Thursday, July 31, 2008

#13 - Things that make your heart stop

Today was a basement day. If we don't go outside to play when Baby goes down for her nap, then we head to the basement to play. We do this quite often and the boys finally graduated from crawling down backward to going down the stairs the 'normal' way. So I take any toys down for them that they want and tell them to be very careful and I go down before they do. Today was the same as every other day. I just set down their blankets and headed back to the stairs to ensure they came down safely, when all of a sudden I heard a bonk, I turned around and managed to catch one of my boys before he fell all the way down the stairs. It was horrible as I saw him literally tumbling down the stairs head over heals. Since I managed to catch him in mid tumble he at least didn't go all the way down. But then my mind quickly went back to basic 1st aid, where you shouldn't move someone until you know what's up. Now I am going 'Oh Crap' what happens if I hurt him more. He was screaming but no worse than normal so I figured he must be ok. I went and sat with him on the couch and he calmed down quite quickly. Well trying to ask a 3 yr old if anything is wrong is kind of pointless so I started asking him to move his arms and legs and if he has any boo boos.

It turned out that he had a couple of scrapes on his poor little feet, and one on his back. He was ok to go play so I am figuring that a paranoid mom trip to the dr. isn't required. My friends boy who is about the same age fell off the bed and broke his arm and my little guy tumbled down the stairwell so I thought for sure he would break something. He must bounce good? By the way I still feel like crap this afternoon and there wasn't really much I could do to stop it. I guess they are going to fall I just have to get used to it.

KIDDO Funnies

So when do I get to use the bathroom again without the commentary? Today I had to do some 'business', of course we are trying to work on potty training around here so it's all about potties these days. So I go to do my business with one boy in tow. I shut the door and he parks himself outside, sometimes he even bends over to look under the door and I get to see little fingers. So of course he starts with 'Mom Pee Potty'. Then after some wind needed to get out it was 'Moooom BIIIIGG toot'. (Gee thanks bud! I am sure the entire neighborhood could hear.) Well today was a plop plop day... so at the end the last thing I heard is 'YAY mom POOOOP POTTY'.... I am surprised he didn't go get me a sticker!

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Wednesday, July 30, 2008

#12 - It's official

Well as of today it's official I am now a SAHM. I quit my job of 17.5 years. It was a stressful and difficult day. It's not that I don't want to be home with my kids, it's just that I feel like I quit a career. It's a big step and a major reduction in our take home pay. Change is always scary for me, not always a bad thing but scary to start.


It always amazes me how kind my boys are to their little sister. I suppose it's from watching the way we are with her but still it seems as though it's just instinct. She fell over today from sitting and bumped her head and proceeded to scream. One of the boys came over to try to sit her up and give her a hug, he even rubbed her back until I got over to her. When I was holding her she was still crying (she is a bit of a drama queen when she bumps her head... trust me it was a teeny tiny bump) so the little fella went to get a Kleenex to wipe her nose. These are the moments that make me hope that they will always take care of each other.

The kids were amazingly good today. Some days I just look at them and wonder how they got to be so good. Of course they had a few moments but pretty much good today. I love these days, wish I could have one every day. When the baby was napping this morning I even got an hour to work on a crafty project. I will have to post pictures when I get it done. Another listing for Etsy, we will see how that goes.

Off to bed I go...

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

#11 - This post brought to you by Mr. Cl.ean

I am not sure if this is funny or not... cleaning it up sure wasn't fun!

Well we had just finished supper and I went and got the 'baby' some cheerios. I was doing some cleaning up and she started 'squawking'. She had thrown her cup of cheerios on the floor so I went to move her and pick up the cup. I noticed this water on the floor. She had milk before supper so I couldn't figure out where the water came from. The next place that I looked was the boys cups to see if they spilled their drinks... nothing? My husband came over and said there is more? Then he noticed it was dripping out of the bottom of the chair. We looked at each other picked her up and realized that it must be pee. Yup her butt was wet, the diaper had shifted over to the side so it was just pouring out. It was like she didn't even have a diaper on. So from now on we will be checking for diaper shifting before she goes in her chair! My husband spent his evening disassembling the chair to clean it all out. He took the thing totally apart I swear it took an hour! Baby just smiled and went about her business crawling on the floor!

Other than that our day was pretty much the same. I am still a little tired from my very late night on Sunday, but I will eventually catch up! :)

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Monday, July 28, 2008

#10 - I made it through the day

Ahh a few moments of peace and off to bed. I made it through the day after my tiring weekend. I am pleased to report that the kids were pretty good and I made it through without being grumpy.

I am very excited today that I received a necklace that I purchased. I will post the link to the website when I get a minute. It is a beautiful piece and I am so happy with it! It has the kids names on the front and "In my Heart Forever - Angel Baby", for our daughter's twin, on the back. It also has the kids birthstones hanging down. (She also makes some pretty cool infertility jewelry and pregnancy jewelry. I promise I will post a link soon! :) I really need to get to bed, so here's the funny of the day.


Well the kids were up to there usual tricks after supper. Right now the like to feed 'baby'. So after supper they were helping 'baby' with her cheerios. They were all giggling up a storm (I wonder why baby doesn't do anything on her own... hmm maybe it has something to do with her brothers?). Anyway after they were all done feeding baby I found out that she was actually full. She was taking all the cheerios from the boys (they were actually being good and feeding them to her one at a time.) in her mouth then spitting them out one at a time. I was doing dishes and watching to make sure they didn't put an entire handful in her mouth and every time I looked all I saw was one going into her mouth. I didn't see any coming out. When I went over to take her out of her high chair guess what? A whole handful of soggy cheerios was in the pocket of her bib. I guess she was having fun being 'fed' so she figured she would just spit them out and wait for the next one.

Good night for those of you who are in my time zone and are reading this at night, otherwise good day to you!

