#357 - I can't even get disowned properly

Well apparently H*ell has frozen over (either that or my mother is FINALLY medicated!) She has been nice twice. That's more than in the last two years put together. I thought they had enough of us? The peace lasted one whole week, and now they are calling again. She has actually been nice twice, but I am not holding my breath. I am sure she will go back to being 'her' very soon.

Infertility SUCKS...
One of my cousins kids just announced her new PG. She is quitting school in December (she can't continue as she is doing some horse training thing.) Her and her boyfriend are really happy (now that the shock has worn off). Why do I care is what I would like to know, why does it still hurt to hear this stuff? I was really enjoying the fact that no one was married or planning to have any kids any time soon. Apparently the pangs of IF are still cropping up.... :( Nobody in the family 'gets' why this kind of stuff still bothers me, they all think I am nuts.

KIDDO NOTES
They ALWAYS want Dad, when he is home, when he isn't home. It's not just one or two it's all freaking three of them. So that means I am a) the most un-fun mom EVER or b)I suck as a mom. It makes me feel crappy that's for sure! To top it off the hubby has got Baby saying she is 'Dad's Girl' and if I ask her if she is "mom's girl" she yells "NO, Dad's girl". Meeeennn!

Boy #1 is fascinated by scissors. He likes to cut paper up (my new paper shredder! :) ) Today he learned how to cut around a shape, he was VERY proud! Baby is still mad I won't give her scissors! Boy #2 likes to cut paper up too, but mostly when his brother does it then he has to! :)

Good Night!

#356 - Sleepy!

Yup I was up to late last night... rotten computer! It is almost fixed... have a few glitchy things to resolve!

I had troubles getting through my class this morning... I was a bit over tired from the computer thing last night. Serves me right... so I got my act together and dug down to find some energy and give my all to the class. I have no idea what the student comments were like this time as they have gone to an online form. A summary of the feedback would be nice... but nothing. It's a new system so I suppose there are some things to 'work out'. I imagine it was developed in house so I am hoping some improvements will come very soon! :) (I like feedback... mostly the good stuff! HA HA! However the 'other' stuff helps me improve! The good stuff just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and probably makes me think that I am better than I am! LOL)

Now I wait for an install to complete and I shall be off to bed soon!

Good Night!

(Hope you folks got out and had some fun shopping today! Not my idea of fun, busy stores! However the sales are a nice treat. We have to wait for Boxing day (the day after Christmas for our sales I would much rather have the BIG one before Christmas to get some of those presents that people will be expecting))

#355 - That gives me an idea!

I think I should start celebrating American Thanksgiving too! A reason to have more turkey sounds good to me besides I have a lot to be thankful for!

I am thinking of a friend today who has a handicapped daughter who is very ill and is currently in the hospital... I am so very lucky to have 3 healthy children

Good night

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#374-It is official I have lost my mind

So what is wrong with me people? I guess I missed my old career so much that now I am writing programs just for fun? What is that all about anyway, not like I am bored!!! I have decided to write a POS (point of sale) system for the store that I work at. I am going to make it customizable enough so that I can possibly market it though. Hopefully I can make a few bucks from it! Time will tell I suppose!

I am loosing my mind I am sure of it! Lol

#354 - Happy Thanksgiving

Well I wanted to wish all my American friends a Happy Thanksgiving! (And have fun shopping on Friday)

I am happy about Thanksgiving because we are reaping the benefits of a bunch of sales at Michael's craft stores! (Got a few new cricut cartridges today!)

KIDDO NOTES
Man I really should take the kids out more though... that has got to be some kind of weight loss plan? In the car out of the car, and those rotten child seats, good thing they are safe or I would complain!

Oh yes and last night was nightmare night... and tonight was sleep walking night... oh my so much for sleeping through the night again. Boy2 has been a busy little dude at night, lets hope it's a QUICK phase!

#353-computers=grumpy

Arrg, my photo library and all my work is toast ! I sure hope I figure it out!

I managed to get my course and handouts ready for thursday! I really would have rather had a nap thought!

Good night! Time to go to sleep before I throw the computer out the patio door (2 expenses that I can not afford right now! Lol)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#352-yikes!

