Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A day in the life with twins!

A day in the life... with twins!

Ok so here is what a day is like in my world
1am - up with screaming baby... phew back to sleep and the brother is still asleep
4:30am - up again, same baby, couldn't calm him down, took him out of the room before he wakes up his brother. Took him to bed with me
7am - finally screaming baby falls asleep
7:20am - brother wakes up, CRAP!
7:22am - quick bathroom break, turn on kettle, warm up bottles, quick breakfast
7:30am - get boys ready to feed
7:42am - start breastfeeding, didn't go well will be glad when boys are weaned (we are currently working on that!
8:00am - bottle feed boys
8:10am - change diapers and play with boys
9:00am - get ready to feed boys their 'solids'
9:15am - yes they eat quick! Do the dishes
9:20am - move boys to day time playing room
10:00am - boys have their morning nap, a few minutes for mom to do 'stuff' or relax
11:00am - thaw out breast milk and get ready for lunch, wake up boys and play with them until lunch
11:30am - get bottles and food ready and feed boys
12:00pm -yup boys are done eating, move them to their bedroom, change their diapers and play with them until nap time
1:00pm - Nap time!!! Yay!
1:30pm - Usually asleep by now!! Mom gets some time to clean-up and/or computer time
Various - if they fuss go stuff the soother in their mouth quickly before they wake up the other one
3:30pm - Wake the munchkins! Play with them until the next feed
4:00pm - Thaw out breast milk and get ready for supper feed
4:30pm - Feed the boys
5:00pm - Clean up and eat
6:00pm - Move the boys back to their day time playing room, relax for a while
8:00pm - Get ready for baths and the last feed of the day
8:30pm - Last meal of the day!!
9:20pm - Off to bed for the boys
9:30pm - Clean 'spew' stains out of clothes and get bottles ready for the morning
10:00pm - Off to bed for the parents!

Our Journey - Part 5

Our Journey to have a family - The first 5 months with Twins - Part 5

Well once we got home reality started to set in. Man 2 babies can be a lot of work!! My dear husband had a month off of work so I was lucky to have his help for a few more weeks. I was still struggling to recover from what I was now finding out was a difficult pregnancy. We arrived home later than we had hoped and we had nothing we needed as far as baby food went. We sent my parents on a formula run and we proceeded to get organized.

I was planning on putting the boys in their room, but after having them bunk in for so long in the hospital I just couldn't do it. My poor husband had to take one of our cribs apart to move it into our bedroom that night.

We managed to make it through those first couple of weeks with very little sleep. The boys were awake at night and were sleeping during the day. Unfortunately, we could not change our sleep patterns to match the boys. When the going got tough, we just kept remembering how lucky we were to have them.

We finally managed to move them into the crib in their room in preparation for dad to go back to work. We couldn't have them waking dad up, he needs some sleep too.

The nights were painful, I didn't realize how difficult it would be to feed babies every 2 hours or so, I longed for them to sleep through the night.

My husband works early in the morning, so I wanted him to get some good sleep before going back to work so we bought an air mattress and I moved into the babies room. I really had problems moving them out of our room I was terrified something would happen to them. I had so many nightmares about something bad happening to them it made it tough. I was even seeing little white coffins, which still gives me chills.

Well it was time for my husband to go back to work; I will NEVER forget my first night and day alone with twins. I wondered how I was ever going to manage. By the end of the week, I had found my rhythm and things were getting easier. I was breastfeeding and pumping so it kept me busy during the day, between washing stuff and diapers and spending time with the boys I never got bored!!

I still wasn't feeling well and just waiting for my husband to get home to help me out a bit. I was a little jealous for the first couple of months that he got a break and I didn't. As much as I loved and wanted my little ones, there were still difficult days. I think it made it easier that we tried for so long to get pregnant that we appreciated them so much that it made the bad days a little easier. I was hoping that it would mean that we had no bad days... man was I dreaming!

I just kept waiting for them to sleep a little longer and a little longer, by their 4th month they finally hit the 6am mark. I was happy and still waiting for the 8am mark! The first few months were really a blur and it is truly amazing how fast they grow! I would have never believed it until I lived it that's for sure.

