Our Journey - Part 2

Our Journey to have a family - IVF - Part 2

I had ended up having emergency surgery to remove my Gal Bladder in February (2004). I found out that surgery happens quickly when you leave things way to long. Ooops! I was off recovering from my surgery when I got my first call to accept a cycle of IVF. WOW that was quick I was totally shocked. We declined due to my recovery and we declined the next month as well, I just wasn’t prepared yet. Well 3 months later we were about to begin, we accepted a cycle.

IVF – the journey

We were told that the emotions one has to deal with during IVF are similar to the emotions that one would have to deal with if they had a terminal illness. I didn't ever think it would be that bad. (Well it was going to work the first time right?)

We started our journey with a bunch of drugs, nasal spray, and then injections in May of 2004. The injections weren't too bad as it was a pen style injection needle. Fairly easy to do and not screw up!! I still remember my first injection. I had to take them at a certain time. I was waiting for my dear husband to call to check up on me (he never did… man was I pissed). I held the needle above my belly for quite some time, to nervous to jab it in. Finally I thought to myself this is stupid and I jabbed it in, hey it wasn't so bad, until I pressed the button. Well it stung a little but really it wasn't all that bad. There are much worse things that's for sure!

Well after needles the trips to our clinic began (June 04), it is a 4 and a half hour drive to our clinic. We didn't know when our retrieval would be so I we drove down for our blood work and ultrasounds for a couple of days. I got sick so I decided that we should just go stay. We packed up our trailer and off we went. They figured I had about 12 follicles so I was hoping we would get about 10 good eggs.

We finally got out date for our retrieval. The night before retrieval I had to take a 'trigger' shot to release my eggs. It was in a real needle from a real vial this time. Well it was 10pm at night I was to take this. Here I was sitting in our trailer getting ready and I ended up spilling half of my dose. I was freaked out, thinking I had ruined everything. I called the clinics emergency number and they told me not to worry I had more than enough. Of course I was worried!!

The next day we had our retrieval. They got 20 eggs from 12 follicles. They said I did awesome considering I only had one ovary. We were so hopeful. We were also lucky that we didn't need ICSI which would have cost us more money!! 17 of the 20 eggs fertilized. 14 ended up making it. We had 2 embryo's transferred 3 days after the retrieval. We would know by the beginning of July if one had stuck or not. I had never felt better going through IVF. The hormones were obviously working for me. I was 100% sure it had worked!

Our first failed cycle (July 2004)
Well I figured that the first go round hadn't worked as aunt flo came to visit the day before my PG test. I was upset but hopeful as we still had frozen embryo's. It was difficult but not as bad as I thought as I was sure it would work the next time.

I was eager to get on the waiting list again, so I signed up the same day I notified the clinic of my failed cycle. They told me that a frozen transfer is a lot easier and NO injections. I was happy to hear about that.

Round 2 – Our first frozen transfer (September 2004).

Well just 2 cycles later we were on the roller coaster again. We were set for a frozen transfer in September (2004). This ended up being the most difficult time in my life. I did the nasal spray and pills until the transfer at the end of September. We went in for the transfer, my husband was with me. It ended up that my cervix was not in the correct position. I found out that when a dr. says cough, just do it!! I was wondering why?? So I didn't cough when I was supposed to. OUCH, the dr. used some nasty 'salad tong' type tools with pointy ends to move things around. It was very painful and not much fun. I just had a bad feeling about things after that.

Two weeks later we got the news; the cycle failed we were not pregnant. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how difficult it was waiting to find out if we were PG. I went in and did a 'pee' test in the morning and had to wait until the afternoon to find out. I think this was one of the longest days of my life.

I figured that we would never have children now, it felt like it was all over. I was also angry that we would not get a chance to do another cycle this year. It was just before my birthday that I found out and it made for an unpleasant thanksgiving. I have never been so upset in my life. I felt like the whole world was about to come down on my shoulders. What was I to do now???

At this point I had pretty much given up in IVF. I may try again but was convinced that it would NEVER work for us. I was severely depressed, but still signed up for another cycle. There was some reason that I really wanted to do this again this year, which is weird because I was convinced that it would never work.

My husband and I contacted a couple that had adopted 2 children to talk to them. We had decided that we were going to start down that road in the New Year. I wasn't sure how we were going to afford it but we just really wanted a family no matter where it came from as every child is a gift.

I spent the next few months just getting through every day, the second failure was a lot for me to process. I was now getting an understanding as to how difficult IVF is. I spent hours on the internet researching IVF, not that I didn’t know a little already. I seemed to always be looking for answers.
After so many years of dealing with infertility then finally having some hope again, bursting that bubble was just too much for me to take. Then we got the phone call to go again! What am I crazy?? (I think I was a little at the time!! ( )

Round #3 - 2nd Frozen Transfer (December 2004)

Well we started again in November of 2004 (the biological clock is ticking I didn’t want to waste any time!!). December 1st it was time for our 3rd transfer. Was I crazy, doing this again… I think so!! I certainly would not recommend this to anyone; take a break, what is 2 or 3 more months in the scheme of things!!

Anyway we went in for our transfer and we had the first doctor I had seen at the clinic. We really like him and he took the time to get the embryos in without the 'salad tongs'. The whole experience was different and the nurses were really nice too. Not that they weren’t before, it was just different. We had 3 embryo's transferred. We were going away for Christmas so they let us test a couple of days early, just in case as I would need to refill my prescriptions.

Well the 2 weeks passed, and I was 150% sure that it hadn't worked. The first year anniversary of my grandmothers passing also came and went during the dreaded 2 week wait. I went for my blood test in the morning, I asked the tech when I would get my results but she wouldn’t tell me. Half way through I asked again, I just wanted to know when I could call my dr.'s office. Then I started to cry. Finally I think the tech was pissed at me and said fine, I will put a rush on it. All I wanted to know was when to call my dr. oh well at least she put a rush on it.

So I waited out that day, and waited and waited, for what seemed like forever. I finally called my clinic at 2pm, Dec 14th. I was put on hold for 5 minutes. (I think they called and were waiting for the fax to come in.) The nurse (that I have known since I was 6) came on the phone and said "it looks like you are pregnant". I am thinking Looks Like?? What the heck does that mean??? So I asked for my numbers they were 408. Some gals I talk with figured I could have multiples. Yikes! Holly Sh*t I was actually PG?? Could that ever happen to me??? I was in shock and disbelief. I called the clinic and they said to book an ultrasound for January.

We were leaving in 3 short days for our Christmas vacation and now I was paranoid about flying. I was also waiting for things to go wrong. After 11 years of trying how could this be true??

See Part 3 – My Pregnancy