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#9 - I need a nap after that weekend!

Well I worked at my part time job on Friday night, quite enjoyable I must admit. A couple of hours with adults is so nice!

Saturday was a busy day. Mowing and doing stuff around the yard. The boys were happy to play outside and take 'baby' for a ride in their gators. And enjoyable visit with a friend and a weenie roast over the campfire was a great end to a great day.

Sunday... oooo Sunday... Inventory at the store I work, 9am until 1:30am. Now you know why I need a nap!

On Friday night my hubby said that the little one was stealing cars from her brother and butt scooting away as fast as she could. Every now and again she would turn back to check to see if Bro was there, adding a giggle of course. When she got herself into a corner she tossed the car back and took off with another giggle. All the while bro was saying 'No Baby... No'.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008

#8 - Memories

It's hard to believe that three years ago I was still in the hospital after my boys birth. On the 26th of July they were ready to come home but instead I had to stay for another 7 days to recover.

- It's hard to believe I spent three months on bed rest
- It's hard to believe the discomfort I was in for the last 4 weeks never affected my resolve to hold those babies in as long as I could
- It's hard to believe that I didn't realize that they would look like babies when they came out (Sometimes I wonder about my brain! :) )
- It's hard to believe I didn't get to see one of the boys until the next day. I was so upset that they didn't have names yet. I asked my husband if he had picked out who was who
- It's hard to believe that I was so sick that they were concerned that I would not make it
- It's hard to believe that my boys are now three. I knew it would go by fast but I never expected the warp speed that time has passed.
- It's hard to believe that Infertility still bothers me after so long

Well today was play outside day. The water table and the sand box. Not a great thing when you have kids that don't like dirty hands. Water table, sand box, dirty hands, wash hands, sand box, then repeat. I am going to have to take the sand out of the water table and put it back in the box as we are getting short on sand.

Then there was 'baby'. I was trying to get the kids ready to go out and play on the deck and one of the boys opened the door so baby took off outside, right for the sand box of course. I am not sure if she got something to eat or not when she was out there (yuck) as she was off like a shot. That butt scooting seems to work well for her.

The boys love to be outside, too bad mom isn't as much into it as they were. But they were so good that I was able to bring my computer out and do some surfing while they played. Gotta love wireless and good kids!

I have also decided that play dough outside requires less clean-up. When lunch was ready they promptly picked up all the play dough, put it in the container and returned it to the house. Man I hope this clean team thing lasts at least until they are ready to move out (ya the sky is pink in my lovely world).

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

#7 - Worries

Well back in June I took my daughter for her one year check-up and I got some upsetting news. I missed her 6 month appointment as we had moved and it was just so crazy that I forgot to call and book it.

Anyway she was scooting on her bum so I never really worried about the fact that she wasn't doing some of the other things the boys did. Not to mention that time goes by so fast that I didn't realize that she was missing some of the milestones.

So the worry is that she does not sit up, she doesn't roll, she doesn't pull up. She can sit if I put her on her butt and she can move around (quite quickly as a matter of fact). Since she was moving I wasn't to worried, except I thought it was kind of strange that she didn't sit up.

Well anyway the Dr. is quite concerned that she isn't doing these things. I am trying to work with her as much as is possible but with 2 other toddlers I can't spend all my time with her. I was told to work with her and bring her back in 3 months.

Things aren't improving too much yet. She has finally decided to roll over as of a couple of weeks ago. I sure hope that that is just the start to more movement. It's amazing how much you worry about something so small.

I really hope that things improve soon. I am really surprised that she isn't crawling or walking with two brothers to follow around. The boys are so cute they even try to show her how to crawl.

The boys are kind of clean freaks (hope it lasts... ya who am I kidding). After supper there was some crumbs on the floor, so one of my boys went and grabbed our little stick vacuum (backyouuum-youmm as they say it) and proceeded to clean up the mess. He said that we were 'awful messy'.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

#6 - Password Protected

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#5 - Picture Day!

Well it was off to take pictures today. We had to be at the photo studio at 10am. So if you ever wondered what it takes to get out of the house with twins and my spare here it is.

7:50am - Get up, eat breakfast, catch the weather, get dressed... oops brush teeth, almost forgot, get the kids clothes ready (down to the laundry room... the piles never end around here it seems)

8:25am - Get boys up. (Usually they don't get up until 9am, yes I know I am lucky, but they go to bed late.) Change diapers (yes I need to work on potty training, we will leave that one for another day). Get kids dressed (try to get them going instead of playing with their new birthday toys. Get little Miss Muffet up, change bum, get dressed. Round up boys, get breakfasts ready.Brush Hair

9:00am - Get Little Miss Muffet into her chair, give her milk. Convince the boys that they need to have breakfast so that we can go out. Finally get kids in chairs, one eats one gets chatty. Feed Baby her breakfast, still trying to get one of them to eat. Resorting to begging at this point. Start spooning food into baby and the slow one... watching clock.

9:25 - get coats on since it is raining, brush hair again. Get baby ready, convince boys that it's time to get coats on. Sit all the kids on the step and help baby and one of the boys put their shoes on. Check to make sure that the other fella had his shoes on the correct feet. Get all kids to the car and buckled in.

9:30am - Drive to photo studio... ahh sit for a minute...

Well we arrived about 10 minutes before our appointment. The photographer was late, then she had to load film in the camera (apparently it was supposed to be done on Saturday.) Then she decided to do a passport photo while we continued to wait. So finally more than 1/2 hour after our appointment it was our turn. Sure glad I booked the first appointment of the day so we wouldn't have to wait.

We did manage to get some alright photos... the kids were getting a little anxious after all that waiting. And grandma came to help and that tends to get them wound up.

