Happy Halloween...

I love Halloween, the cute little kids all dressed up and handing out candy. (Not really into the creepy part but the decorations and kids are all good!) Before we were lucky enough to have success with IVF I found it hard but loved it all the same.

I tried to make arrangements to have my Dad come over and hand out Candy so I could take the kids out with my hubby. I hate leaving the house and not giving candy to the costumed ones. Anyway Grandma and Grandpa were too busy. So I took the boys out to a neighbours house, then my husband and I loaded up the stroller and went to some friends houses. (Still feeling guilty about one of us not being home, but that was our only choice. Originally I was going to drive over to Grandma and Grandpa's neighbourhood as there was some folks I wanted to go to there, but since they were busy I figured I would just do the walk around the neighbourhood instead of going for a drive.) The boys seemed to have fun, the girl slept. They were fascinated by their 'loot'! Inspecting it all, and one of them was trying to figure out how to open stuff. The boys were 2 bees. I thought they were pretty cute! (But I'm the mom so I am supposed to think that! LOL).

Anyway we had fun. I thought Grandma and Grandpa would stop by (they come over every year at Halloween). But no! I guess the Missy's first Halloween wasn't important to them (or thanksgiving). I wonder if Christmas is on their list?

************
We take possession of the new house tomorrow. I am somewhat nervous, but it's all going to be OK! Right? My parents who offered to help decided to pull down their fence last weekend so now they are busy. I am done with that woman. I feel as though I don't rate, and now I feel like my kids don't either. I wouldn't really care if they were busy, but my entire life she has gone out of the way for everyone else on a regular basis. I guess I am not entitled to any help from them, actually all I really wanted was to have her spend time with the boys so I could get some stuff done. I thought she would like to be with the kids. I guess I was wrong.

It's one thing for her to be that way with me, but now things have changed. Don't put my kids second to your effing neighbour's kids. I am done with her. I think that there is going to be another discussion this weekend (just what I need) and it won't be nice, nothing is ever nice with her.

Now I must go to bed.

I finally made a Dr's appt for next Tuesday. I am hoping that they can help me with the anxiety attacks that are keeping me up every night now (thanks mom for adding to my stress). I feel lucky that no matter how crappy I am feeling I am still enjoying those precious angels that I am lucky to have. Thank god for the small things. (3 small things :))

Good Night and hope you are all well

Happy Birthday to me...

My kids have been screaming all day. I am suffering from Postpartum depression which is making the screaming unbearable. Packing my house is going slow. My mom phoned to tell me they had the BEST thanksgiving ever (this past weekend in Canada). She spent it with someone elses family, guess her grandkids don't count for sh*t. I am not getting enough sleep as Missy has decided to go back to 2 times a night feeding. Oh ya and I am another freaking year older! (My husband forgot to wish me a Happy Birthday this morning when I talked to him). I just want to cry.

On a good note it was a year today that I had my transfer for Missy. :)

A note on weddings...

I went to my first wedding since having kids. First of all I felt so old, has it been so long since getting married and thinking the whole world is at my feet? I guess 13 years is a while!

The bride was beautiful and so slender, as I sit there still carrying some of the PG weight around not to mention that I am substantially larger then I was when I got married.

On to my point. Before the successful pregnancies, like many other things, I even found weddings to be a kind of painful torture. I never thought I would ever have a child to share their wedding day. To sit back and be able to take it all in and enjoy. This time I was able to truly enjoy knowing that someday, hopefully, I will be able to be the proud parent watching my child start their new life. (and of course praying they never have to go through infertility issues, but that's a whole other post)

It was a nice relief to know that I would never have to live through the pain of no children again in any facet of my life. Now if only I could put the rest of the pain of infertility behind me.

(I am not sure I will be going to to many other weddings though, childcare is nasty. $80 in babysitting and another $25 for pizza... plus the wedding gift it was an expensive afternoon! And we were home by 9pm!)

(I am still sick and it seems to be getting worse again, good thing we were home by 9 as I am feeling very ill today. I am not even sure what it is, I just don't feel right. I sure hope I feel better in the morning)

Good night.