I was trying to keep track of all their firsts, that became a difficult task, but I have done my best. The first smiles were amazing and each milestone is even more amazing.

I spent 2 weeks alone at the beginning of December. My husband had to go help out his folks as his father had a heart attack in November. Some friends offered to help me out, but when my husband left I was truly on my own for 2 weeks. I had phoned a friend for help one day, but she was busy dying her hair and couldn't help. After that I gave up. I was lucky the boys were pretty good for those 2 weeks as I had no help at all. It wasn't so bad except supper. I didn't have any time or energy at the end of the day to prepare food. Thank goodness for frozen dinners! (I really need some new family and friends!! Did I mention that I had to take the boys for their 4 month shots too? All alone that was no fun at all!)

Finally dad came home and Christmas was around the corner. We enjoyed our 1st Christmas with the boys and it also brought their first solids. My goodness solid foods already! I had finally decided that it was time to give up pumping! I returned my rental breast pump at the end of December. I was happy about that as I had been pumping since July after every feed, and when the boys stopped getting up at night I was still getting up at 3am pumping!! NO MORE!! (Needless to say I have enough frozen breast milk for at least 2 months after I stop breastfeeding)

By the end of the fifth month we were enjoying smiles and laughter from both boys, one learned how to sit on his own for a few seconds and we were starting on napping in the afternoon in their cribs. (The first 4 months they would scream in their cribs if we tried to get them to nap in them!) So now the boys are regularly sleeping the night and mom still isn't. I will be glad when I get a good night sleep, I am still waiting!

Finally I am pretty much up to date and I can start publishing what's new in the life of a twin mom. I will also keep you up to date on our next round of IVF. I am so sad that we had infertility problems if I was younger and didn't have issues I am sure I would have 4 or so kids, I love being a mom!

Our Journey - Part 4

Our Journey to have a family - My Delivery - Part 4

I was huge. I was getting to the point I didn't know how I could possibly make it through another day. My last dr.'s appt I had elevated protein in my urine so I was admitted that day, July 20th. I was only 35 weeks and 3 days, I was hoping to make it a few more but by this point I was DONE!!

On July 21st I went for an ultrasound in the morning and the dr. came to see me at 4pm, we were scheduled for a c-section at 4:30pm that day. Cody was born at 4:54pm weighing in at 7lbs and Chase was born at 4:55pm weighing in at 5lbs 5ozs. They actually had to push Chase back in as he was trying to come out at the same time as Cody. They were actually born more like a second apart!! It was quite an experience. Hearing them cry was quite amazing. I got to see Cody on their way to the nursery but I never did get to see Chase, just the way he was being held.

I was expecting to see the boys when I was out of recovery in about an hour; unfortunately I was to spend 2 days in recovery. The last few months of my pregnancy had taken its toll on my body and now I was about to find out how much. I never did get to see Chase that day as they were unable to bring him out to see him. I spent a couple of days being monitored closely and going for a lot of tests. I was having blood pressure and breathing problems. I spent a good part of the first night shaking too, that wasn't much fun. At one time, I had IV's in both of my arms and I even had to have my catheter replaced as I wasn't having any output! My bladder was nicked during my surgery so I ended up with the catheter for 10 days or so.

The boys did really well and were on room air right from birth, they did need a feeding tube for 5 days but after that, they were good. They had to learn to suck. They stayed in the nursery for a while then they were moved to my room. I spent my time trying to gain my strength back. I didn't walk out of my room until the day I went home, I had quite a time out of it. I had to use a walker for quite some time too, that was no fun at all.

Lindsay stayed with me almost the entire time, once the boys moved to my room I needed his help. I couldn’t carry the boys just yet. July 28th the boys moved into my room, in retrospect I should have waited another day or so until I got a little stronger but I was glad to have them with me.

Finally, on August 2nd we got to go home!! What a tiring day. I had to go for a test to make sure my bladder was fixed before I got to go home, and I finally got my catheter out! It was quite and emotional trip home, we finally had our family.

