Deep breath... 600+ posts later!!

Wow you gals have been busy while I was away. It took me all week but I am finally up-to-date with everyone. I was sure hoping to hear more good news from everyone, I was sad to hear of the losses and the BFN's that some of you are having to endure. :(

This may be a short post as I am exhausted from trying to catch up with everyone, 600+ posts later I finally am caught up. (And I thought I didn't like to read, you gals fooled me now didn't ya!) Three weeks away from my high speed connection is way to much for me to handle!

So I am glad to be home, I wish we weren't having a freaking heat wave... 36 degrees Celsius (98 f), what is that all about! I live in Canada where's the cool weather?
I am hoping it cools off soon!

IVF Thoughts
Ya pretty much all over the place! Thanks to a vacation and some blog reading I am finally getting some clarity about my own thoughts... more to come later

Quote of the Day
Perfectionism is simply putting a limit on your future. When you have an idea of perfect in your mind, you open the door to constantly comparing what you have now with what you want. That type of self criticism is significantly deterring.
John Eliot, Ph.D., Reverse Psychology for Success

Warning Kids Discussed
While we were away we passed the 11 month mark. Holly crap I never believed that those people (you know the fertile ones) were right, they do grow way to fast!

The boys were awesome on our flights and drives... 3 hours from my inlaws house to the airport then 5 hours on the plane then another hour home. The were perfect on the way down and almost perfect on the way home. (More proof that they must not belong to me! :) )

We were on the first non-stop flight with West.jet from Halifax to home. It was nice that we were able to skip plane changing!! They also had a draw and we won a $500 travel voucher! West.jet ROCKS... if you live in Canada fly with them!! I never win anything so I guess the boys must have brought us good luck! It is wonderful to know that we will be able to go visit the inlaws again next year, it is so important that my boys know their grandparents from the other side of the family!

They adjusted very well to being home, I wasn't sure how that would go after being away for so long.

So now it's just time to plan for their first birthday party and my return to work...

Take care

Still Away

So yes I am still away and anxious to get home and try to catch up with everyone. I am so missing my daily internet fix and wondering how everyone is doing. I am sure hoping to hear some good news from a bunch of you when I get back.

I had some very good news from a friend, a fellow infertile. She was my buddy during my 3rd cycle and we ended up having success together. She was hoping to try another round of IVF when her first was a year. She was told she would never conceive on her own. Well to her surprise 'it' did happen. She is still in shock but very happy. It was kind of bittersweet to open her email and see in big red letters that she was PG. I was happy for her but so very sad that it was her news and not mine. I was supposed to be the one that was PG first. Oh well as I have learned I am not so lucky with that PG thing. But it does give me hope as she is or is that was??? a fellow infertile.

IVF Thoughts

Still wishing I didn't have to be 'here', but don't we all. Wish, hope, pray that we will defy the odds and 'it' will just happen.

Quote of the day

Warning Kids discussed

As I sit here the place I sat just a week after I found out I was PG. Now instead of being PG I watch my boys play. They will be 11 months tomorrow. I still look at them and wonder where they come from. It seems like my PG went by so fast that it never happened. I am so glad I have a few pictures, if it wasn't for the pictures I wouldn't believe that it ever happened. Even thought they sit in front of me I am still in disbelief.. I guess the 10 years of trying has taken it's toll on me.

Our vacation has been a bit difficult on the boys, they have adjusted pretty well but it has been a bit hard on them. They are not there usual selves which has been a bit stressful for me. They are usually very very good but lately they have been crying a lot. Something I haven't heard since the days of colic were done. It's hard when you are out and have a baby that is freaking... oh wait 2 babies that are freaking! Good thing the people were cool with crabby babies. It did put a damper on the fresh lobster dinner though. Ugg haven't seen lobster in a very long time and I have 2 crabby babies to deal with when I do. Oh well that's they way it is when you are a mom I guess, I sure wouldn't trade them for the world!!