I am am still a little tired from my weekend! My son woke me up at 10:20 am saying "mom mom get up! Baby is awake!". Poor boy1 was probably up around 8am, what a horrible mom I am!!!!

Anyway I am off to bed so my kids don't have to wake me up in the morning! I think this is the first time ever that I have slept through their noises!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#351-56!!

Scrapbooking retreat was great!
56 pages done! Exhausted! Up until 4am last night! Missed the family but glad to be getting more done! Next project, sleep then getting ready to teach Thursday and Friday!

Night!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#350 - Yey!

Well I think my computer is back to normal... maybe even better than it was before! :) YEY! I am way behind on my course though! Oh well it will have to wait until Monday! I am going Scrapbookin this weekend! A retreat, no mother, no kids, and the food is prepared for you! Woot Woot! (Although I must admit I will miss the kiddos!) I am going with friends, but I may take some headphones to listen to music... just call me anti-social. Well I am there to WORK and get some albums caught up!

So my job for tomorrow is to finish packing (funny I have pretty much all the scrappy stuff done... now for my clothes, toothbrush etc! :) )

I head out tomorrow afternoon!

Can't wait to get there!

#349 - Arrrgg... computers

Well in trying to do something to fix something else I totally messed up my computer... I have spent most of the afternoon trying to fix it! Arrrggg!

Seriously cutting into my work time! What a mess! Wish me luck!

Frickin frackin computers! I can seriously mash up anyone I touch! There is no software safe from crashing HARD when I am around!

KIDDO NOTES

I have a grumpy girl! I think she likes being two. She is going through the 'howling' stage. You know when they just squawk for no reason, only she pretty much does it all day! :) Oh ya and her dad thinks it's funny that when we ask if she is Mom's girl she says "NO - Dad's girl!" Rotten Child. :)

I am impressed at the deductive reasoning that Boy1 has. I am not sure if it is normal at this age, but it shocks me how he can put things together. I had a stack of DVD's (that my computer won't read... arg!) sitting beside my computer. My son says are these DVD's (We don't really watch or talk about DVD's around here so I am not really sure when he figured that one out). Then he asked me if they were for my computer or the TV? Seriously maybe we do have one smart one here! LOL

Ohh that Boy1... what is it with boys and 'adjusting' their man parts? Drives me insane. Well Boy1 was doing an adjustment today and I asked him if something was wrong. Well I got an answer... he said "My willie is stuck to my leg". I told him if he needed to adjust things that he should do it in the bathroom, no one wants to watch him adjust. I wonder if there is any hope... I am thinking not, but a mom's gotta try right? :)

Boy2 is just my hanging around guy... he loves to be sitting beside me. Unless of course Dad is home!

Off I go to fight with my computer

# of days since Mom has spoken to me: (I am just interested in how long this lasts!)
1

#348 - Relief

I never thought that my parents not wanting anything to do with me (well that's my interpretation anyway) would make me feel such a sense of peace and relief. Like I said I barely said anything to my Dad but I am just glad to be done with it for now. I know they don't accept any responsibility in all this and I just don't care anymore. I used to worry about this day all the time who knew it would be a sense of relief instead of more pain?

I know the cycle is going to stop with me. But I am so worried about the future. I don't know what it's like to be in a healthy family. It is possible right? It is possible to bring up well adjusted kids that possibly will not hate their parents right? Can you tell I am terrified of what lies ahead?

In the mean time I am enjoying the peace I am quite sure my mother can't leave it this way so who knows what will happen next. Well now she has something to tell everyone and harp on the whole Poor Me thing so I am sure she will be in her glory for the foreseeable future. Me, I am going to enjoy life and my kids and not having to put up with her constant drama... maybe I can heal up some of the deep wounds too.

So now it's on to packing for my Scrapbooking Retreat this weekend. I was thinking that I was going to feel sh*tty for a long time but the relief is such a welcome emotion. Now I am somewhat sad but I know I couldn't fix anything anyway... so on to my retreat (Oh ya and some re-work on the next class I am teaching!)

#347 - Yet another lovely day around here...

Well I think my parents have disowned me... why because I spoke up for myself. No more pushing me around and making me feel guilty for what they have done. I guess they don't like that. They think I tell everyone all sorts of 'bad' stuff about them and they 'hear' stuff all the time. Hmmm I think I talk about my kids all the time because ya know what Mom you are NOT the center of my universe my family is. Maybe if people from all over the place are tell you the same thing you should take a look at yourself??

