Then somehow I ended up with Boy2 grabbing on to my shirt and digging his knuckles into my back (that wasn't the fun part! :) ) and Baby holding on to him. She was holding on to him around his arms instead of under them, it looked so funny. (We have mirrored closet doors in the kids rooms... Mirrored doors suck with small children in case you are wondering! :) ) When I was 'done' hubby had to come and rescue me from the kiddos on my back, the knuckle digging was not making the ride enjoyable. Then I proceeded to lay down on the floor. Baby decided she wanted me to sit up so she grabs my arm and starts pulling... Exclaiming "Mom HEAVY" (Thanks dear). She then wanted to 'jump high'. So I had to toss her up in the air and catch her. I think I completed my work out tonight! We were all laughing so hard it was a moment in time that I would like to freeze forever...

And now I am back to sorting through photos... I need to print them so I can scrapbook this weekend! :)

Good Night

#291 - Busy busy

Well I made it through 2 more late nights and now I am going to be early! I just hope I can sleep now! :)

I had a great time at the wedding. Got to spend some time with the old kids from the neighbourhood, the ones I used to baby sit! I really enjoyed the visit! (Totally ignored the annoying Mother so I was even happier!)

It was a very small wedding and we shut the place down so to speak! It was a lovely ceremony and the food was awesome!

I worked all day today so now I am just a weeeeee bit tired!

I will be glad to get back to normal hours this week!

Good Night and thinking of those injured at the Big Valley Jamboree (it's a major weekend of country music around here and a bad storm went through and flattened the stage. So far one is dead and 2 are critically injured. I suppose it could have been a lot worse but any loss of life is so tragic.) Mother nature can be so very harsh, I think she must be pmsing all the time!

#286 - Finally!

We finally got into the pool today! It was finally hot enough outside (well too hot), but enough to get the pool warm enough to get into. I really would like to get a solar heater for the pool though as I like it really warm! OK so I don't like it really warm outside but I like it really warm in the pool? OK I am messed up, according to my hubby! (Just like I like the temp of the house about 25 in the winter and that's too hot in the summer... go figure!)

The hubby was even in the pool today. (He's not much of a water guy) He said now we are living the life! HA HA it's a 12' pool 36" deep. Yup definitely high style! HA HA At least it keeps us cool!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- needing a hair cut
- cutting my bangs (hairdresser is going to have a bird) and not doing such a great job! Oh well at least they are out of my eyes now! I didn't touch the rest of my head, but I was tempted. Hubby asked me if I used scissors or a knife. Remind me to make him some chocolate cookies with ex-lax! :)

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- finally having a pool to swim in, well cool off in. A little to small to swim laps, circles maybe?

KIDDO NOTES
Kids were good today. They really liked the pool. Boy1 is like mom, Mr. Freezy. He didn't want to get out and he was shivering away.

Boy1 was is always 'swimming' in the bathtub so we figured he would be the brave one in the pool. NOT! Boy2 was more willing to try things. I don't get it? Just when you think you have the little buggers figured out they change it up!

Ahh and then there is Baby. She was not happy when she got in, but either was I, it's cold at first! She has this thing about walking on 'stuff' other than the usual floor and carpet. She doesn't even like to stand on the ceramic tile in the bathroom. Well there was no stinking way I could get her to put her feet on the bottom of the pool at first. She was floating on her belly and kicking away. She was having a great time. After some coaxing I managed to get her to put her feet on the bottom and walk around. Then she liked that! Toys to play with too! After I had her on her belly she wanted to do it again, but being Miss Independent she wanted to do it herself. She was holding on to the side and sticking her legs out. She comes up will all sorts of original ideas that continually amaze me!

(I just like the pool because I can sit on the bottom and cool off when the kids play! Although I am a bit obsessed with the skimmer. I like to keep the water clean-ish! :)

Yet another day to put in the memory vault as a great day. (It really enforces in my mind how much infertility SUCKS!)

Good Night...

#217 - Friday!

Happy Good Friday to you!

Well I made it through my course... just barely! :) It was just plain painful! I had my largest class ever, 18 people. They were all at varying levels (the painful part). A few students were downright ignorant too! Lovely. I had a really tough time getting through the material. It was just plain gross. I was not expecting to get great reviews, but they were actually pretty good considering how crappy I thought it was going. Two people commented that I was "dull". That one just cracks me up! (I guess I was just too focused on getting through the material this time I guess!) One lady said I was the best instructor she has ever had at the college that I teach at. (That one cracked me up to as this class was just brutal! LOL)

Oh yes and another Lady has asked me to do some contract work for her. Silly me I said yes! It should only be a couple hour job though! I know I am an idiot! :)

I am just listening the the thunder roll. It's raining and thumping here. That should help take the rest of our snow away! :) We never get thunder at this time of year, it sounds kind of strange!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- feeling so tired every time I teach a 2 day course

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- having hubby home for the day

KIDDO NOTES
We had a busy day today! We made chocolates this morning, Baby was even trying to help. I let her lick a wee bit off the spoon that kept her happy for about a half hour! After lunch we decorated Easter Eggs. Baby was totally into that! I couldn't believe it not even a mess, phew! They had a great time with the eggs.