Ok so I got to spend time with the SIL this vacation. Now let me start off by saying usually we visit with them and we acknowledge the fact that they live differently than us. They are more on the hill billy side of things and I guess we are the stuff city dweller types. The way they live isn't the way I would want to live but hey if they are happy that's their business... on the other hand they just think we are stupid. I guess having a husband with a job is stupid? I never did get why they take the screens out of their windows to let the bugs out, but whatever it's their business! They are the kind of folks that pretty much destroy everything they touch and we are the kind of folks that take care of it and try to make it last as long as possible. So I think you get a bit of the picture.

Well they came for a visit. (Did I mention she is/was ubra-fertile too... youngest of 4 is 8 years old) The oldest (16) likes to go rooting through Grandmas house, what the heck is that about? We had the boys down for a nap and I asked the one girl (13ish) not to let the door slam as it would wake up 'cranky' baby... so what did she do slam the door. At 13 you would think that she would be past that stuff? Well let me first say that I am a bit paranoid about my boys, I know it's not a good thing but I like to be super careful, guess that's the 10 years of infertility talking. Well Auntie had one of the boys and ripped off a small lobster leg and gave it to him to chew on. Well I wasn't ready to give the boys shellfish just yet because I am afraid of allergies. I figure waiting a bit is better than taking a chance (that and if they have a reaction we are at least a 1/2 hr drive from the nearest hospital). But with SIL you don't say anything as she is right and she doesn't give a hoot what anything else says. I was really nervous as it was a tiny leg and the fella she had has a habit of stuffing everything in his mouth as far as he can get it. I wanted to tell her no but I didn't feel like I could and my stupid hubby didn't say anything to his sister. I was so ticked off, it is my kid not hers. So finally after all this time I had had it with his sister. I was good and kept my darn mouth shut, I think I am missing a chunk off my tongue. The last time they were there we found marbles on the blanket that the boys were playing on!

Well then she started feeding him a really hard cookie that was small enough that he could get the whole thing in his mouth. I told her that we should give him a baby cookie instead but she didn't give a sh*t and just ignored me. I watched him like a hawk as I was afraid he was going to choke. After all that they headed outside. Well it was very windy and the boys have been a little sick the entire time they have been away so Grandma figured they should have hats on. So I got them and out they all went. Well one of them the hat fell off of and SIL told Grandma what ever... I stayed in the house I figured sometimes it's better not to know what is going on. Grandma was with them anyway. I guess they were showing them flowers, I do the same thing but I don't let them eat them. Grandma said she didn't think that letting them have them in their mouth was a good idea, SIL says if they don't like them they won't eat them, she didn't give a crap. Like I said do what you want with your kids but I don't think that's right with someone else's kids. Now I know eventually they will eat a bunch of stuff but when I am around I am going to try to teach them what they should eat vs. what is to look at. One of the boys went outside with his soother and when it popped out they just left it there, we had to go looking for it later. They don't take their shoes off in their house so they don't do it at anyone else's either (personally I don't want the extra cleaning so my boys will not be wearing their shoes in my house). We have a blanket out for the boys to play on as the floor is not carpeted. Stupid BIL comes traipsing in with his boots on... goes in the living room and walks right across the blanket (which wasn't in his way at all). I am quite sure he did it just to prove a point, not sure what the point was but who the heck knows with that idiot. By the time the crew left I was glad to see them go, as was everyone else. I was glad that would be last we saw of them!

Our vacation is almost over... I will be glad to be at home again. I miss my comfy bed! I am tired here as I am not getting enough sleep and I have to do way more here than at home. There is no dishwasher and it seems like that's all we do is eat do dishes feed the boys do more dishes. My hubby has been cutting firewood and keeping busy so I don't have as much help from him and grandma has a bad back. I also miss my bungalow, I am not used to all the stair climbing, even the bathroom is upstairs. Man am I out of shape!! There isn't anywhere really to go for a walk without taking a 1/2hr drive and I don't have an off road stroller for around here so I am pretty much house bound. I guess it's time to go home. I will be sad when I go though as the folks around here aren't getting any younger so you just never know if everyone will be here the next time we get back.