Funny moments:
- When they did a photo of the 3 kids together when Baby (as the boys call her) started to move they would both put their arms around her and say 'Baby No'.
- We did a photo of both boys together and one put his arms around the other and gave him a big 'squeeze'. It was quite funny.
- The boy are both into their 'smile' phase, the one where they put on their fake smile when told to smile so it is quite fun to get them doing their actual smile.

So another year of photographs is complete, and I survived 2 days of outings! I think tomorrow will be a quite one!

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Monday, July 21, 2008

Moving on...

I have decided to move to new 'digs'... Please feel free to join me ..

Good-bye to my old blog, the one that helped me through my second try at IVF. I wish I would have found you sooner when I started my journey. Eleven years of infertility have left deep scars that I hope to heal with the joys that come with spending time with my 3 children.

Here's to one day seeing the end to infertility.

Good Night

Updated!  My new blog was imported into this one!

#4 - Password Protected

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#3 - So glad that went well!

Well I decided to be a little bit brave today! I took all three kids on an outing by myself. This always scares me, as I am afraid of one taking off on me. Since it was the boys third birthday I wanted to do something special so off to the local corn maze we went! It was a hot one, and when they decided they didn't want to walk anymore it was a little difficult pushing the stroller through the soft dirt.

The boys were happy to see a Race Car today too. It was a wonderful day and I feel like I accomplished something by taking them out without any help. To top it off they were all so good it was a great day!

We finished off supper with the Happy Birthday songs to each boy and a candle for them to blow out.

Off to get photos done tomorrow, hope it goes as well as today.

Good Night

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

#2 - Three already?

Well it was a big weekend my boys 3rd birthday party was on Saturday. They had a great time and they were so good, until bed time of course! Lets not think they were perfect people! :) We lucked out and the weather held out for us so there was no rain. Which was good as I really didn't want 25 or so people in my house.

It's hard to believe that 3 years ago they were just tiny babies and now they are talking, walking and making us laugh every day. The time just goes by way to fast!

So here's to my boys, Happy Birthday!!!

Oh and the playdough was a big hit with the kids

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Friday, July 18, 2008

#1 - I made Playdough!

Yes I made homemade play dough today. I was very excited as it actually turned out. I wasn’t sure if it would since I was a little short on the cream of tartar. I couldn’t believe how hard it was to mix, I think maybe I may have left in on the burner a little to long. In the end I had a very sore arm (Did you know that Tennis Elbow is common for older moms with young children. GREAT), but the play dough turned out great!

I remember back when I was a bit younger (ok a whole lot younger) when my Aunt used to make it. It was great stuff, I always liked it better than the store bought. She always seemed to have a fresh batch too, she must have stronger arms than I realized!

Anyway… I made the play dough for the boys birthday party on the weekend. They were quite upset when I wouldn’t give it to them when I made it. It’s a good thing they have short attention spans at this age and they quickly moved on to something else.

I can’t believe that my first post is about play dough!

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

My Story - Part 1

This is my very long story which covers our journey to parenthood and parenting twins, plus one. It's a long one!

I originally posted the first part of this store in January of 2006. I updated our journey for a second pregnancy in September of 2008.

Our Journey - Part 1

The long and short of it… ok the long version on how we became parents – Part 1

So this is the whole story. My dh and I met 10 years before we married, we did not start dating until the year before we married though. My dh is 9 years older than I am so dating didn't even cross our minds when we met as I was only 14!! In 1994 we were finally married exactly 1 year after our first date. We were engaged only 2 months after we started dating. I was not ready to get married however I knew I had a keeper so I decided to forgo a season on the ski hill!

We did not plan on starting a family right away or really talk about it but we weren't taking any precautions if you know what I mean. Well the years came and went and still no pregnancy. We enjoyed many years of skiing and some traveling in North America. As time went by I began to worry as I felt in my heart that I would never get pregnant and would never have a family of my own. Depression started to set in and our marriage began to run into some issues.


In December of 2000 we found out that I had a mass in my abdomen, with a trip to a ob/gyn we found out that there was actually 2 masses and they were much larger than first expected. I was scheduled for surgery in Feb of 2001. It was a real turning point for our marriage, it got us on track and really got us started talking about having a family. Our problems were finally behind us and we were ready to take on the world!!

Well January came and the pain in my abdomen got worse, I couldn't even sit in a chair anymore. In retrospect I should have probably called my doctor back, but I waited patiently for my surgery. Feb came and it was time for my surgery… I was terrified as I had avoided the dr. all these years and now I had to go in for surgery. They figured it was a common problem of fibroids. They were hoping to remove them laprascopically (SP?) but before they even started they decided to go for a laparotmoy (sp?). The 'big' cut as I like to call it.

When I woke up I found out that things hadn't gone quite as planned and they needed to work on me for quite a while. The first thing they said was they were unable to save my right ovary, all I wanted was to see my husband, I was terrified, what did this mean as far as our chances to have a child. Unfortunately I am one of those people that wake up after surgery totally coherent (not to mention awake for 2 days after as well!). Eventually I was moved back up to the day surgery ward and I got to see my husband and tell him what was going on. At this point we didn't know how it was going to affect my fertility and I was really freaked out, I had to wait until the next day to talk to a doctor.

The next day I found out that they also removed two growths, one the size of a melon and one the size of an orange. I guess they had really grown since they first saw them on ultrasound in December. The smaller one was really weird so they had someone take a look at it right away and it was sent of for further testing. My dr. and the other surgeon said they had never seen anything like it before. I don’t imagine that can be a good thing??

Well after an unpleasant few days in the hospital my Dr. let me go home early. I didn't get the greatest nursing staff it was truly hell and I wasn't even being difficult. It all started just a couple hours after surgery the nurse didn't want to slide me over to the next bed she wanted me to get up and do it myself. I only had a catheter and a fresh 8 inch incision in my belly. I found out later that I wasn’t supposed to be out of bed quite that soon, I was lucky I didn't fall I was so weak. Anyway that is enough whining about that. I know that we all don't have good days so I am just hoping I ran into a bunch of nurses that were just having bad days. I must admit I would not want their jobs!!!