At times like this I think of how lucky I am. So many years hubby and I celebrated Easter, wishing and hoping to one day have a family. I just loved watching the kids create our Easter gifts today it brings me such peace to watch them. At least if I had to suffer for 11 or so years, now I am getting to just enjoy.

Today was our first day without afternoon naps, for the boys. Last night was a yet another nightmare at bedtime so we decided to try not having a nap today. Well at least tonight it seems to have done the trick. Time will tell. Baby had a bit longer nap today and that seemed to make a difference in her disposition this evening too. Now we won't get anything done in the afternoon either! Yikes, when am I going to work?

During Baby's afternoon nap the boys and I had a date with my cricut. I cut out some boxes to put our chocolates in and some cards. The kids love to pull the paper off the mat! They even did some colouring on the boxes.

We did have our usual toy fights today... but other than that it was a great day.

Off to work tomorrow then we have Easter Brunch with the family on Sunday.

Happy Easter to those who Celebrate!

#204 - Weekend update

Well it was a busy one. Friday night was demo night and scrapbooking night in the basement. Saturday I worked all day then worked on my course prep in the evening. I even found a little time to play with my Cricut. I am making some Pooh characters for a friends baby shower (that I haven't decided if I am going to yet, hmm just checked my Calendar, guess I am working so I can't go. Even after all this time I still have this aversion to Baby showers, go figure?)

So now our basement is in a big mess, but hubby has most of the framework from the old, useless storage room, out of the house! I am so excited I just wish it could be done NOW! LOL

Today was a pretty quiet day. Some more basement demo and some more work on my Pooh Characters and some course prep. (I think I must have a short attention span, I have to do a little of everything! Actually it was more like, I would much rather be scrapbooking than course prep!)

I am not looking forward to the week ahead. It's a four day work week for me, plus I need to get going on my next class I am teaching and the system I am building. This is the second go through of this next course so I am thinking I shouldn't have to do much prep for the next one at least! Phew! I have a bit of rework to do for the next course I am teaching though so I need to get to that too! Like March I think April is going to FLY by!

Oh ya and what the heck have I been doing lately... seriously 6 loads of laundry were piled up. I NEVER do that. Bloody time change has really messed up my schedule!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- not enough time to scrapbook
- never getting time to go out for supper with my hubby

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- one of my jobs (the one I really should quit as it doesn't really make me any money, but I just love the people there and the time out. It doesn't feel like work, but it is killing our free weekend time)

KIDDO NOTES
Potty training still sucks! This too shall pass... right?

Friday night the kids played in the basement while I organized some stuff and Dad worked on the destruction of our old storage room. They were really good and we both got lots done. The kids had fun watching Dad cart stuff out. We blocked off the bottom of the stairs so they could watch. They like to 'help' and love to get under foot! Someday I am sure they will understand "it's heavy pleaaase get out of my way", until then we will block things off to keep them from getting stepped on!

Well I am sad, on Saturday while I was at work my boys made their first snowmen. Well it was more like piled up chunks of snow but still. Boy2 even made one for Baby. He is so thoughtful when he wants to be! I have trained hubby well though (maybe too well!) He had the camera and took about 50 pictures of the kids outside. There goes another gazillion scrapbook pages! Maybe by November I can be caught up to the end of last year? One can hope!

This morning we had the kids outside. The snow is so hard in the morning that they are able to walk on top of it. I was even up on the crust so it can take some weight! :) There are spots where it would probably be mid thigh deep if one was to break through. In some of the lower spots every now and again the kids break through, the love it, it's funny when they fall in. Baby was enjoying walking around. She is the one we are going to have to watch, she gets going and way she goes. The boys don't like to get to far from us or each other most of the time. It was a warm one in the sun, hopefully the snow will start to go (and not come back until next winter!) For all of you who are starting to enjoy your spring flowers... I still have to wait until May!

This evening the kids and I played downstairs while hubby continued the rest of the demo. Everything takes a long time with him, he is has to have everything just so and he can't stand a mess! It takes him forever but you should see how clean it is downstairs! Well clean of construction mess anyway. The kids love to check out what he is doing.

I was also in Laundry mode today. Doing and putting away! I must put away because I have a pile more drying on the line(we have a line hanging in our basement, trying to save some dryer power. Doing my part for Earth Day on a daily basis! :)) I think after tomorrow I should only have about 4 loads to do!