See Part 5 – The First 5 months

Our Journey - Part 3

Our Journey to have a family - My Pregnancy - Part 3

Well after 11 years TTC we were finally PG. It was a shock, and I couldn’t help thinking what could go wrong and what have we done messing with mother nature? We were due August 22nd, 2005

Well I hadn't told anyone in my family that we were going through IVF. I caved and told my mom on a really bad day during my 2 week wait. BAD idea!! Then I had to tell her that I was PG. Even though I asked her not to tell anyone they did anyway. We were away for Christmas and so I guess she thought she would tell people since we weren't there (anything to get back at me I guess). I was like 3 weeks PG I didn't want to tell anyone just yet and after all we had been through I thought it was our news to share with the family. According to my parents it was 'their' news to share. Man was I annoyed. They even told some friends that I wanted to tell. If I ever manage to get PG they will be the last people to know!! She was even telling people at work and customers and to this day she still tells everyone that we went through IVF. I think that is up to me if I want to share that or not. Ugg, oh well I had to get that off of my chest. Now onto more wonderful things!!

Well we were away for 2 weeks, it was great and very relaxing. I think it was the most relaxing Christmas ever. I really enjoyed it, when we are at home we have to go everywhere and see everyone, we didn’t do that when we were away. It was so cool on Christmas Eve there was a nasty storm and we lost power, we got to eat by lamp light. It was so nice. Anyway we stayed until New Years and came home a few days after. I won’t forget the day we came home as it was my first experience with Morning Sickness, or what I decided to call 24/7 sickness!!! It didn’t help that I had caught a cold, so at first I wasn't sure if it was the cold or morning sickness. We had to be up early to catch our flight and man was I nauseous. The first leg of our flight I was looking for the barf bag… couldn't find one though!! I was lucky and I didn't get sick.

Our first ultrasound was a day after we returned. I have a bit of a belly to begin with so the normal ultrasound wasn't good enough; they had to do the internal one. Yuck. Of course I was paranoid about that too, I was afraid it would knock something out. ( What can I say I was pretty much paranoid for the first 3 months! I was so freaked out as it seemed like it took forever and she didn’t say much else. I thought something was wrong or I wasn't Pregnant anymore. Anyway I had a feeling that we had more than one just by what the u/s tech said. She asked me how old 'they' should be. I was lucky that they let my husband in to see the u/s as they normally don't with internal ultrasounds.

Oh my that was quite an amazing moment, almost as amazing as their birth. Yes we had twins!! We got to see 2 little heart beats just a beating away. It was AMAZING!! My husband and I both broke into the 'ugly' cry as Oprah would say!! My family dr. was so kind she even called when she got the ultrasound results to let us know that we had twins and everything looked good.

I had to take the rest of the week off of work as I was very sick with a cold and I was worried about the babies! Wow 2 babies (man I had no idea what I was in for!! )! I had always wanted twins. I am an only child and I didn't really want to have an only child. I was concerned that with our fertility problems if we ever did have kids we would only have one. Problem solved!

Needless to say we didn't tell my family that we were having twins. We decided to wait until the first trimester was complete.

I think that next month was a blur as I was really sick with the cold and the morning sickness was starting to get worse. I ended up having to take the month of February off of work due to morning sickness. It was brutal, I had to go on diclectin, which worried me too! The morning sickness did make me feel better about the Pregnancy, as long as I was sick I new things were ok.

I had to go for ultrasounds monthly, which was good as it gave me some piece of mind. I would have a dr's appt then two weeks later an ultrasound then another 2 weeks would be another dr's appt. This meant I either got to see the little ones or hear their heart beats every couple of weeks. It truly was helpful on keeping me a little less worried about the Pregnancy. The first few months every ultrasound I would be so worried that there would only be one fetus and one would be gone. I always felt better when we got to see them.