I told my father that I am getting sick and tired of being blamed for what other people say. He told me it was too personal that I must have told these supposed 'people' 'things'. I of course have no freaking idea. My mother tends to bend reality and I am not even privy to the details so I cannot stick up for myself anyway. I said if I have said anything I am not apologizing for it because I was hurt. (Apparently their actions are all perfect I guess.)

I told him that based on what he has said he has no idea who I am (and obviously given that he was never around he has no idea what that woman has put me through). Not that they think they ever have done anything wrong. It just me I am the bad one cause I have said 'stuff' to people.

Hmm we never saw my dad's family because Mom had issues with his sister and his step mom (granted she was a little on the different side.)???

My kids deserve more, I deserve more and unless they can take responsibility for their own actions I am done with the crap. If they choose to not be in our lives it is there loss, all I know is the first time in my life I feel free. The thing is I didn't even say one eight of how I feel I only touched on a very few things. Maybe now there can be some peace because life is pretty good until she is around or calling.

Thanks for the support... you gals are the best and that's why I keep on blogging!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- my kiddos.
- my hubby, he is there for me when the going gets rough

THINGS THAT MAKE ME SAD
- the fact that parents think it's ok to treat me the way they have and do
- the only grandparents that can stand me are a 5,000 miles away.
- some day my kids are going to ask me why we don't go to grandma and grandpas anymore

#346 -from bad to worse!

Well I thought I better call my mother today! I guess I am truly a sucker for punnishment! Well Dad answered as Mom was to upset. So all of a sunddenit went from something one of my friends said to things people have said aout them. That apparently I must have said to someone.

My Dad told me that I was not to talk to anyone about our family issues. (but it's ok for them to tell anyone that will listen that we went through IVF, among other things)

Oh yes and they are afraid to say anything because we may not let them see the kids. Again probably one of moms rantings that I am getting blamed for.

I am just feeling empty inside, I am beyond hurt, and I know that nothing I say will do anything but make the situation worse. Oh yes and I was reminded of everyting that they did for me growing up( I didn't know buying stuff classed one as a good parent).

They always twist things around and make me feel like it's all my fault. I was shaking inside most of the day. I feel like the most horrible daughter ever. I wish I was never born into that family because the pain just keeps getting worse. I feel like a pics of me has been damaged beyond repair.

How do you walk away from your family? Enough is enough I can't take the fact that I get blamed for everything anymore. They are like a cancer that is eating my insides, I just don't know what to do. I don't want to deal with the drama anymore. Why do I feel guilty about hating my parents?

I am so hurt and confused I just don't even want to deal with it.....

#345 - :(

Well so much for my good day scrapbooking. Crazy Lady (aka My mother) decided to come out (at the last minute as per usual) so I made a spot for her. Well I guess she wasn't the center of attention so she had to do something about it. After lunch we were all talking about stuff and I just casually mentioned about Christmas. I said we are probably going to skip her sisters this year (due to feeling like we were invisible the last TWO family occasions). I never said anything nasty. Then a friend of mine said that I should do what I wanted. Well Crazy Lady flipped out... she says "Well I guess we should just stay at home then".... hmm no one said anything about you woman. She makes things up in her little brain all the time. I said "no one said that". Then there was nothing. Then about 10 minutes later she starts crying, gets up and says " I am going home". We were all kind of looking around like what the heck just happened there. She says "I came here to enjoy myself, not get stressed". WTF?

That woman needs to get out of the house more, she is getting more messed up every time I see her. I figure she is just jealous that I have friends. That's been her M.O. my entire life. Anytime I had a good friend she would do something to make me think that person was mean/didn't like her... etc. But I am onto her sh*t now so I don't let it destroy my friendships.

I am sick to f*cking death of her drama. She seriously needs to be medicated or something? The worst part is my Dad buys her pile of crap!

I have been feeling ill all afternoon because I know I am going to 'get it'. I am sure she will be pissed I didn't call her tonight. I just don't want to deal with her crap anymore!