Speaking of Laundry hubby asked if I had seen any of his clothes. He lost most of his jeans and underwear and a bunch of T-shirts. He didn't say anything until today, he said he has had to do his laundry twice as often. (I usually do it but I have been so freaking tired lately that my brain is elsewhere.) It has been missing for quite a while. Apparently it was under a pile of kids toys & clothes in our bedroom. We put their stuffed animals in there when they are being bad, then they get them back when they are good. There seems to always be something in our room... ugg! Anyway I decided to dust the bedroom today and guess what we found, the lost clothes. :)

I also cleaned the boys room today. The dust was nasty. I hate dust! I have been using these new swiffer dusters that I am going to do a review on soon, they are awesome! After dusting it was time to vacuum. Well I had my vacuum, Baby had an extra piece of the vacuum, Boy1 had our cordless stick vac and Boy2 felt left out so he went and got Baby's fisher price vacuum. What a site! When they are teenagers and they refuse to help clean I will have to tell them about today! :)

Good night!

#202 - 80's music and Vinyl

No not the kind of vinyl you listen to! I was playing with my cricut today and cutout some butterflies for my wall, then the spares ended up on a closet door and a cupboard door in the kitchen. Why stop there? I put some on my Pantry door too! It all started with wanting to put the word family on the wall with my pictures of the kids! Next stop my bedroom wall, now I just need to figure out what I am going to put on it!

As for the 80's music. I was listening to my gettoblaster (I still have the second one I ever bought. Actually my first one is out in the garage too, but that's another story). Remember when bigger was better, tehehehe! Anyway I have the thing on it's side so it doesn't hold a radio station for very long so I decided to play a... wait for it... Cassette tape. Yes there was a cassette tape in the thing, probably been in there for years! The funny thing was that it was an 80's mix!

My wireless connection has been working all day today! I am just hoping it stays that way!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- spending 2+ days trying to fix my wireless connection

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- my cricut
- working wireless! (for now, someone touch wood for me! )

KIDDO NOTES

The boys were grovin to the 80's music today! I am sure they are scarred for life now. I just can't wait until they are older and bug mom about her music. :)

Baby has really gotten into the scream if I don't get my way phase. Boy2 was really bad for this, but he grew out of it eventually. (Or shall I say it turned into the whine phase!). I do like when she says "nonono" and runs the other way. It is cute right now but I am sure it will get really annoying really quickly!

Baby is already interested in scrapbooking apparently. She wouldn't sit on the chair beside me today (too short I think). She had to sit on my knee. It is interesting to try to adhere photos with a wiggly 21 month old, but hey it's her album, if its not perfect I am sure she will forgive me! She was checking out some of my tools and pens, then she kept busy putting my pens in and out of the holder. She did run off with four pens, but put them back in the container when I asked her too. It was one of those awwwww moments! :)

It's so cool the way all the kids love to look at photos, makes my scrapbooking seem even more important! Besides the dust will wait!

Night

#196 - Time Management

Well I am still having Time Management issues, when I started my part time jobs back in June of last year I thought they would resolve by July. Well it's getting close to a year later and it's not getting any better. I think now I have just resigned to the fact that I now AM A TIME MANAGEMENT issue! :)

I did work tonight but I was MORE than happy to get out of the house, it was a trying day today. I have been so tired this week I haven't had my usual patience. I owe the kiddos this week.

Lucky me (that's what a friend told me) the kids slept in today. They didn't get up until 9am. Usually the get up around 8/8:30 ish. Normally this would be a good thing, but High Maintenance friend thought it was a good idea to call around 8am. So much for getting a little extra sleep. (I have TOLD her and TOLD her not to call so early. She knows my kids don't get up at 6 or 7am like she does. Arg!) I normally don't complain about being tired (except on my blog! :)), she does enough for 2 people. Well today I said something since I was so mad that she called early. I mentioned that I was up late working last night. She said "wouldn't I be less tired if I was working at my old job". Ya then I would never see my kids, at least now I can work at night instead of during the day. Also I am not working 40+ hours a week like I would be doing at my old job, not to mention the stress of my old job. This is the one that is still waiting for me to change the Birth Announcement for her 26 month old (that I started and completed just before Christmas!) Some people!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- see above! :)

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- finishing the final touches on 4 scrapbook pages
- getting ready for Saturday, scrapbooking with my friends!

KIDDO NOTES

It was a frustrating day today. To much grumping for me, from them and me. I felt like crap. But since I worked tonight tomorrow will be a better day.

A note on Baby. Even around here we usually call her by her nickname. I was wondering if anyone experienced this before.

When she was born we named her after my grandmother who had passed several years before. For the longest time I couldn't call her by her name? I am not really sure why. It was just one of those things, so it was nicknames for the longest time. We picked her name moments after she was born, then we never said it out loud to her for ages. It was a weird kind of uncomfortable. It was months before I could say it out loud. I was totally baffled why I felt so uncomfortable using her name, as I knew for years if I every had a daughter that is what I wanted to call her. Now I am trying to call her by her name (I would like her to actually know her name one day!). It's grown on me by now, but I will always wonder why it was so difficult at first?

Good night!

#183 - Are you kidding me?

I feel for the family after the verdict in this case.

No doubt the dude was nuts to behead a man and eat parts of him. But really to to find him not criminally responsible. I am staring to have an issue with this rehabilitate folks that have done bad things anyway. He killed someones child, as far as I am concerned it's one strike you are out. Maybe I am just grumpy but if that was my child I would not want to ever see that guy roaming the streets again. If he went crazy once could it not happen again? Maybe it's time we start protecting the innocent instead of the guilty? To me if we stop one offender from being on the re-offender list we have saved an innocent person from some kind of tragedy.