We had another u/s Feb 14th it was a little painful as they were really pushing with the u/s wand. It was cool and I was past the 3 month hump so I was starting to feel a little better. (I got to keep the morning sickness for another month though!! ( ) My husband phoned all his family and I emailed the u/s picture to my parents, told them if they wanted to know how many they could figure it out themselves. They had marked the u/s Twin A/Twin B so I had to remove that after I scanned them in. As ultrasounds aren't that clear that early they never did figure it out!! ( I am sooo bad! We did tell them there were twins by the end of the day though, I am not that mean. (Although I would have liked to make them stew for a while. Needless to say they called everyone they knew to tell them).

By the end of March the Morning Sickness started to improve. My husband used to laugh at me when he would hear me crunching on crackers at 3 in the morning. It used to wake me up a lot. I was really nervous when it started to improve as the sickness was comforting. I guess that is the joys of dealing with infertility for 10 plus years.

I had been so exhausted for the first couple of months so now I was finally starting to feel better and my belly was starting to grow. We started cleaning out the house and getting ready for the babies, after 10 years of marriage and no kids our house was not fit for babies.

I finally got in to see my OB in March. She told me that regardless I would be taken off work at 26 weeks (middle of May). I was told that I would be on light bed rest at that time.. hmm sounds like fun! Not! Things were pretty much mundane for a while. I was suffering from Migraines now, which I never suffered from before, wonderful. We had yet another ultrasound (u/s) at the end of March; we found out that we were having 2 boys. I was kind of hoping for one of each but I really just wanted healthy babies. This time they actually looked like babies it was very cool and surreal. I was still in denial that I was actually pregnant, I think now it was starting to sink in a little???

In April I really started to get uncomfortable, we also started prenatal classes for couples with multiples. (That was fun; they just scared the crap out of me when they started in on the signs of preterm labour and all the nasty things that can go wrong with multiple births) Near the end of April I was getting low pressure, it was really uncomfortable. I called my OB. She made me go into the hospital for a check right away. That was my last day of work. I was officially on bed rest, no shopping allowed (we still hadn’t bought cribs yet, or any other baby stuff.)

I thought I would get lots done now that I was off work, but each week that went by just got more difficult. I thought it was bad a first but I had NO idea what I was in for in the coming weeks.

We were supposed to go camping in May however I opted to stay home as it was very difficult for me to get comfortable. I didn't think I would be able to get comfortable away from home. It was good we didn’t go as it was the first of one of my bad weekends. I was getting really big now, every appt to my doctor she would say 'oh I feel sorry for you'. That can't be good if the dr. is saying that??

Well May and June came and went with no major issues; I kept growing and kept getting more uncomfortable which is to be expected with twins. My goal was to make it at least to 32 weeks so I could deliver at the hospital my dr. works at. I was really hoping to make it to August 5th. My original due date was the 22nd so I was hoping I could make it that far.

I spent most of my time watching TV by July. Good thing I can stand soaps or I would have been in trouble! July was a very difficult month for me; I just kept trying to take it one day at a time. There was no getting comfortable and sleeping was not so great! The last two weeks of my pg I gained 40 lbs. It was horrible. I had to be careful on how I got into the shower; if I turned sideways I wouldn't be able to make it in the door. Wow was I getting huge. I was getting to the point I didn't know how I could possibly make it through another day. My last dr.'s appt I had elevated protein in my urine so I was admitted that day, July 20th. (There was no way I wanted to have the boys on the 21st as my mom would win the family baby pool) I was only 35 weeks and 3 days, I was hoping to make it a few more but by this point I was DONE!! (

See Part 4 – My Delivery

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Our Journey - Part 2

Our Journey to have a family - IVF - Part 2

I had ended up having emergency surgery to remove my Gal Bladder in February (2004). I found out that surgery happens quickly when you leave things way to long. Ooops! I was off recovering from my surgery when I got my first call to accept a cycle of IVF. WOW that was quick I was totally shocked. We declined due to my recovery and we declined the next month as well, I just wasn’t prepared yet. Well 3 months later we were about to begin, we accepted a cycle.