I hope everyone is doing well

Take care

Relaxation and Rain

Well the vacation is going well so far. It is nice to be away and away from everything including IVF. I am trying to read a few blogs now and again, it is difficult with dial-up and staying at the in-laws

I am sooo missing my high speed internet!

IVF thoughts

None and it's blasted wonderful... Instead, I am hoping that the old fashion way worked this month (darn Dr. Monkey Butt for
putting that back in my mind, the mind that was finally convinced that it will never work. Heck it only took me ten years to get it out of my head, then one conversation with a rotten fertility dr. and WHAMOO it's back again!! :) )

Quote of the day
It's better to do nothing with your money than something you don't understand.
Suze Orman, O Magazine, February 2003

Warning Kids discussed

Traveling with twins... It can be very interesting. When flying there can only be one infant per row as there is only 4 oxygen masks per row (I have always thought that if them things come flying out at you what's the point because you are probably a gonner anyway! :) ). We were lucky that our connecting flight wasn't full as they blocked off a center seat and we had a row of 3 between the 4 of us. I am really not sure how I would have fed the boys if we had of both been in different rows with a full plane! Yikes! So our first flight was about a half hour and the second one about 4 and 1/2 hours. The boys were unbelievably good. I was so proud, I think we actually had the best little ones on the plane! The flight had wonderful little TV's in the seat backs, Treehouse kept one of the boys busy for a while and when he was asleep mom got to watch soaps (Well I had to watch soaps just to say I watched them on the plane!!) There was also a wonderful GPS system that showed where in the country we were as well as our altitude. Kept mom just as amused as the boys I think.

After our second flight we had a three hour drive to our final destination. But here is the fun part of the story. We arrived in Halifax airport. Headed down to get our luggage and then off to pick up our rental car. So picture this; hubby has a cart with 4 large pieces of luggage, a back pack and 2 car seats. I had the boys in one of those side-by-side umbrella strollers with laptop bag (must have my computer), video camera bag and one very full and heavy diaper bag. All bags hanging off the umbrella stroller of course. (If you have twins skip the double umbrella stroller... ugg the little wheels SUCK with a really big S). Anyway off we go out of the airport then down the ramp to the rental cars, hubby was ahead by a ways. So what does mom do? Dump the boys over backwards, one of the boys almost fell right out of the seatbelt on the stroller. They ended up laughing, they thought it was fun! There was so much stuff on the stroller that they didn't go over to far and there was plenty of padding for their heads. Well anyway there was so much hanging off of the stroller I couldn't get it back up so hubby had to 'park' the cart with all the luggage and come back and help me out. Usually everyone in the Maritimes is so helpful, but the special officers that were there to help people across the street just stood and watched me, thanks! Well hubby finally got back up the ramp and we were on our way. I had to get our keys from the booth and we were off again. Well it was hubby's turn. There was a grate in the parking lot that he couldn't see due to all the crap on the cart... so there went the luggage! Some how the car seats managed to 'levitate' and didn't go crashing to the ground, thank goodness! (I am sure the people sitting waiting for us to pass in the car had a good laugh out of us!! :) )

So we left the boys in the middle of the parking lot and started to load up the car. Good thing there isn't much traffic! :) And we were off. One of the boys finally got a bit fussy but they did all right. We finally arrived at Granny and Grampees just in time for supper and then bed for all! One fella didn't want to sleep so my darling hubby took the night shift since I had a migraine coming on.

Since then all as been good, the boys are a little fussy but I am sure it is just because they are adjusting to their new environment.