I suppose those that believe in rehabilitation would chew me to bits and spit me out. If we all lived by the laws of the land in the first place this would be a non issue I suppose?

Anyway I am jumping off the soap box and thinking of the poor family who has to endure the loss of their son.

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- see above

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- my MAC... I am trying out parallels and loving it so far, much easier than bootcamp, we will see how the crash factor goes though! So far so good. I had some issues setting it up, but that's probably because I don't read the instructions, I kind of scan. It seems that I ALWAYS miss the one important step that you need to do! Anyway I am setup and have NO freaking clue what I did! :) I have 14 days to try it out before I buy!

KIDDO NOTES
It was a sweet moment today, all three kiddos sitting at their picnic table colouring. Baby was having a great time and just colouring away, anything to be like her brothers! It was one of those moments that make me happy that IVF worked for us!

The rest of the day was pretty trying, whining, screaming etc! It was fight day, Boy2 has the toy and Boy1 wants it NOW... and so on and so forth! I was very glad when they went to bed tonight, because tomorrow is going to be a better day! :)

Speaking of bed time! Good night!

p.s. I am so excited I have been asked to review another product! Stay tuned for details!

#169 - This gets me every time!

I was poking around on the Generations of Hope site (they raise money for IVF treatments for people who can't afford it) and I found the above link. I just had to click on it and it took me back. *insert tears here* The first time I saw this was after my sixth transfer, I had found out that it didn't work. *insert more tears here*

It is amazing how something can bring you back to a moment so quickly.

So with this I leave you with HOPE... hope that you can cross over to the other side whatever that may be

#163 - A new look

Well I was bored (ha ha) so I decided to create a new template. Actually I just wanted to work on learning something new for a change. It all started with an obsession to learn Adobe Photoshop, and look what it lead to! I still have some "tweaking" that I want to do but it's a start anyway!

The funny thing is that I hate when people change the look of their blogs. It kind of becomes a 'picture' of them and when it changes I get confused sometimes! Let me know what you think!

Today was a busy day, I was trying out a few new blog things and I had to work this evening. Funny thing was I had to do some Adobe stuff at work too! I think I have irritated my arm though, freaking tennis elbow! Oh well this to will pass! :)

On the Mom front, still no calls! I wish I could just cut her out of my life because I am a lot more relaxed and less stress since I haven't been talking to her. She is such a drama queen that always has to stir sh*t up. It's nice to have a break from the drama!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- my sore arm
- cold weather... it's getting nasty again!
- when my remote start doesn't work!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- the cool thing that happens to lights when Horror Frost is on it's way. If you have never seen it it's when the light goes straight up into the heavens. It's very cool and that means we will have some lovely frost on the trees tomorrow!
- long weekends

KIDDO NOTES

Well things are pretty much the same on the Potty Training front. Boy2 mostly goes in the potty, except for the solids. Boy1 goes in the morning and sometimes at lunch, but he is still in accident mode.

All of the kids were super good today. I always enjoy them so much on these days. I try to absorb as much of their goodness as possible as they are so enjoyable on the good days. It's kind of strange to have a day were all three kids are awesome all day. It makes me marvel in the wonder of my kiddos!

We go to play with train tracks today. Boy1 is quite the track builder, he is amazing at problem solving. I think he it's great that his mind works they way it does, he is outside the box, something I wish I could be. One thing I learned from my Mother is not to 'stifle' creativity, like she did and still does. I just let him go and help him when he asks. I don't tell him what to do or the way it should be according to me.

Boy2 is into his cars right now. He likes to ride them up and down the road. He seems like a linear thinker right now. Things have to be in order and he likes to work at things in the order he likes. (Kind of like mom, everything has a place and has to be in order :)). He does have a bit of a creative side, but is more of a follower when it comes to new things.

Baby is so different in a lot of ways. She likes to go off on her own and discover new things and she likes to follow her brothers. She was busy today playing with the furniture in her doll house (I really need to get her a doll that fits on the furniture! It came with all the furniture but no dolls?) I love to just watch her when she is on her 'discovery' walk. She will sit and play for a long time, then she wanders off to her room to get a new toy and back she comes. I just love to kiss her little cheeks, she still likes it when I do that (the boys not so much, but I kiss them as much as I can too).

With that I am off to bed, good night!

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Aldous Huxley

#159 - Another weekend DONE!

I just can't believe how fast the weekends have been flying by. I spent some time outside in the morning, then the afternoon was spent working on more course prep. We had a friend come over for a visit in the afternoon and he stayed for supper. It was a good day!