IVF – the journey

We were told that the emotions one has to deal with during IVF are similar to the emotions that one would have to deal with if they had a terminal illness. I didn't ever think it would be that bad. (Well it was going to work the first time right?)

We started our journey with a bunch of drugs, nasal spray, and then injections in May of 2004. The injections weren't too bad as it was a pen style injection needle. Fairly easy to do and not screw up!! I still remember my first injection. I had to take them at a certain time. I was waiting for my dear husband to call to check up on me (he never did… man was I pissed). I held the needle above my belly for quite some time, to nervous to jab it in. Finally I thought to myself this is stupid and I jabbed it in, hey it wasn't so bad, until I pressed the button. Well it stung a little but really it wasn't all that bad. There are much worse things that's for sure!

Well after needles the trips to our clinic began (June 04), it is a 4 and a half hour drive to our clinic. We didn't know when our retrieval would be so I we drove down for our blood work and ultrasounds for a couple of days. I got sick so I decided that we should just go stay. We packed up our trailer and off we went. They figured I had about 12 follicles so I was hoping we would get about 10 good eggs.

We finally got out date for our retrieval. The night before retrieval I had to take a 'trigger' shot to release my eggs. It was in a real needle from a real vial this time. Well it was 10pm at night I was to take this. Here I was sitting in our trailer getting ready and I ended up spilling half of my dose. I was freaked out, thinking I had ruined everything. I called the clinics emergency number and they told me not to worry I had more than enough. Of course I was worried!!

The next day we had our retrieval. They got 20 eggs from 12 follicles. They said I did awesome considering I only had one ovary. We were so hopeful. We were also lucky that we didn't need ICSI which would have cost us more money!! 17 of the 20 eggs fertilized. 14 ended up making it. We had 2 embryo's transferred 3 days after the retrieval. We would know by the beginning of July if one had stuck or not. I had never felt better going through IVF. The hormones were obviously working for me. I was 100% sure it had worked!

Our first failed cycle (July 2004)
Well I figured that the first go round hadn't worked as aunt flo came to visit the day before my PG test. I was upset but hopeful as we still had frozen embryo's. It was difficult but not as bad as I thought as I was sure it would work the next time.

I was eager to get on the waiting list again, so I signed up the same day I notified the clinic of my failed cycle. They told me that a frozen transfer is a lot easier and NO injections. I was happy to hear about that.

Round 2 – Our first frozen transfer (September 2004).

Well just 2 cycles later we were on the roller coaster again. We were set for a frozen transfer in September (2004). This ended up being the most difficult time in my life. I did the nasal spray and pills until the transfer at the end of September. We went in for the transfer, my husband was with me. It ended up that my cervix was not in the correct position. I found out that when a dr. says cough, just do it!! I was wondering why?? So I didn't cough when I was supposed to. OUCH, the dr. used some nasty 'salad tong' type tools with pointy ends to move things around. It was very painful and not much fun. I just had a bad feeling about things after that.

Two weeks later we got the news; the cycle failed we were not pregnant. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe how difficult it was waiting to find out if we were PG. I went in and did a 'pee' test in the morning and had to wait until the afternoon to find out. I think this was one of the longest days of my life.

I figured that we would never have children now, it felt like it was all over. I was also angry that we would not get a chance to do another cycle this year. It was just before my birthday that I found out and it made for an unpleasant thanksgiving. I have never been so upset in my life. I felt like the whole world was about to come down on my shoulders. What was I to do now???

At this point I had pretty much given up in IVF. I may try again but was convinced that it would NEVER work for us. I was severely depressed, but still signed up for another cycle. There was some reason that I really wanted to do this again this year, which is weird because I was convinced that it would never work.

My husband and I contacted a couple that had adopted 2 children to talk to them. We had decided that we were going to start down that road in the New Year. I wasn't sure how we were going to afford it but we just really wanted a family no matter where it came from as every child is a gift.