Well after being released it was back home to continue recovery and to move toward our goal of having a family.


Time to recover, after 3 weeks had passed I was grateful that I had not heard back anything about the cyst that they sent away for testing. I think it was about the 4th week, my recovery slowed, I was having problems walking. I decided that I should phone the doctor. He was busy so the nurse called me back to talk to me, she figured it was just because they had been hitting nerves in my legs when I was getting injections after my surgery. No biggy it would heal soon. I thought I was done. That afternoon I got a call back from the dr., my husband has just arrived home (thank goodness). He said he had my test results in front of him and that I had an appointment at the Cancer Clinic for a consultation. I didn’t really get any good information; I was just scared to death!! It is a good thing I called though as I got my startup package from the cancer clinic in the mail the very next day. Can you imagine if I hadn’t have talked to him first… yikes.

Well anyway the appointment at the Cancer Clinic came and went. I had a form of ovarian cancer, lucky for me it was self contained so really I didn't have to worry that much. I never thought I would ever be told I had cancer and I never even thought that for a moment that I would ever hear anything back about my tests. It was quite a shock. But I was truly lucky that all that was required was to have ultrasounds every 6 months just to make sure everything was ok.

I remember some co-workers dismissed the fact that I had cancer because I didn’t have to have any treatments, just surgery. It really made me feel like I didn't have a right to be worried and scared. I know other people are much worse off but it truly was the most horrible thing that happened to me. It made it really difficult for me to deal with and put behind me. I did learn that I should never discount what a person is going through as to them it may be the most difficult time of their life, just cause it isn't the worst thing that you have ever been through doesn't make it an less painful for them. Little did I know things would get even rougher for my husband and I.

Trying again
Well it was time to start trying again, trying meant charting everything! Yipee! We had dr.'s permission to start trying again so off we went!!! Just 5 months after my surgery my dh was scheduled for major jaw surgery, anything to get rid of his headaches that would last for months on end. Of course it was considered cosmetic so we had a big bill to go with that one, he even had to pay for the surgery. They had to do a lot of work and it was quite disturbing to see his poor swollen head after surgery. Then I had to get used to his new look, that was strange, he didn’t look the same as our wedding pictures. He was out of the hospital in 4 days, only to have major issues and end up back again. He had an aneurysm in his main facial artery. I won't get into details; let's just put it this way I don't know how he was still standing after all the blood he lost. I had to call and ambulance, it was the longest 3 minutes of my life waiting for them to come. Well he finally healed up and was home again. We had to put our trying on hold for a lot longer than we had hoped while he healed up. It was a scary time for us and I am sure glad it is over. I am so glad that time of our lives was over.

Soon came my 6 month checkup, they found a growth and were worried about it, this lead to 3 month checkups for a year. Everything turned out fine; it was a major sigh of relief. And we are still in 2001.

In December of 01 I got to experience my first HSG. I was one of the lucky ones who got to experience excruciating pain, man was I glad that was over with quick! I had read that sometimes this 'clears the way' and some people get PG after. No such luck!

The next step fertility drugs

Well now for the fertility drugs…. Great! We started in January. (Oh ya still charting, I think I can tell you for about 3 years when we did the 'deed'… talk about sucking the fun out of it!! ()

Things were starting to get strained in our relationship again. My husband did not want to see me have to go through everything. He announced that he wanted to stop trying. I was totally devastated. I never thought I would ever forgive him for telling me this. After some long chats we were both on the same page again. But I think for the next year I kept thinking about that every month when I didn't become pregnant.

I was truly hopeful that the fertility drugs would work and was secretly hoping for twins, I thought that would be cool. I think a lot of us feel that way when we have to get a little help in the conception department.

Well the fertility drugs came and went and so did the months of hoping this time would work. The visits to the ob/gyn office came and went. These visits were so horrible, small office full of very pg women was not a good place for someone suffering through infertility.

I still can't believe that every month when we knew it didn't work again I would still be so upset. You would think after a while you would not expect anything different; hope can make life difficult at times.

More tests

Well more tests were required; a laparoscopy (lap) was scheduled for the spring of 2002. My husband also had to have the dreaded sperm analysis (S/A)… why do men hate that so much?? It seems just a little less invasive than the tests women have to go through… HSG anyone?? Anyway the S/A was fine the lap was fine, the dr. removed some scar tissue but nothing serious. So this leads us to the diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility. Great! (insert sarcasm here)

More fertility drugs on and off.. I was not happy. Just after my surgery it ended up that my Gal bladder started causing me trouble, in April they figured I should get it removed. I had enough of surgery for now so I procrastinated!! :(

Now the decision of IVF was right in front of us. I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down that road or not, I was still hoping it would just work the old fashion way.

Road Block

In Feb of 2003 I had finally decided that maybe we should follow the adoption route. We were looking at adopting an older child. I had printed out the paper work and brought it home to look at with my husband. We were going to look into it the next week. I suppose I will always remember this day. Friday, February 14th, 2003… yes Valentines Day. My husband came home sat in front of me and held my hands and said I have something to tell you. I thought he had a nice surprise for Valentines Day. He lost his job. No explanation, no warning, nothing. It ended up that he was fired so a buddy of two of the guys who fired him could have my husbands' job. We foolishly decided to pursue a wrongful dismissal law suite. Our legal system is to protect the guilty. The other side had no case yet still managed to drag out our legal costs for 2 years.

Anyway it cost us a lot of money and heartache and put a stop to our adoption plans.

My husband was working very quickly after, as he is well respected in his field, no one could believe what had happened to him because of what kind of worker he was. The two gentlemen (if you can call them that) were escorted off the property a year later (yup fired), I think that felt better than settling our law suit!!