The worst part is that frigging woman is SO bent on not upsetting the apple cart with her sister that I come Dead last after that entire family and their friends. Some day she is going to regret all the bridges she has burned with her own immediate family!

Now I am just upset that she ruined the freaking day. I was really enjoying my friends. :(

That woman has taken more from me than she has ever given and for that I will never forgive her.

KIDDO NOTES

At least I got to rock my daughter before bed tonight.... I hope that I never do anything to make her feel like my mother makes me feel.

#345-I really should be in bed!

So what does a good blogger do when they have not posted yet today and they really should be in bed? Why blog of course!

I have a bunch of people coming over to scrapbook tomorrow and I had to make a sample to show them how to make something. So intead of going to bed afterwork what am I doing. Coming up with an idea of course!!! Good thing I am feeling a little more energetic these days.

KIDDO NOTES

Boy1 is continuing to test my/the limits! How far can I go before mom busts a vessel! The worst part is the little bugger wakes me up about 5 times a night, and as of last night he talks in his sleep!

Poor Boy2 wakes up everyday saying "Mom Boy1 woke me up again". Poor kid!

Personally I am not sure how I have any energy right now I am lucky if I get 3 or 4 hours of sleep!

I missed my rocking in the chair tonight with Baby. :(. Sometimes working in the evening really stinks!

Tomorrow is scrapbooking, sunday card making! Do you think hubby will survive?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

#344 - Making Progress

Well I am making some progress on my latest en-devour. (I am also keeping out of trouble and not sleeping much too! Ugg) On the bright side some of my energy has come back and I am feeling much better. I knew I felt crappy but until I started to feel better I didn't realize how crappy I was actually feeling... H1N1 possibly or a weird cold?

Well I am glad I have energy to clear the dishes after supper now... it was that bad! I though I was just getting really lazy! :)

I have been busy trying to plan the cards I want to make for Christmas. I will be going over to a friends place on Sunday (after a day of scrapbooking here on Saturday). Hubby will be impressed I am sure! Especially since I go on a retreat the following weekend! I am sooo bad!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- Figuring out a new software package and the language that goes with it! :) Yey my brain still works!
- Having a lot more energy!

KIDDO NOTES
Well so far so good the kids have not caught whatever I had! Thank Goodness. They are pretty healthy eaters (most of the time) so I am sure that helps a bit? (That and my tub of hand sanitizer that I was literally bathing in every day! :) )

With my extra work the last two days the kids have been a bit out of control. Boy1 knows when to act up, when Mom is on the Phone or when Mom is busy. Little monster is his nickname these days. I am sure it's just another phase that we have to make it through! :) Tomorrow I will taking the day off the computer stuff so I can spend extra time with them. Hopefully the extra attention will help. That and I have been cutting them off Treehouse (the kids station). It has been bliss almost two days with out the freaking shows on my television. Bliss I tell you!

If my computer ever finishes what it's doing I will be off to bed!

Good night

#343 - Lest we forget

I will be thinking of all those past and present that have been set off to defend our country or way of life today....

May war be something left for the history books one day.

#342 - That's enough of that for one day

8 hours of coping and pasting... I think I must go to bed now! I may get all the info I need yet for the site I am building!

Hope you had more fun than I did today!

Hubby and a friend got the new remote start installed in the truck today! Yipee! Not bad for a late afternoon project! (I do not like it when I have a car with no remote start! Call me lazy call me a whip, but don't mess with my remote starter! LOL). We had one in there for about 10 years and it finally gave up the ghost so it was time for a new one!

Good Night

#341 - Energy...

I think I have a bit of energy today... lets hope it stays! (I am going to need it as I have to get an ecommerce site setup within 2 weeks, for one of my contract jobs... aaaaa!)

(Well we got our new furnace and hot water tank today. Now I shouldn't have to worry about freezing when it goes to 30 below this winter! As we all know that is when the other furnace would have given up the ghost for good! :) )

KIDDO NOTES

Dad was working late today (OT yey). The kids were looking for him before lunch and they were not happy that he wasn't home until after 4pm...

I am still not sure where I got my energy today.. Boy1 was up at 11pm, 12:30am, 2am, 2:30am, 3:30am, 4:00 am, 5:00am and finally up for the day at 7am. Not sick, just noisy! Rotten turkey! :)

So off I go to load data....