-Day 4-
We met with the priest today to prepare for their baptism. We watched a video and installed his new printer. He wondered if my hubby knew anything about computers, hubbs said no but the wife does! LOL! I never thought I would travel across the country to fix the local priests computer! :) (I will have to ask him to say a special prayer for all of us trying to so hard to have a family or add to our families. :))

Take care everyone

I've been tagged... great!! :)

"I've Been Tagged!"
Mary Ellen and Steve at Our IVF Journey got me! I am really tired and getting ready to go to the MIL's for 3 weeks so I thought I better get 'er done!:

5 Items in My Fridge

Milk
Eggs
Juice
Fuzzy Cheese (gross I need to throw that out)
Motts fruit cups (I like them cold)
Left over spinach dip that needs to be thrown out

5 Items in My Closet:

Candles
Purses (some from the 80's uuugg)
Sweatshirts
Skiing clothing (the warm stuff)
Window fan

5 Items in My Car:

Air freshner (little tree, strawberry)
The seats
The steering wheel
Seat belts
dust (I don't keep any crap in my car at all apparently?? hmm who knew!)

5 Items in My Purse:

I have a teeny tiny purse so lets see...
Wallet (it's a actually a mans wallet everyone thinks I have my husbands wallet)
A daytimer notebook
Change purse
Lip 'stuff'
Package of sesame snaps

5 People Who are Now Tagged:
The Rumour Mill
UtRus'* Adventures in IVF
TKO more or less
Infertility Grace
Infertility Licks
(Sorry Gals)

The other stuff
Ok gals I am going to be at the MIL's for 3 weeks... and they don't have internet! OMG what am I to do. Please know that I will be thinking of all of you and I probably won't be able to get caught up until I return home. I will try to update my blog as I some of the relatives have internet. So I hope to hear some good news from some of you when I get back. Take care

A conversation with dr. we aren't smart enough yet...

Well I figured it was time to update you on my conversation with my Dr. Overall it was a good conversation despite there was no answers to any of my questions (which I expected). (My snotty remarks may not seem like it was a good conversation but it actually was... I have to add some humor in there for my own sake!)

So here it is

Me: So given that I have had so many failed cycles and only one good one do you think it's a good idea to do another fresh cycle?

Dr: Well you have twins so that is pretty good?

In my head: (I didn't ask if twins was good I was asking about my failed cycles! Knock knock anyone listening? I should have knocked on the phone! LOL)

Me: Yes but I am still wondering about my failed cycles

Dr: Well actually even on a good day our reproductive systems really aren't that good. There may have just been two good eggs retrieved that time around.

In my head: (Ya think?)

Dr: .... adds a whole bunch of info on how hard is actually is to get PG.

In my head: (No really? Tell that to the neighbour with the truck driver hubby that is never home that is expecting her 6th!)

Me: Have any of my cycles shed some light on my unexplained infertility?

Dr: Sorry no, in some cases it does but in your case we still have no answers, we just aren't smart enough yet.

In my head: (New name Dr. Not Smart Enough Yet... or Dr NSEY for short)

Me: Do you think that we have any chance in another fresh cycle.

Dr NSEY: It's really a crap shoot, you have twins so that's a good sign. ... other stuff I forget... after you are all done you will probably get PG on your own anyway.

Me: Really you think so after 11 or so years trying?

In my head: (WTF a fertility Dr. saying that?? Meanwhile I am thinking give me a call when monkeys fly out of your butt because then I should starting trying because we will get PG for sure.)

Dr NSEY: ... I am not listening right now, still flabbergasted by the last comment

In my head: (Oh sure put the thought in my head that I could get PG naturally.... I didn't know quitting IF treatments was a cure to infertility HA HA HA!!!)

... and just a bunch of other boring stuff.

Now we are just waiting for our list of tests we need to have done!

Quote of the day
When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680), quoted in O Magazine, October 2002

Warning kids discussed

Well after almost 12 months of house arrest I did it... I went out almost every day this week. I am so proud of myself! I also need a nap! :)

Take care
S