#348 - Relief

I never thought that my parents not wanting anything to do with me (well that's my interpretation anyway) would make me feel such a sense of peace and relief. Like I said I barely said anything to my Dad but I am just glad to be done with it for now. I know they don't accept any responsibility in all this and I just don't care anymore. I used to worry about this day all the time who knew it would be a sense of relief instead of more pain?

I know the cycle is going to stop with me. But I am so worried about the future. I don't know what it's like to be in a healthy family. It is possible right? It is possible to bring up well adjusted kids that possibly will not hate their parents right? Can you tell I am terrified of what lies ahead?

In the mean time I am enjoying the peace I am quite sure my mother can't leave it this way so who knows what will happen next. Well now she has something to tell everyone and harp on the whole Poor Me thing so I am sure she will be in her glory for the foreseeable future. Me, I am going to enjoy life and my kids and not having to put up with her constant drama... maybe I can heal up some of the deep wounds too.

So now it's on to packing for my Scrapbooking Retreat this weekend. I was thinking that I was going to feel sh*tty for a long time but the relief is such a welcome emotion. Now I am somewhat sad but I know I couldn't fix anything anyway... so on to my retreat (Oh ya and some re-work on the next class I am teaching!)