#340 - Accomplishments

Do you ever have a day when you just feel like you have to accomplish something, anything? I really am anxious to start working on my scrapbooks again... now I just need to find some time and or energy. I was going to go crop some photos tonight after the kids went to bed but I have nothing left so I am going to bed early too.

It was a work day today so I suppose that didn't help my energy levels either.

So if you find my energy, since I think it wandered off somewhere, please send it my way!

Thanks and sleep tight!

#339 - Still Sick...

I am still feeling like crap. I am not sure if it is left overs from my cold or if it has to do with the cold and time change. I just hope I get some energy back soon...

KIDDO NOTES
Today I ran out to our local twins club garage sale. I managed to pick up a few things... the kids were funny when I got home. Baby had to try out her new shoes and vest... Boy1 got a new MEC vest that he just had to wear! They were pretty excited. I was excited that Dad had taken all the Halloween decorations down. He didn't put it in the buckets that were there but at least it was all together. So I managed to get it all cleaned up (finally) today. Hubby even cleaned the front windows! YEY!

I was hoping to get to cleaning some stuff up or getting started on the prep to paint the kids room... but just no energy :(

I suppose there is always next week...

Good night

#338 - H1N1

Well I decided to get the kids vaccinated today... It was a tough decision, but I decided any side effects would be better than the kids catching the flu and possibly getting very ill or dying.

I guess the unexplained infertile in me is always concerned about putting 'stuff' into their little bodies....

#337 - What another Public Service Announcement?

So I have another public service announcement.

If you decided to nurse, when you are done PLEASE get rid of your nursing bra (here we go boobies again).

So today I was teaching... just after lunch I heard a 'click', then one of the 'ladies' was Loose! Thank goodness I didn't have a light blouse on or I would have had to leave! I had a heavier jacket on so there was no nipple showing.. thank goodness! I am sure if anyone looked they would have noticed my lopsided-ness! Needless to say she was on the loose until afternoon break. 2hours of freedom.

I will have to chalk this one up to an almost embarrassing moment... thank god I wasn't wearing the shirt I was wearing yesterday or it would have been one - sided nipple city! :)

*I really do need to go shopping I have not nursed for over a year and 1/2, I think is time for a new over the shoulder boulder holder! :)

KIDDO NOTES
What is is with early mornings and children. If I am A) sick or B) needing to get up early it always seems that all three kids decide it's a good night to wake up. So last night Boy1 was up from 10:30-11pm, then Boy2 11pm-11:30pm... well we couldn't leave out baby now could we? 1:45am.... someone wanted to be rocked in her chair after a screaming fit. Then hubby got home at 2:30 am and I was still awake! So I did go to bed at 10pm to get some extra sleep... by 4am I was still awake... alarm rang at 5:30am. Well at least I was asleep when it rang??? :)

Aaaa my sweet kiddos! I guess they just wanted to make sure they saw me before I went to work! :)

Hoping to get an early night tonight!

#336 - Public Service Announcement

So here is my PSA for today:

If your bangs need trimming AND you do it outside (so as to keep the house clean-ish) DO NOT wait until it is DARK outside!

a) I'm an idiot
b) I have crooked bangs now!
c) ummm maybe I should leave my hair to the professionals?

------------
OTHER STUFF

I figured out why I like teaching so much... I am actually the smartest person in the room for the subject area! It's good to be the smartest one... FINALLY! :) LOL

Poor hubby headed off to work at 6pm, working all night then home for a couple hours of sleep, then take care of the kids for the day. He is a machine! I am just worried that it is all going to catch up to him one day! Oh ya and Mr. Martha (stewart) also folded laundry and did dishes. As if i would do all that with 3 hours of sleep!

KIDDO NOTES
Boy1 is obsessed with 'boobies'. His, mine and anyone elses. He was counting mine yesterday. What a weird kid! (I suppose I will get some interesting searches with 'boobies' in this post. I sure hope he doesn't decide to count boobies in the grocery store one day, and I pray he doesn't notice some BIG ones and blurt it out. Maybe I should keep him at home until he is through this phase! :)

Boy2 is my moody one these days. So much so that sometimes he will not come to the supper table. Oh well food is in the fridge if he wants it later it will be there.