I spent the next few months just getting through every day, the second failure was a lot for me to process. I was now getting an understanding as to how difficult IVF is. I spent hours on the internet researching IVF, not that I didn’t know a little already. I seemed to always be looking for answers.
After so many years of dealing with infertility then finally having some hope again, bursting that bubble was just too much for me to take. Then we got the phone call to go again! What am I crazy?? (I think I was a little at the time!! ( )

Round #3 - 2nd Frozen Transfer (December 2004)

Well we started again in November of 2004 (the biological clock is ticking I didn’t want to waste any time!!). December 1st it was time for our 3rd transfer. Was I crazy, doing this again… I think so!! I certainly would not recommend this to anyone; take a break, what is 2 or 3 more months in the scheme of things!!

Anyway we went in for our transfer and we had the first doctor I had seen at the clinic. We really like him and he took the time to get the embryos in without the 'salad tongs'. The whole experience was different and the nurses were really nice too. Not that they weren’t before, it was just different. We had 3 embryo's transferred. We were going away for Christmas so they let us test a couple of days early, just in case as I would need to refill my prescriptions.

Well the 2 weeks passed, and I was 150% sure that it hadn't worked. The first year anniversary of my grandmothers passing also came and went during the dreaded 2 week wait. I went for my blood test in the morning, I asked the tech when I would get my results but she wouldn’t tell me. Half way through I asked again, I just wanted to know when I could call my dr.'s office. Then I started to cry. Finally I think the tech was pissed at me and said fine, I will put a rush on it. All I wanted to know was when to call my dr. oh well at least she put a rush on it.

So I waited out that day, and waited and waited, for what seemed like forever. I finally called my clinic at 2pm, Dec 14th. I was put on hold for 5 minutes. (I think they called and were waiting for the fax to come in.) The nurse (that I have known since I was 6) came on the phone and said "it looks like you are pregnant". I am thinking Looks Like?? What the heck does that mean??? So I asked for my numbers they were 408. Some gals I talk with figured I could have multiples. Yikes! Holly Sh*t I was actually PG?? Could that ever happen to me??? I was in shock and disbelief. I called the clinic and they said to book an ultrasound for January.

We were leaving in 3 short days for our Christmas vacation and now I was paranoid about flying. I was also waiting for things to go wrong. After 11 years of trying how could this be true??

See Part 3 – My Pregnancy

Friday, January 13, 2006

Our Journey - Part 1

The long and short of it… ok the long version on how we became parents – Part 1

So this is the whole story. My dh and I met 10 years before we married, we did not start dating until the year before we married though. My dh is 9 years older than I am so dating didn't even cross our minds when we met as I was only 14!! In 1994 we were finally married exactly 1 year after our first date. We were engaged only 2 months after we started dating. I was not ready to get married however I knew I had a keeper so I decided to forgo a season on the ski hill!

We did not plan on starting a family right away or really talk about it but we weren't taking any precautions if you know what I mean. Well the years came and went and still no pregnancy. We enjoyed many years of skiing and some traveling in North America. As time went by I began to worry as I felt in my heart that I would never get pregnant and would never have a family of my own. Depression started to set in and our marriage began to run into some issues.


In December of 2000 we found out that I had a mass in my abdomen, with a trip to a ob/gyn we found out that there was actually 2 masses and they were much larger than first expected. I was scheduled for surgery in Feb of 2001. It was a real turning point for our marriage, it got us on track and really got us started talking about having a family. Our problems were finally behind us and we were ready to take on the world!!

Well January came and the pain in my abdomen got worse, I couldn't even sit in a chair anymore. In retrospect I should have probably called my doctor back, but I waited patiently for my surgery. Feb came and it was time for my surgery… I was terrified as I had avoided the dr. all these years and now I had to go in for surgery. They figured it was a common problem of fibroids. They were hoping to remove them laprascopically (SP?) but before they even started they decided to go for a laparotmoy (sp?). The 'big' cut as I like to call it.