Anyway it cost us a lot of money so IVF was out of the picture for a while. My heart was broken but we were so preoccupied with other stuff that it was a distraction anyway.

On the path again – More decisions

Well the summer came and we knew the wait for IVF could be a long one so we decided to get our referral letter in by the fall. A couple of months later we got the call for our first consultation. At the end of November we had our consult and we had decided that in December of 2003 we would pay our registration fee and get put on the waiting list. I was full of so much hope. It had to work right? Oh ya and I got to have another lovely HSG, frick do I hate those things as I am sure anyone else who has had one feels too!

When December came there was a death in the family so we decided to wait until the new year to register with our IVF clinic. It was a hard decision as not everyone agrees with 'messing with mother nature'. This really bothered me, but it was our last hope.

Well January came (and yes I still was having Gal Bladder issues, a few dr's have told me that I have an extremely high pain tolerance, I think it’s just stupidity!! Ha ha) and we registered for IVF. Let the wait begin.

Our Journey to have a family - IVF - Part 2

I had ended up having emergency surgery to remove my Gal Bladder in February (2004). I found out that surgery happens quickly when you leave things way to long. Ooops! I was off recovering from my surgery when I got my first call to accept a cycle of IVF. WOW that was quick I was totally shocked. We declined due to my recovery and we declined the next month as well, I just wasn’t prepared yet. Well 3 months later we were about to begin, we accepted a cycle.

IVF – the journey

We were told that the emotions one has to deal with during IVF are similar to the emotions that one would have to deal with if they had a terminal illness. I didn't ever think it would be that bad. (Well it was going to work the first time right?)

We started our journey with a bunch of drugs, nasal spray, and then injections in May of 2004. The injections weren't too bad as it was a pen style injection needle. Fairly easy to do and not screw up!! I still remember my first injection. I had to take them at a certain time. I was waiting for my dear husband to call to check up on me (he never did… man was I pissed). I held the needle above my belly for quite some time, to nervous to jab it in. Finally I thought to myself this is stupid and I jabbed it in, hey it wasn't so bad, until I pressed the button. Well it stung a little but really it wasn't all that bad. There are much worse things that's for sure!

Well after needles the trips to our clinic began (June 04), it is a 4 and a half hour drive to our clinic. We didn't know when our retrieval would be so I we drove down for our blood work and ultrasounds for a couple of days. I got sick so I decided that we should just go stay. We packed up our trailer and off we went. They figured I had about 12 follicles so I was hoping we would get about 10 good eggs.

We finally got out date for our retrieval. The night before retrieval I had to take a 'trigger' shot to release my eggs. It was in a real needle from a real vial this time. Well it was 10pm at night I was to take this. Here I was sitting in our trailer getting ready and I ended up spilling half of my dose. I was freaked out, thinking I had ruined everything. I called the clinics emergency number and they told me not to worry I had more than enough. Of course I was worried!!

The next day we had our retrieval. They got 20 eggs from 12 follicles. They said I did awesome considering I only had one ovary. We were so hopeful. We were also lucky that we didn't need ICSI which would have cost us more money!! 17 of the 20 eggs fertilized. 14 ended up making it. We had 2 embryo's transferred 3 days after the retrieval. We would know by the beginning of July if one had stuck or not. I had never felt better going through IVF. The hormones were obviously working for me. I was 100% sure it had worked!

Our first failed cycle (July 2004)
Well I figured that the first go round hadn't worked as aunt flo came to visit the day before my PG test. I was upset but hopeful as we still had frozen embryo's. It was difficult but not as bad as I thought as I was sure it would work the next time.

I was eager to get on the waiting list again, so I signed up the same day I notified the clinic of my failed cycle. They told me that a frozen transfer is a lot easier and NO injections. I was happy to hear about that.

Round 2 – Our first frozen transfer (September 2004).

Well just 2 cycles later we were on the roller coaster again. We were set for a frozen transfer in September (2004). This ended up being the most difficult time in my life. I did the nasal spray and pills until the transfer at the end of September. We went in for the transfer, my husband was with me. It ended up that my cervix was not in the correct position. I found out that when a dr. says cough, just do it!! I was wondering why?? So I didn't cough when I was supposed to. OUCH, the dr. used some nasty 'salad tong' type tools with pointy ends to move things around. It was very painful and not much fun. I just had a bad feeling about things after that.

Two weeks later we got the news; the cycle failed we were not pregnant. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how difficult it was waiting to find out if we were PG. I went in and did a 'pee' test in the morning and had to wait until the afternoon to find out. I think this was one of the longest days of my life.

I figured that we would never have children now, it felt like it was all over. I was also angry that we would not get a chance to do another cycle this year. It was just before my birthday that I found out and it made for an unpleasant thanksgiving. I have never been so upset in my life. I felt like the whole world was about to come down on my shoulders. What was I to do now???

At this point I had pretty much given up in IVF. I may try again but was convinced that it would NEVER work for us. I was severely depressed, but still signed up for another cycle. There was some reason that I really wanted to do this again this year, which is weird because I was convinced that it would never work.

My husband and I contacted a couple that had adopted 2 children to talk to them. We had decided that we were going to start down that road in the New Year. I wasn't sure how we were going to afford it but we just really wanted a family no matter where it came from as every child is a gift.

I spent the next few months just getting through every day, the second failure was a lot for me to process. I was now getting an understanding as to how difficult IVF is. I spent hours on the internet researching IVF, not that I didn’t know a little already. I seemed to always be looking for answers.
After so many years of dealing with infertility then finally having some hope again, bursting that bubble was just too much for me to take. Then we got the phone call to go again! What am I crazy?? (I think I was a little at the time!! ( )

Round #3 - 2nd Frozen Transfer (December 2004)

Well we started again in November of 2004 (the biological clock is ticking I didn’t want to waste any time!!). December 1st it was time for our 3rd transfer. Was I crazy, doing this again… I think so!! I certainly would not recommend this to anyone; take a break, what is 2 or 3 more months in the scheme of things!!