Speaking of hair cuts, Baby has the worst hair. So fine, some wave and NASTY messy most of the time. I am sure she will not be too happy with a hair cut so I will just continue to do the pony tail thing when we go out in public. I can imagine what people must think when they show up un-announced... look at that poor unkept child and some days... OMG they are still in their jammies... What a terrible mother! (My response of course would be Bite Me! :) It's GOOD to not care what people think and it only took me 30 + years and 3 kids to mellow out! :) )

Off I go to do some other work that needs to get done!

Good Night

#335 - bla bla bla

So this is my post about pretty much nothing... aren't you glad you stopped by to read it today? :)

- ready for class tomorrow - check
- babysitter isn't (grandma) coming so hubby is working the night shift - check
- kids in bed - check
- still sick - check (but getting better finally)
- still not sure about the H1N1 vaccine - check
- really behind due to being sick - check
- house pest hasn't called again for money - check
- slept half the day - check

All I need to do now is cut my toe nails (really exciting life I lead) and go to bed.

Hope you had a great day
Good Night

#334 - Kind Words

Wow... I am quite amazed by the lovely words in the Shout Out from a Sense of Humor is Essential blog.

I love my regular readers (and the new ones I have met along the way!). I started out infertility blogging and have transitioned to Mom blogging. Most of the folks that I started cycling with way back have all crossed over to the other side too, this makes me happy to know that there are few less folks suffering out there.

Today I am still suffering from my Cold and hope it goes away soon... the lack of energy sucks. I did manage to get my hand outs ready for the class I am teaching on Wed/Thursday (nothing like being done on time! :) ) This is an extra class that I took on. I must admit that I probably won't take on any more this year. I think December off sounds nice! :)

I feel like I have been so lazy lately I really haven't been getting much done. I wanted to get started on the boys room but just haven't had the energy. My MIL reminded me that I need to take care of myself first, I suppose she is right!

Today was truck day... hubby had to take it in to get a cooling system flush. It went well and nothing else broke, yey! We even stopped at Costco on the way home and I managed to get out of there spending only $18. Holy Crap I didn't think that was even possible. :)

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- anxiety attacks that are back again. I realy wish they would go away
- time change... I can't manage 1 freaking hour, must be old age?

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- an afternoon nap with Baby snuggled in beside me. I love it when she falls asleep (finally). She gets so still and I get to be so close. Perfect Moments that I never want to forget.

KIDDO NOTES
The kids were good today. Well as good as three kids can get anyway. They are quite the busy loud kids these days, loving ever minute of the craziness!

Since we had to pick up the truck at supper time we decided to pick up some chinese for supper. Baby ate three bowls of noodles, rice and veggies. We usually have trouble getting her to eat supper. I guess we know what she likes now, she ate 3 times what the boys did! Sometimes that one scares me! (Actually she scares me a lot! :) )

Good night

#333 - Halloween and Other stuff

Well I am still fighting of this cold that I have. I am mostly just tired now so I am hoping it passes very soon!

I worked today, I found it rough due to the rotten time change! This one never used to bother me but it sure did today. It seemed like work was never going to end and the change to the eating schedule really messes me up. I am one of those people that just can't manage 1 stinking hour of change. I really wish they would just dump time change and stay with one time. I suppose it's pathetic to be bothered by one hour but that's me!

Apparently when I was out today the House Pest called to talk to hubby... asking to borrow money. Ha ha ha ha! As if dude! Well maybe when pink monkeys with purple eyes fly out of my butt!

KIDDO NOTES

Man Halloween was fun this year! The kiddos were right into the trick or treating thing this year. I met up with a friend of mine and we did her street with the kids. The first couple of houses Boy1 would get something and then Boy2 would say "Oh I would like one of those too". My friends daughter is in a wheel chair. She is a little older than the boys. Boy2 was telling people "there is another one down there". He was quite concerned about my friends daughter, he wanted to make sure that she got some candy too! He would get really mad if the person at the house didn't 'get what he was talking about' the first time he said it. He would just keep repeating it until they understood. I am just so happy that one of my kids was making sure that everyone was taken care of. They say you have to teach children empathy... I think some are just born with it too...

Again it was one of those moments that make you so happy that infertility didn't stop us from having children. Life is good