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- how fast time is flying by before my eyes!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- A day at home with my family

KIDDO NOTES
I got up this morning (kind of late, hubby let me sleep in a bit). Well I looked out the kids window I saw hubby. I never noticed the deafening quiet in the house! LOL. I wondered where the kids were. Then I realized they were outside. All of them, and my sweet baby she was walking around in the snow. I was almost in tears to see how much she has grown up. (happy/sad tears!) She looked like a big pink poof. Her snow suit is a little big for her so her boots were holding the pants up off the ground and she was all puffy. I am not really sure how she was moving! She was walking in the funniest way, little steps, kind of like a penguin. She fell over once and instead of putting her hands up near her head they were down low. In slow motion she would kind of teeter onto her face, getting snow on her face and hat. It was so cute. I grabbed the video camera, threw my boots on (no socks on yet), and coat and headed outside. It's hard to believe she is getting so big. She is just at such a great stage right now that I wish she could stay this way for a while longer than they usually do!

Watching Baby grow makes me a little sad, with the boys it seems that we missed so much as we were just trying to keep up when they were little. It just seems that it's easier to absorb everything that just one little person is doing. I feel as though the boys kind of got jipped of their baby time, having to share Mom and Dad. (Although it was nice to always have a baby to hold!)

The boys were funny outside, they both had the hoods on their jackets on and one of the boys had sunglasses on. They just wandered about, played with the snow, and their shovels. They are very good at amusing themselves, when they want to.

Well you know I have to talk about the Potty! LOL. We now have 2 boys working on the potty training. They were both dry when they got up this morning and directly headed to the potty and did their business. I just cross my fingers that it continues on the good side. I do not like having two potties to empty though, yuck!

The kids and the hubby were all very good today, I guess they all need that fresh air!

I am thinking that I should really post some photos of the kiddos on my blog. I think I may password protect them though. I still am mulling it over as I want to stay somewhat private.

Good night

"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks." -Doug Larson

#151 - Healing after Infertility Part 1

So here goes...

My boys are now 3 1/2 and I think that finally I am on the road to recovery from my battle with infertility.  If someone had of told me that someday it would get easier I would have never believed them way back when.  Infertility has robbed me of so much, but now I want to look at the other side.  Yes getting pregnant was difficult, if only you were done with infertility at that point.   Enjoying my pregnancy was almost impossible and trying again was down right scary. 

Reading some of the other blogs of folks who are still in what I like to call the trenches has actually helped me move forward.  I realized that yes I made it through and yes I had those feelings but yes it does get easier with time.  It's funny that my mantra has always been "it gets easier with time", yet during all those years Time just seemed like my enemy. 

I remember the hope I had when we started IVF.  Well it has to work right?  I figured my hormones were out of whack or something because for a short time I felt better.  I waited for 2 weeks believing I was pregnant, I had to be right?  Well I wasn't, it seemed like all hope was gone.  So what did I do?  Why jump back on the train again.  I talked to a nurse who said sometimes people have better luck with Frozen transfers.  So Hope was back again.  Then the next failed cycle.   This is the time of my life I will never forget.  I never remember feeling so incredibly low.  It was like the lights on my world had been turned off.  Devestation was an understatement.  I suppose there are other things that are much worse, but for me it was the lowest point ever.  For me it was the end of my dream to have our children.  I am not sure that I can put these feelings into any kind of words, but if you have been there you know.

At the time I thought it would never change, time was going by, day by day,  I was getting older.  It was also a turning point as I knew I wanted children so incredibly badly that it didn't really matter where they came from.  So I started to investigate adoption.  I had to take control of my life again as I felt I was spinning down a deep dark tunnel.  It was bad, worse then when I found out I had cancer.  So what do I do in the horrible state, sign myself up for another round of IVF, another frozen transfer.  Looking back now I was a total idiot!  What the heck was I thinking?  I just wanted to do one more get it over with and move on to adoption.  Three was my cut off.  I knew I couldn't take any more dissapointment after that. 

For me it was a stupid move but a lucky one.  Who ever thought 3 would be lucky?  Who cares.  I transferred 3 embryos and ended up with 2 healthy twins after a bit of a nasty pregnancy and we won't even talk about my post delivery issues.

At the time it felt like so long from the time we started with IVF.  But really the boys were only on ICE for 6 months.  It  was strange to me how the time felt so much longer. 

Infertility did rob me of some enjoyment through my pregnancy,  I was still new at it though and didn't have a clue about all the things that could go wrong.  (Thank goodness or I really would have worried way more!).  We made it through and here we are.  I new the minute I saw those boys that it was the best thing that ever happened to me and that I wanted more children (ha ha what was I thinking??  Must have been the hormones).  

I really thought that I would just magically be OK after that, that infertility wouldn't matter.  (Again what the heck was I thinking, 11.5 years, there has to be some baggage right?)  I don't know where I got it in my head that I would be OK with all the stuff that happened before, I am not sure why I thought it would all just wash away?  The pain was still all there an very raw.  Heck when we had them it was just past the year anniversary of our first failed IVF cycle. 