Anyway we went in for our transfer and we had the first doctor I had seen at the clinic. We really like him and he took the time to get the embryos in without the 'salad tongs'. The whole experience was different and the nurses were really nice too. Not that they weren’t before, it was just different. We had 3 embryo's transferred. We were going away for Christmas so they let us test a couple of days early, just in case as I would need to refill my prescriptions.

Well the 2 weeks passed, and I was 150% sure that it hadn't worked. The first year anniversary of my grandmothers passing also came and went during the dreaded 2 week wait. I went for my blood test in the morning, I asked the tech when I would get my results but she wouldn’t tell me. Half way through I asked again, I just wanted to know when I could call my dr.'s office. Then I started to cry. Finally I think the tech was pissed at me and said fine, I will put a rush on it. All I wanted to know was when to call my dr. oh well at least she put a rush on it.

So I waited out that day, and waited and waited, for what seemed like forever. I finally called my clinic at 2pm, Dec 14th. I was put on hold for 5 minutes. (I think they called and were waiting for the fax to come in.) The nurse (that I have known since I was 6) came on the phone and said "it looks like you are pregnant". I am thinking Looks Like?? What the heck does that mean??? So I asked for my numbers they were 408. Some gals I talk with figured I could have multiples. Yikes! Holly Sh*t I was actually PG?? Could that ever happen to me??? I was in shock and disbelief. I called the clinic and they said to book an ultrasound for January.

We were leaving in 3 short days for our Christmas vacation and now I was paranoid about flying. I was also waiting for things to go wrong. After 11 years of trying how could this be true??

Our Journey to have a family - My Pregnancy - Part 3

Well after 11 years TTC we were finally PG. It was a shock, and I couldn’t help thinking what could go wrong and what have we done messing with mother nature? We were due August 22nd, 2005

Well I hadn't told anyone in my family that we were going through IVF. I caved and told my mom on a really bad day during my 2 week wait. BAD idea!! Then I had to tell her that I was PG. Even though I asked her not to tell anyone they did anyway. We were away for Christmas and so I guess she thought she would tell people since we weren't there (anything to get back at me I guess). I was like 3 weeks PG I didn't want to tell anyone just yet and after all we had been through I thought it was our news to share with the family. According to my parents it was 'their' news to share. Man was I annoyed. They even told some friends that I wanted to tell. If I ever manage to get PG they will be the last people to know!! She was even telling people at work and customers and to this day she still tells everyone that we went through IVF. I think that is up to me if I want to share that or not. Ugg, oh well I had to get that off of my chest. Now onto more wonderful things!!

Well we were away for 2 weeks, it was great and very relaxing. I think it was the most relaxing Christmas ever. I really enjoyed it, when we are at home we have to go everywhere and see everyone, we didn’t do that when we were away. It was so cool on Christmas Eve there was a nasty storm and we lost power, we got to eat by lamp light. It was so nice. Anyway we stayed until New Years and came home a few days after. I won’t forget the day we came home as it was my first experience with Morning Sickness, or what I decided to call 24/7 sickness!!! It didn’t help that I had caught a cold, so at first I wasn't sure if it was the cold or morning sickness. We had to be up early to catch our flight and man was I nauseous. The first leg of our flight I was looking for the barf bag… couldn't find one though!! I was lucky and I didn't get sick.

Our first ultrasound was a day after we returned. I have a bit of a belly to begin with so the normal ultrasound wasn't good enough; they had to do the internal one. Yuck. Of course I was paranoid about that too, I was afraid it would knock something out. ( What can I say I was pretty much paranoid for the first 3 months! I was so freaked out as it seemed like it took forever and she didn’t say much else. I thought something was wrong or I wasn't Pregnant anymore. Anyway I had a feeling that we had more than one just by what the u/s tech said. She asked me how old 'they' should be. I was lucky that they let my husband in to see the u/s as they normally don't with internal ultrasounds.

Oh my that was quite an amazing moment, almost as amazing as their birth. Yes we had twins!! We got to see 2 little heart beats just a beating away. It was AMAZING!! My husband and I both broke into the 'ugly' cry as Oprah would say!! My family dr. was so kind she even called when she got the ultrasound results to let us know that we had twins and everything looked good.

I had to take the rest of the week off of work as I was very sick with a cold and I was worried about the babies! Wow 2 babies (man I had no idea what I was in for!! )! I had always wanted twins. I am an only child and I didn't really want to have an only child. I was concerned that with our fertility problems if we ever did have kids we would only have one. Problem solved!

Needless to say we didn't tell my family that we were having twins. We decided to wait until the first trimester was complete.

I think that next month was a blur as I was really sick with the cold and the morning sickness was starting to get worse. I ended up having to take the month of February off of work due to morning sickness. It was brutal, I had to go on diclectin, which worried me too! The morning sickness did make me feel better about the Pregnancy, as long as I was sick I new things were ok.

I had to go for ultrasounds monthly, which was good as it gave me some piece of mind. I would have a dr's appt then two weeks later an ultrasound then another 2 weeks would be another dr's appt. This meant I either got to see the little ones or hear their heart beats every couple of weeks. It truly was helpful on keeping me a little less worried about the Pregnancy. The first few months every ultrasound I would be so worried that there would only be one fetus and one would be gone. I always felt better when we got to see them.

We had another u/s Feb 14th it was a little painful as they were really pushing with the u/s wand. It was cool and I was past the 3 month hump so I was starting to feel a little better. (I got to keep the morning sickness for another month though!! ( ) My husband phoned all his family and I emailed the u/s picture to my parents, told them if they wanted to know how many they could figure it out themselves. They had marked the u/s Twin A/Twin B so I had to remove that after I scanned them in. As ultrasounds aren't that clear that early they never did figure it out!! ( I am sooo bad! We did tell them there were twins by the end of the day though, I am not that mean. (Although I would have liked to make them stew for a while. Needless to say they called everyone they knew to tell them).