When I woke up I found out that things hadn't gone quite as planned and they needed to work on me for quite a while. The first thing they said was they were unable to save my right ovary, all I wanted was to see my husband, I was terrified, what did this mean as far as our chances to have a child. Unfortunately I am one of those people that wake up after surgery totally coherent (not to mention awake for 2 days after as well!). Eventually I was moved back up to the day surgery ward and I got to see my husband and tell him what was going on. At this point we didn't know how it was going to affect my fertility and I was really freaked out, I had to wait until the next day to talk to a doctor.

The next day I found out that they also removed two growths, one the size of a melon and one the size of an orange. I guess they had really grown since they first saw them on ultrasound in December. The smaller one was really weird so they had someone take a look at it right away and it was sent of for further testing. My dr. and the other surgeon said they had never seen anything like it before. I don’t imagine that can be a good thing??

Well after an unpleasant few days in the hospital my Dr. let me go home early. I didn't get the greatest nursing staff it was truly hell and I wasn't even being difficult. It all started just a couple hours after surgery the nurse didn't want to slide me over to the next bed she wanted me to get up and do it myself. I only had a catheter and a fresh 8 inch incision in my belly. I found out later that I wasn’t supposed to be out of bed so soon, I was lucky I didn't fall I was so weak. Anyway that is enough whining about that. I know that we all don't have good days so I am just hoping I ran into a bunch of nurses that were just having bad days. I must admit I would not want their jobs!!!

Well after being released it was back home to continue recovery and to move toward our goal of having a family.


Time to recover, after 3 weeks had passed I was grateful that I had not heard back anything about the cyst that they sent away for testing. I think it was about the 4th week, my recovery slowed, I was having problems walking. I decided that I should phone the doctor. He was busy so the nurse called me back to talk to me, she figured it was just because they had been hitting nerves in my legs when I was getting injections after my surgery. No biggy it would heal soon. I thought I was done. That afternoon I got a call back from the dr., my husband has just arrived home (thank goodness). He said he had my test results in front of him and that I had an appointment at the Cancer Clinic for a consultation. I didn’t really get any good information; I was just scared to death!! It is a good thing I called though as I got my startup package from the cancer clinic in the mail the very next day. Can you imagine if I hadn’t have talked to him first… yikes.

Well anyway the appointment at the Cancer Clinic came and went. I had a form of ovarian cancer, lucky for me it was self contained so really I didn't have to worry at all. I never thought I would ever be told I had cancer and I never even thought that for a moment that I would ever hear anything back about my tests. It was quite a shock. But I was truly lucky that all that was required was to have ultrasounds every 6 months just to make sure everything was ok.

I remember some co-workers dismissed the fact that I had cancer because I didn’t have to have any treatments, just surgery. It really made me feel like I didn't have a right to be worried and scared. I know other people are much worse off but it truly was the most horrible thing that happened to me. It made it really difficult for me to deal with and put behind me. I did learn that I should never discount what a person is going through as to them it may be the most difficult time of their life, just cause it isn't the worst thing that you have ever been through doest make it an less painful for them. Little did I know things would get even rougher for my husband and I.

Trying again
Well it was time to start trying again, trying meant charting everything! Yipee! We had dr.'s permission to start trying again so off we went!!! Just 5 months after my surgery my dh was scheduled for major jaw surgery, anything to get rid of his headaches that would last for months on end. Of course it was considered cosmetic so we had a big bill to go with that one, he even had to pay for the surgery. They had to do a lot of work and it was quite disturbing to see his poor swollen head after surgery. Then I had to get used to his new look, that was strange, he didn’t look the same as our wedding pictures. He was out of the hospital in 4 days, only to have major issues and end up back again. He had an aneurysm in his main facial artery. I won't get into details; let's just put it this way I don't know how he was still standing after all the blood he lost. I had to call and ambulance, it was the longest 3 minutes of my life waiting for them to come. Well he finally healed up and was home again. We had to put our trying on hold for a lot longer than we had hoped while he healed up. It was a scary time for us and I am sure glad it is over. I am so glad that time of our lives was over.

Soon came my 6 month checkup, they found a growth and were worried about it, this lead to 3 month checkups for a year. Everything turned out fine; it was a major sigh of relief. And we are still in 2001.