I have been trying to put it all behind me for the last 3 or so years and finally I think I am making some breakthroughs.  I think embracing my infertility has helped.  I do believe it has made me a better mom.  I don't think I would have appreciated the craziness so much if it wasn't so hard to achieve parent hood.  I do wish I was much younger though as energy does seem to be a bit of a factor.  I didn't realize how the pain has moved to a different part of my brain.  Yes it's still there but much more distant now.  I can recall it if I want, but it's up to me, it's not just sitting there up front anymore.  I suppose some of it is because my life is so very full now that there isn't room to dwell on it anymore.

Sometimes I have feelings that I don't really understand, but some of the gals out there can put it into words that have helped me work through my journey.  Blog land has been a wonderful place for me to recover, it has also given me hope.  I have moved forward with many others, and some I know will catch up soon.  (If not mother nature is going to get a swift kick from me!)    I sometimes wonder where I fit in, but now I think I know.  Support, Hope and understanding.  That's what I can give back.

IF Survial

I have battled
I have lost
I have cried
I have won
I survived

#150 - Halfway to 300!

Ok so I thought the title was funny, not exactly sure why though?  OK so it's late and and I am just silly.

I have been trying to get my thoughts together for some interesting posts on IF and surviving IF but everything is in a jumble so far.  I think I am at the processing stage and possibly at the point in my life where I can finally take that deep breath and just go on.  More on all this later when I get my proverbial crap together!

Today I got another scrapbook page done!  YEY!  At this rate I may get caught up in 20 years! 

I am anxious to start playing with my new version of Adobe Photoshop that I just purchased. (educational discount, yey, shouldn't have purchased, but I did!  LOL)  Maybe I will get to do a few things yet tonight!

Well I still haven't heard from the mother!  I thought it was a good thing, but I have noticed that I tense up everytime the phone rings.  Not good, really need to let go and just take her for what she is. 

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- Rain in January, come on I live in CANADA Mr Weather Maker!  Snow, freezing cold, etc. that's January.  Not rain!  The roads were horrible on the way home from work tonight, but I didn't hit anything so that is good!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- Baking with the kiddos
- Coming to some realizations about where I am with my feelings about IF (a post on this coming some day I promise!)
- Making it home safely after a bad drive (glad to know that I can still drive on nasty roads without hitting stuff)
- A happy hubby

KIDDO NOTES
Tonight when I went to work I got hugs and kisses from all three. Now that Baby is walking she comes to give me a hug and a kiss, then she natters away.  It is so hard to leave I just want to remember these moments forever.  Her little face smiling at me after I closed the baby gate, her little wave, saying 'goo bye'.  I could just eat her up! 

The kids all helped make some Chocolate Chip Blondie things today!  OMG they are soooo good.  (I didn't have enough butter so I used 1/2 butter and half margarine and I hate nuts so I left them out and put a few more Chocolate chips in).  OMG yummy!  Sheesh I wonder why I am fat!  LOL!  I always put the dry ingredients in a bowl each for the boys to stir and I gave a bowl to baby so she could stir too.  I think she was a little annoyed that I didn't put anything in her bowl (but she would just eat it anyway!)  I had all my igredients on the counter.  The boys stood on one side and I sat Baby on the counter.  They stirred and had a blast and I gave them all some chocolate chips when we were done.  Baby liked those!  These are the moments that I prayed for so long ago when IF was eating me alive.   I am so incredibly lucky to be living my dreams. 

We also spent some time downstairs, we always have to play downstairs too.  (Yey mom gets a bit of scrapbooking in when we are downstairs.)  Now that Baby is not napping in the morning I get a lot less done.  She needs a little more 'help' at things then the boys do.  Today she was angry that I wouldn't let her play on the stairs, I know I am such a bad mom!  Well she was screaming and screaming (great thing she learned from the brothers *sigh*) and just wouldn't shut up.  There was no way I could distract her with toys either.   I wanted to cut some letters for the page I started so I got out my cutting machine, set Baby on the table, let the boys do the cutting and wooola everyone was happy.  It's great that the boys want to help, it accomplishes two things, I spend time with them and I get to work on my scrapbook!  It slows me down when they help but what do I care everybody is happy!

Boy1 was still busy on his phone all day.  When we were done with the Blondies he had to call someone and tell them about what he just did.  It is too funny when he starts his hysterical laughing on the phone!  He is quite the character.

Today was a bit of a Challenge in the morning, who am I kidding it was nasty start to the day!  LOL.  It started with a Boy1 meltdown, then Boy2.  The baking seemed to get everyone back on track again and it gave me some one on one time (sort of) with the boys.  I always try to talk to each of the seperately when we do stuff together to give them each a sense of being a seperate person.  I suppose one day I will find out if it is working or not!

Good Night

#65 - Still grumpy but the Kiddo's brightened my day

Today was a busy one. Managed to get a throw rug down in the basement, consisted of moving all toys and a few cabinets, then vacuuming, then moving everything back, vacuuming again (anal retentive much?). In the middle of that the gas company came to 'discuss' our issues.