By the end of March the Morning Sickness started to improve. My husband used to laugh at me when he would hear me crunching on crackers at 3 in the morning. It used to wake me up a lot. I was really nervous when it started to improve as the sickness was comforting. I guess that is the joys of dealing with infertility for 10 plus years.

I had been so exhausted for the first couple of months so now I was finally starting to feel better and my belly was starting to grow. We started cleaning out the house and getting ready for the babies, after 10 years of marriage and no kids our house was not fit for babies.

I finally got in to see my OB in March. She told me that regardless I would be taken off work at 26 weeks (middle of May). I was told that I would be on light bed rest at that time.. hmm sounds like fun! Not! Things were pretty much mundane for a while. I was suffering from Migraines now, which I never suffered from before, wonderful. We had yet another ultrasound (u/s) at the end of March; we found out that we were having 2 boys. I was kind of hoping for one of each but I really just wanted healthy babies. This time they actually looked like babies it was very cool and surreal. I was still in denial that I was actually pregnant, I think now it was starting to sink in a little???

In April I really started to get uncomfortable, we also started prenatal classes for couples with multiples. (That was fun; they just scared the crap out of me when they started in on the signs of preterm labour and all the nasty things that can go wrong with multiple births) Near the end of April I was getting low pressure, it was really uncomfortable. I called my OB. She made me go into the hospital for a check right away. That was my last day of work. I was officially on bed rest, no shopping allowed (we still hadn’t bought cribs yet, or any other baby stuff.)

I thought I would get lots done now that I was off work, but each week that went by just got more difficult. I thought it was bad a first but I had NO idea what I was in for in the coming weeks.

We were supposed to go camping in May however I opted to stay home as it was very difficult for me to get comfortable. I didn't think I would be able to get comfortable away from home. It was good we didn’t go as it was the first of one of my bad weekends. I was getting really big now, every appt to my doctor she would say 'oh I feel sorry for you'. That can't be good if the dr. is saying that??

Well May and June came and went with no major issues; I kept growing and kept getting more uncomfortable which is to be expected with twins. My goal was to make it at least to 32 weeks so I could deliver at the hospital my dr. works at. I was really hoping to make it to August 5th. My original due date was the 22nd so I was hoping I could make it that far.

I spent most of my time watching TV by July. Good thing I can stand soaps or I would have been in trouble! July was a very difficult month for me; I just kept trying to take it one day at a time. There was no getting comfortable and sleeping was not so great! The last two weeks of my pg I gained 40 lbs. It was horrible. I had to be careful on how I got into the shower; if I turned sideways I wouldn't be able to make it in the door. Wow was I getting huge. I was getting to the point I didn't know how I could possibly make it through another day. My last dr.'s appt I had elevated protein in my urine so I was admitted that day, July 20th. (There was no way I wanted to have the boys on the 21st as my mom would win the family baby pool) I was only 35 weeks and 3 days, I was hoping to make it a few more but by this point I was DONE!!

Our Journey to have a family - My Delivery - Part 4

On July 21st I went for an ultrasound in the morning and the dr. came to see me at 4pm, we were scheduled for a c-section at 4:30pm that day. Boy1 was born at 4:54pm weighing in at 7lbs and Boy2 was born at 4:55pm weighing in at 5lbs 5ozs. They actually had to push Boy2 back in as he was trying to come out at the same time as Boy1. They were actually born more like a second apart!! It was quite an experience. Hearing them cry was quite amazing. I got to see Boy1 on their way to the nursery but I never did get to see Boy2, just the way he was being held.

I was expecting to see the boys when I was out of recovery in about an hour; unfortunately I was to spend 2 days in recovery. The last few months of my pregnancy had taken its toll on my body and now I was about to find out how much. I never did get to see Boy2 that day as they were unable to bring him out to see him. I spent a couple of days being monitored closely and going for a lot of tests. I was having blood pressure and breathing problems. I spent a good part of the first night shaking too, that wasn't much fun. At one time, I had IV's in both of my arms and I even had to have my catheter replaced as I wasn't having any output! My bladder was nicked during my surgery so I ended up with the catheter for 10 days or so.

The boys did really well and were on room air right from birth, they did need a feeding tube for 5 days but after that, they were good. They had to learn to suck. They stayed in the nursery for a while then they were moved to my room. I spent my time trying to gain my strength back. I didn't walk out of my room until the day I went home, I had quite a time out of it. I had to use a walker for quite some time too, that was no fun at all.

My Hubby stayed with me almost the entire time, once the boys moved to my room I needed his help. I couldn’t carry the boys just yet. July 28th the boys moved into my room, in retrospect I should have waited another day or so until I got a little stronger but I was glad to have them with me.

Finally, on August 2nd we got to go home!! What a tiring day. I had to go for a test to make sure my bladder was fixed before I got to go home, and I finally got my catheter out! It was quite and emotional trip home, we finally had our family. I sat between the boys in the back of the truck on our ride home. The emotions were so overwhelming I cried most of the way home. (Or maybe that was hormones?? LOL)

Our Journey to have a family - The first 5 months with Twins - Part 5

Well once we got home reality started to set in. Man 2 babies can be a lot of work!! My dear husband had a month off of work so I was lucky to have his help for a few more weeks. I was still struggling to recover from what I was now finding out was a difficult pregnancy. We arrived home later than we had hoped and we had nothing we needed as far as baby food went. We sent my parents on a formula run and we proceeded to get organized.

I was planning on putting the boys in their room, but after having them bunk in for so long in the hospital I just couldn't do it. My poor husband had to take one of our cribs apart to move it into our bedroom that night.