In December of 01 I got to experience my first HSG. I was one of the lucky ones who got to experience excruciating pain, man was I glad that was over with quick! I had read that sometimes this 'clears the way' and some people get PG after. No such luck!

The next step fertility drugs

Well now for the fertility drugs…. Great! We started in January. (Oh ya still charting, I think I can tell you for about 3 years when we did the 'deed'… talk about sucking the fun out of it!! ()

Things were starting to get strained in our relationship again. My husband did not want to see me have to go through everything. He announced that he wanted to stop trying. I was totally devastated. I never thought I would ever forgive him for telling me this. After some long chats we were both on the same page again. But I think for the next year I kept thinking about that every month when I didn't become pregnant.

I was truly hopeful that the fertility drugs would work and was secretly hoping for twins, I thought that would be cool. I think a lot of us feel that way when we have to get a little help in the conception department.

Well the fertility drugs came and went and so did the months of hoping this time would work. The visits to the ob/gyn office came and went. These visits were so horrible, small office full of very pg women was not a good place for someone suffering through infertility.

I still can't believe that every month when we knew it didn't work again I would still be so upset. You would think after a while you would not expect anything different; hope can make life difficult at times.

More tests

Well more tests were required; a laparoscopy (lap) was scheduled for the spring of 2002. My husband also had to have the dreaded sperm analysis (S/A)… why do men hate that so much?? It seems just a little less invasive than the tests women have to go through… HSG anyone?? Anyway the S/A was fine the lap was fine, the dr. removed some scar tissue but nothing serious. So this leads us to the diagnosis of Unexplained Infertility. Great! (Note the sarcasm)

More fertility drugs on and off.. I was not happy. Just after my surgery it ended up that my Gal bladder started causing me trouble, in April they figured I should get it removed. I had enough of surgery for now so I procrastinated!! :(

Now the decision of IVF was right in front of us. I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down that road or not, I was still hoping it would just work the old fashion way.

Road Block

In Feb of 2003 I had finally decided that maybe we should follow the adoption route. We were looking at adopting an older child. I had printed out the paper work and brought it home to look at with my husband. We were going to look into it the next week. I suppose I will always remember this day. Friday, February 14th, 2003… yes Valentines Day. My husband came home sat in front of me and held my hands and said I have something to tell you. I thought he had a nice surprise for Valentines Day. He lost his job. No explanation, no warning, nothing. It ended up that he was fired so a buddy of two of the guys could have my husbands' job. We foolishly decided to pursue a wrongful dismissal law suite. Our legal system is to protect the guilty. The other side had no case yet still managed to drag out our legal costs for 2 years.

Anyway it cost us a lot of money and heartache and put a stop to our adoption plans.

My husband was working very quickly after as he is well respected in his field, no one could believe what had happened to him because of what kind of worker he was. The two gentlemen (if you can call them that) were escorted off the property a year later (yup fired), I think that felt better than settling our law suit!!

Anyway it cost us a lot of money so IVF was out of the picture for a while. My heart was broken but we were so preoccupied with other stuff that it was a distraction anyway.

On the path again – More decisions

Well the summer came and we knew the wait for IVF could be a long one so we decided to get our referral letter in by the fall. A couple of months later we got the call for our first consultation. At the end of November we had our consult and we had decided that in December of 2003 we would pay our registration fee and get put on the waiting list. I was full of so much hope. It had to work right? Oh ya and I got to have another lovely HSG, frick do I hate those things as I am sure anyone else who has had one feels too!

When December came there was a death in the family so we decided to wait until the new year to register with our IVF clinic. It was a hard decision as not everyone agrees with 'messing with mother nature'. This really bothered me, but it was our last hope.

Well January came (and yes I still was having Gal Bladder issues, a few dr's have told me that I have an extremely high pain tolerance, I think it’s just stupidity!! Ha ha) and we registered. Let the wait begin.

See Part 2 for the continuing story!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Getting going

Ok so I finally got around to creating a blog! I am on the computer enough that I thought it was time. Coming soon my story, our battle with infertility and the birth of our twins.