Now I am just more confused than ever. Frikey frack. Now they are saying it's a different kind of pipe, and that the call-before-you dig folks missed one of the gas lines. So they have to come back again to mark the lines... ugg, and we don't know when the backhoe guy is coming now. Frick! I give up! I guess it will happen eventually?

Then it was back to house cleaning stuff. After having the furnace cleaned there is crap all over so now in addition to getting ready to go away I need to clean my house! YIPEE! So after the kids went down for their nap it was back into the furnace room to put it back together (we had to move a bunch of stuff so they could get in!)

Then it was time to clean up/file my bills and clean-out my computer cabinet so that I could actually get my computer in there!

Supper, play time, finish cleaning up, bath time, then put the kids to bed... and now I get to sit for a few minutes!

THINGS THAT TICK ME OFF
- being the middle man in a conversation that I know very little about
- trying to organize work to be done before winter
- the call before you dig folks
- not getting a chance to shower yet today... YUCK! (I better keep this short so I can have one before bed!)
- diaper rash that is hard to get rid of
- stinky diapers! GAG!

THINGS THAT I LOVE
- help with my kids (it happens so infrequently that I REALLY appreciate it when it does)
- Baby's giggle
- My kids cleaning up their toys
- The smell of a freshly bathed kiddo

KIDDO NOTES
My helper (cousin's daughter), SS, was here again today. YEY! (Hence the reason I got so much done) Baby doesn't like a lot of people, grandma included, but she like SS. Which means that I don't have to hold her as much, so I get some things done. It is also nice to make lunch without fighting/hollering kids. (My poor husband has them the next 2 days... good luck after all the attention they have been getting. I hope they aren't to bad for him)

Now tell me how am I supposed to not laugh and give the boys heck after this one?

I was in the other room with SS & Baby. I heard THE LAUGH, the one that should make me go running, but this time I waited a moment. When I hear that laugh I should no better, drop everything and run to see what they have gotten into. I do believe two heads are better than one in this case.

So I decide I better go check out THE LAUGH, SS and Baby followed. Now remember they were alone approximately 2 minutes. I walk into the kitchen to see Shredded paper flying through the air. They were on the other side of the table and had gotten into the VERY FULL bag of shredded paper. They were filling their hands and throwing it up into the air. I turned to look at SS and Baby... she said the look on my face was priceless.

Now I must admit I wanted to join in, it looked like so much fun, and I was having a hard time not laughing. But hubby was outside and I knew he would not feel the same need to laugh as I did! (stick in the mud) So of course I told the boys they shouldn't be doing this (I am sure that I was REALLY convincing too! *insert laugh here*). I told them they needed to clean it up. So they started to clean-up (which I think is pretty weird for 3 year olds, but who am I to complain), and I ran for the camera of course.

It was quite a job to clean-up, there was paper everywhere. In their hair on their socks, in my (just cleaned) computer cabinet, on the table, under the table...etc. I got the broom and the dust pan, and they took them to clean-up. They cleaned until it was all done too (weird kids I know, they eat broccoli too, must be freezer burn as they were frosties not so long ago! :) ). Oh yes and our furnace was cleaned yesterday, well the vent was full of shredded paper too!

It was the funniest mess they have made so far! It was just so hard to give them crap as they cleaned up right away when I asked them too. Sheesh what's a Mom to do?

Off to bed I go, it's going to be a busy 4 days for me!

#54 - Busy busy

Where did the day go. This morning it was laundry (and a scrapbook page or two) and before I knew it, lunch was here.

Hubby came home early to work on the shed today. So at nap time I went out with him to 'help' out. (Sometimes I think I am in the way more than I help, but I try.) I put some braces between the 2by4's while he finished putting up the rest of the trusses. I managed to get one wall done today, hopefully I can finish the other wall tomorrow. By the way why do they call them 2by4's if they aren't really 2"?

We had the kids out again after supper and the hubby figured out a way to cut the metal while we were out there so we are all ready to GO again tomorrow afternoon. After the kids went to bed, it was back down stairs to get a few more pages done in my scrapbook. (They aren't as fancy as they used to be but I do what I can! :))

I also managed to book plane tickets for the family to head away for a few weeks to see the inlaws.

Oh ya and I got one bathroom and the master bedroom cleaned today. I have a friend coming over tomorrow so that will slow down my cleaning frenzy!

If only every day was so productive!

THINGS THAT TICK ME OFF
- Screaming kids (can you tell how my morning went?)
- Dirty floors
- LAUNDRY!

KIDDO NOTES

It was brutal around here this morning. The kids were suffering from their typical Monday nasties, well the boys anyway! I suppose the neighbors will be talking today! (Can you tell I am still mortified by the fact the Neighbor thinks we beat our kids.) Things started to turn around after lunch. They liked playing on our bed when I was cleaning the bathroom and bedroom.

Boy1 managed to climb up on the bed all by himself (ooo my they are growing up). Then Boy2 decided he could do it if Boy1 could. So up they went. In the mean time Baby was across the hall playing with the toys that Boy1 had dumped out of the buckets in their room. I made for a long cleaning job though as I wanted to keep an eye on all the kids. I think an hour to clean a two piece bath, and start dusting the bedroom is a little excessive! LOL!