We managed to make it through those first couple of weeks with very little sleep. The boys were awake at night and were sleeping during the day. Unfortunately, we could not change our sleep patterns to match the boys. When the going got tough, we just kept remembering how lucky we were to have them.

We finally managed to move them into the crib in their room in preparation for dad to go back to work. We couldn't have them waking dad up, he needs some sleep too.

The nights were painful, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to feed babies every 2 hours or so, I longed for them to sleep through the night.

My husband works early in the morning, so I wanted him to get some good sleep before going back to work so we bought an air mattress and I moved into the babies room. I really had problems moving them out of our room I was terrified something would happen to them. I had so many nightmares about something bad happening to them it made it tough. I was even seeing little white coffins, which still gives me chills.

Well it was time for my husband to go back to work; I will NEVER forget my first night and day alone with twins. I wondered how I was ever going to manage. By the end of the week, I had found my rhythm and things were getting easier. I was breastfeeding and pumping so it kept me busy during the day, between washing stuff and diapers and spending time with the boys I never got bored!!

I still wasn't feeling well and just waiting for my husband to get home to help me out a bit. I was a little jealous for the first couple of months that he got a break and I didn't. As much as I loved and wanted my little ones, there were still difficult days. I think it made it easier that we tried for so long to get pregnant that we appreciated them so much that it made the bad days a little easier. I was hoping that it would mean that we had no bad days... man was I dreaming!

I just kept waiting for them to sleep a little longer and a little longer, by their 4th month they finally hit the 6am mark. I was happy and still waiting for the 8am mark! The first few months were really a blur and it is truly amazing how fast they grow! I would have never believed it until I lived it that's for sure.

I was trying to keep track of all their firsts, that became a difficult task, but I have done my best. The first smiles were amazing and each milestone is even more amazing.

I spent 2 weeks alone at the beginning of December. My husband had to go help out his folks as his father had a heart attack in November. Some friends offered to help me out, but when my husband left I was truly on my own for 2 weeks. I had phoned a friend for help one day, but she was busy dying her hair and couldn't help. After that I gave up. I was lucky the boys were pretty good for those 2 weeks as I had no help at all. It wasn't so bad except supper. I didn't have any time or energy at the end of the day to prepare food. Thank goodness for frozen dinners! (I really need some new family and friends!! Did I mention that I had to take the boys for their 4 month shots too? All alone that was no fun at all!)

Finally dad came home and Christmas was around the corner. We enjoyed our 1st Christmas with the boys and it also brought their first solids. My goodness solid foods already! I had finally decided that it was time to give up pumping! I returned my rental breast pump at the end of December. I was happy about that as I had been pumping since July after every feed, and when the boys stopped getting up at night I was still getting up at 3am pumping!! NO MORE!! (Needless to say I have enough frozen breast milk for at least 2 months after I stop breastfeeding)

By the end of the fifth month we were enjoying smiles and laughter from both boys, one learned how to sit on his own for a few seconds and we were starting on napping in the afternoon in their cribs. (The first 4 months they would scream in their cribs if we tried to get them to nap in them!) So now the boys are regularly sleeping the night and mom still isn't. I will be glad when I get a good night sleep, I am still waiting!

Finally I am pretty much up to date and I can start publishing what's new in the life of a twin mom. I will also keep you up to date on our next round of IVF. I am so sad that we had infertility problems if I was younger and didn't have issues I am sure I would have 4 or so kids, I love being a mom!

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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

So much to do so little time...

It's a sad day today...
- First my Dr. informed me that she is moving to a city 4 hrs away (a little far for an appt, although I did it many times for IVF. Funny thing is she is moving to the same city where my IVF clinic is. ) - Second I quit my full time job to be a stay at home mom. Actually I quit my career of 17 years, I have knots in my poor belly.
- Third I finally got my storage bill (only 6 months late) from the IVF clinic, for embies the hubby won't let me use.
- Fourth my BABY is now one and my twins are almost 3 (where the h-e-double hockey sticks did the time go?)
- Fifth I am still requiring PPD drugs... Yippee

and last but not least I am not sure if I am going to keep this blog going. I really really need to start moving past the Infertility and moving into a better place in my life. I think as a symbol of my moving forward I may just have to shutter-down (said like Larry the Cable guy! :) ).

For those of you who just can't miss any news never fear I am going to start up a new blog very soon... I will post a link when I get it all figured out.

Thanks for saying with me and hugs to all for your support during my second go at beating IF...



honest scrap


Blogs I Read

IF Sisters

Mom Blogs

ICLW Blogs

I can't believe they want MY opinion!

So here is my opinion on some products I have been asked to review!

It all started with this:

I received a LOVELY gift basket on December 9,2008 so here is a list of the products that I am going to try out and let you know what I think! (When I am done with a review click on the product name to check out what I had to say!)

Completed Reviews:
Nestea Vitao enhanced drinks (Started Aug-09 Completed Sep-09)
Febreeze Candles and Room Spray-Destinations Collection (started Apr/09 Completed July-09)
Swiffer Duster (started Apr/09 Completed July-09)
Swiffer Dust and Shine (started review Jan/09 Completed May-09)
Mr Clean Disinfecting Wipes - With Febreze (completed May-09)
Ultra Concentrated Dawn Plus - Dish Soap (started review Dec-09 completed May-09)
Febreze - Fabric Refresher (completed Apr-09 )
Febreze Candle -Vanilla & Refresh Scent (completed Apr-09)
Oral B Triumph toothbrush (completed March-09)
Febreze NOTICEables(started review Dec-09 completed Jan-09)
Swiffer Wet Jet (completed Jan-09)
Cascade All In 1 - Dishwasher tabs (completed Jan-09)

Product List

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser - Extra Power
Presidents Choice Free - Beef

created: 11-Dec-08
updated: 27-May-09