Surviving...

Once again I have been a bad blogger... abandoning my blog once again!

I have been thinking about blogging for a while and am trying to figure out what I am going to do. I have decided to stay around and document my life as it is today, from surviving infertility, dealing with Post Partum Depression (PPD), to making it through a day with 2 naughty 2 year olds and a baby!

I haven't been around much as my PPD meds just aren't doing the trick and in addition to that we are dealing with the possibility of a legal issue regarding the purchase of our house. I will have to write an entire post about that!

I am struggling these days so I am just trying to take it one day at a time. The little miss is now 8 months old and still isn't sleeping through the night. I was so spoiled with the boys as they were sleeping through at 4 months.

I feel like I am doing such a poor job with the kids right now. Sometimes I am wondering if this is the reason I was suffering from infertility? I feel guilty on the bad days when I sometimes yell at them for misbehaving, I feel guilty as I don't get them out that much, I feel guilty because I don't have enough time to spend with each of them. I feel guilty because I want a break every now and again.

TODAY WAS...
Today was a difficult day. The older twin (T1)was wanting everything his brother had, when he couldn't get it a temper tantrum was inevitable. It was a constant fight today, with many trips to the crib for some 'personal time'. I was exhausted after being up for a few hours with the little missy last night. T2 was in a good mood until lunch, then he decided to join in the screaming game. By the time nap time arrived at 2pm I was all-in. I didn't get the dishes done and I had to lay down for a nap. It's not helping my weight it seems like whenever the screaming starts I am looking for comfort food, this is something I need to stop TODAY.

The little Missy, other than the night wakings, has been a great girl. She still loves to be held all the time, and she never sits still, ever. I am not complaining that she likes mom still, as she is growing up way to fast. I dread her first birthday because that means she is that much closer to 2. She hasn't been an easy baby but I still find her less than 1/2 the work of the boys at this age. She is busy discovering everything and has started the drop game. She has nasty diaper rash that I have been trying to get rid of. I feel so bad for her, but she is truly a trooper. She has a goofy little smile with her two little teeth, I love her to bits.

As for me it was a tough day. To top it off my husband is not so supportive of the PPD issues I am having. When I laid down today I didn't get the dishes done. He was annoyed at supper so he HAD to do them before supper as he wanted certain plates for the boys for supper. He was with the boys for 2 hours and the minute they started to whine he looses it. T1 spilled juice and he was mad at him, poor T1 was crying he was so upset. My husband needs to learn that the kids are just learning and stuff will get spilled. My hubby and I have been at odds these days over discipline, he definitely is of the old school of thought there. I am pretty much not knowing what to do these days in the discipline department.

It would have been so much better to spend time learning about parenting instead of IF issues the last 10 years before T1 and T2 , it sure would have come in handy now!

Next post... possible legal issues

It's been way to long...

Well it has been a busy few months but I am back. My last post was at Halloween. The next day we started our Move/Renovation project, so we have been busy!

So here is a quick re-cap
Nov
-renovations started and completed
-working on packing up the old place
-move number 1 to the new place
Dec
-more packing
-move number 2 to the new place and finally staying at the new house
-Christmas Eve was amazing. Made shortbread with the boys and we had a nice walk
around the yard after supper. It was one of those moments you never want to forget and
are so thankful that you actually got to enjoy.
- The kids enjoyed Christmas but were both sick on boxing day. Our very first real Christmas
tree fell over during the night and I never did get any photos of it decorated! :(
- New Years was quiet
- We continued to do renovations in the house and continued to unpack
Jan
- Pretty low key
- Boys have embraced the Terrible part of being 2 years old so I am keeping very busy
- The girl is on to solids now and has stopped sleeping through the night so I am a bit
tired these days

As for me the move was easier emotionally than I thought it would be, maybe it's due to the medication I am on for Post Partum depression? Since I have been on the medication I have felt better than I have in a long time (Except when I was pg). It's nice not to have to deal with the anxiety attacks and it has given me some time to put some things into perspective. I imagine this is just the start of my journey to put all the baggage behind me, but at least I have had a break from the depression.

I still want to try for one more but my husband definitely done, but more on that later.

Hope everyone is well and I am hoping to read some good news as I get caught up