Thursday, April 02, 2009

#209 - A little sad

Driving home from work today I was listening to the radio. A guy was calling in to dedicate a song to his 10 week PG wife. Now I was ok with that, then for some reason when he said that she had Morning sickness I got all sad. I am sad that I will never be PG again. Why morning sickness brought those feelings up I will never know? I suppose it took me back to my 5 months of all day sickness that I had after my first successful IVF.

Infertility again rears it's ugly head yet again. I am to old and tired to keep up with my clan, another one would be too much. Besides hubby says NO anyway. I suppose in one way or another IF will always be in the back of my mind. Every now and again something will just come up that takes me back to that time. We spend so much time dealing with IF, then if we are lucky enough to get pregnant we are afraid to enjoy it, then it all goes by so fast.

Now please tell me why I would want to put up with morning sickness again for at least 5 months? I guess I was just so happy to beat IF I would do it all over again. I love my kids I suppose that's why I would like 1 more? Either that or I am just nuts?

I miss being pregnant, I wish it could have lasted longer, I wish I didn't have IF baggage during my pregnancy. I wish I could just move past all of this. I want to let go, really I do, but I don't I never want to forget where I came from either.

So this morning was BRUTAL. I tried to get to bed early last night but as per usual I got into something else and didn't get there. I had one heck of a time getting out of bed. I am finding that the teaching is knocking me on my arce. It is totally exhausting, I am sure the 5:30 am mornings don't help either.

- people who will not leave the store after we are closed, then try to shop more...
- being sad

- looking forward to the weekend
- hubby letting me have a nap before work this afternoon

Today was a bit trying. Kiddos were a bit grumpy today. Post grandma visit is always fun... I do not know what she does to the kids but they are always horrible after she has been here. I suppose the fact that she lets them do whatever they want doesn't help.

Tomorrow should be a better day. If not I work Saturday so at least I will get a bit of a break!

Good night

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At 5:22 a.m., April 03, 2009, Anonymous Kristin said...

IF...the gift we wish would go away but instead it never stops giving. I hate that it still rears its ugly head when we least expect it. {{{Hugs}}}

At 7:18 a.m., April 03, 2009, Anonymous sky girl said...

Oddly enough, as much as I enjoyed being pregnant, I'm kinda glad that I never will be ever again. Second time around took a lot out of me.

At 8:23 a.m., April 03, 2009, Anonymous motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

Despite my crazy days and nights, the lack of sleep, teething, whining, laundry and the like...I too have days where I am saddened thinking that I will never be pregnant again. When the twins were about 4 months old, I though seriously about doing an FET to try for one more. I don't know what I was thinking! Must have been hormones. I miss my pregnant belly. I feel cheated that I didn't get the full 9 month experience sometimes. Now, an endometrial ablation and a mirena iud later, I don't even get a period and I love that. (I never stopped after the kids were born...until I had the EA was constant AF) Sending huge hugs your way.

At 8:53 a.m., April 03, 2009, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

I missed being pregnant but not the morning sickness. ((Hugs)) Your kiddos are so lucky to have such a caring mom.


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