Baby was so funny though, she climbed into one of the small buckets then grabbed a bigger bucket and put the toys in, then took them out. Every time I checked on her she would just look up and give me this cute little smile.

When we were outside after supper I took Boy2 and Baby for a quad ride. I was driving through some trees on my property thinking to myself I am truly happy. What a change a few years makes! I love being a mom.

#40 - Memories and The Zoo

Well today was zoo day. Being around all those 'mommies' and kids reminded me of the good old days. You know the ones were infertility (IF) takes over your life. In my case I tried to avoid places where people with kids go, like the Zoo. It has been so very long since I have been to a Zoo. Even now that I have kids, I still feel the pains of IF. It still bothers me to be around all those family's even though I now I have one of my own. I imagine over time it will continue to feel better, to feel more like I fit in. It's just strange to be there and to have my own brood, a brood that would have made my heart ache only a few years ago.

I guess once an IF'er always an IF'er? I do remember the pain of making to that first PG like it was yesterday only now I don't have to try to live it everyday, it's just there... a memory.

Everyday I realize how lucky I am to have IF treatments in my past, just the thought of others still suffering still breaks my heart though.

KIDDO NOTES
The Zoo was fun, the kids were pretty quiet though. I think they were just trying to take it all in. Baby was tired as she missed her morning nap and she is way to nosy to nap when we were walking around.

Now our local zoo is small and there isn't a lot there. Which was good for the kids, and even better for the animals. I remember when I was a kid they had way more animals crammed into small spaces. I was glad to see that there wasn't many animals and there was only a few in each cage.

The kids were greeted by a big pen of guinea pigs. There were piles of them. The boys really liked them. They were only slightly interested in the elephant, but they liked the snowy owl. The boys liked the Sea Lions and the seal. (The sea lion/seal pens were kind of sad though, they seemed kind of small. Although they had a private area as well so I am not sure what size that was.) There was a monkey swinging around that the boys really liked too. We got to see a tiger, it was just waking up. The boys seemed to be amazed at the Tiger.

They have a petting area there for the kids, there was some sheep, a couple of goats and some chickens. The boys were nervous to pet them at first but finally decided to feel the sheep. Then Boy2 really liked the chickens, he got to touch one and he just giggled. Boy1 was the nervous one today (usually he is the brave one), so it took some coaxing for him to come around. We never seem to be able to keep track of who is going to be the brave one! Baby just loved the petting zoo, she just giggled and made noises the entire time. I think she liked the chickens a lot too.

We got to go on the little train. I think the boys would have spent the entire day on it if they could. We really wanted to take them on the pony rides but after lunch they were just getting so tired that we didn't think it would go well. We will have to go out again and do that. Instead the hubby took them on the Merry Go Round. Mom and Baby waved and took photos.

We stayed most of the day got home just in time for half naps. I headed to work and Dad got to spend the evening with the kids. They weren't too bad but not too good either. I think they are a little tired.

I really hope they enjoyed themselves. They didn't really say much after, but they were tired. We will see if they talk about it tomorrow. I will have to show them the photos and see what they have to say.

It was special to take them to the Zoo... we are a family, they are ours... Wow.. I am so thankful.

Good Night

#8 - Memories

It's hard to believe that three years ago I was still in the hospital after my boys birth. On the 26th of July they were ready to come home but instead I had to stay for another 7 days to recover.

- It's hard to believe I spent three months on bed rest
- It's hard to believe the discomfort I was in for the last 4 weeks never affected my resolve to hold those babies in as long as I could
- It's hard to believe that I didn't realize that they would look like babies when they came out (Sometimes I wonder about my brain! :) )
- It's hard to believe I didn't get to see one of the boys until the next day. I was so upset that they didn't have names yet. I asked my husband if he had picked out who was who
- It's hard to believe that I was so sick that they were concerned that I would not make it
- It's hard to believe that my boys are now three. I knew it would go by fast but I never expected the warp speed that time has passed.
- It's hard to believe that Infertility still bothers me after so long

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TWINS plus ONE
Well today was play outside day. The water table and the sand box. Not a great thing when you have kids that don't like dirty hands. Water table, sand box, dirty hands, wash hands, sand box, then repeat. I am going to have to take the sand out of the water table and put it back in the box as we are getting short on sand.

Then there was 'baby'. I was trying to get the kids ready to go out and play on the deck and one of the boys opened the door so baby took off outside, right for the sand box of course. I am not sure if she got something to eat or not when she was out there (yuck) as she was off like a shot. That butt scooting seems to work well for her.

The boys love to be outside, too bad mom isn't as much into it as they were. But they were so good that I was able to bring my computer out and do some surfing while they played. Gotta love wireless and good kids!

I have also decided that play dough outside requires less clean-up. When lunch was ready they promptly picked up all the play dough, put it in the container and returned it to the house. Man I hope this clean team thing lasts at least until they are ready to move out (ya the sky is pink in my lovely world).