Sunday, January 11, 2009

#131 - Just Plain Angry!

I am so incredibly disgusted with my mother. She spent YEARS telling everyone that would listen that she didn't have any grandkids - poor her! Now she has them and what does she do? Go spend time with her sisters grandkids. I guess my kids just aren't good enough, we have the wrong last name I guess!

So Friday night we gave away our hockey tickets as she was DEATHLY ill on Wednesday so we gave them away Thursday (so they didn't go to waste). So Thursday she is all healed and goes to her sisters. She gave me crap for giving the tickets away (what the heck was I supposed to do, wait till 10 minutes before the game for her to decide if she was sick or not?). She said her and Dad were coming over bla bla bla. Of course it was all MY fault! So I said to her well you can still come and me and the hubby can go out for dinner. Do you know what she did? Laugh. She effing laughed at me and moved on to talking about going sledding (ski doing) this weekend.

So I had to work on Saturday, they show up here to get their skido's, when the kids are napping of course. They spent Saturday morning with her sisters family, got the skido's, then went back into the city to watch hockey, 2 different games with two different grandkids (of her sisters). Did they come and see their grandkids? No, when's the last time they saw there grandkids? Christmas I think! When is the last time she saw her sisters family? Thursday night. Unbelievable.

So Mom called to tell me all about her wonderful day sledding (since they bought them all she did was wine and complain that Dad wanted them and she didn't). So I said did you have fun with "insert sisters family name here" on Saturday (in a sarcastic tone). I don't think she listens to anything I say. So she starts going on and on and on about how much fun they had. I told her that maybe we should put our kids in hockey so she will come and see them. (It was meant as a snide remark and said in a snide tone... but she never listens apparently). She's says Oh yes we will come and watch them play hockey. Then I made another snide remark about maybe one weekend she could come and see her grandkids instead. NOTHING... not an effing word... she just kept yammering on about how GREAT the "insert sisters family name here" are!

Unfortunately I need her about once a month to look after my kids for 2 days otherwise I would tell her to eff off! I am so sick and tired of being related to those people. My kids I guess aren't good enough for her. If I actually told her how I felt she would turn it all around to be my fault and my problem. So there isn't any point. Instead I just complain to my poor hubby and generally feel like a piece of sh*t when it comes to my family. I hate this crap and I am sad to say I hate that woman. I pray that I never make my kids feel that way about me (I am even hoping that they don't dislike me too much through the teenage years... but that might be a tough one!) The saddest thing is when she is gone one day I think I will feel more relieve than anything, that I don't have to watch what I say and to whom.

I just don't understand how any parent can make their child feel this way. My kids and hubby are the most important thing in my life, I can't imagine every putting anyone before them?

I am sick of crying because of that woman! I am sick of feeling inadequate because of that woman! I am sick of her trying to suck the joy out of my life! I am sick of her telling me she knows what infertility is like! I am sick of her telling me that she is going to will her good stuff to the "insert sisters family name here" grandkids cause my boys probably won't want it anyway. (do what you want I don't want to hear about it!) I am sick of her telling everyone that I took all the good out of her when I was born (apparently I wrecked her teeth and made it so she couldn't have any more kids). I am sick of her sneering at me all the time when she doesn't like what I say. I am sick of the fact that she still gets to me!!!!

Things that I will NEVER forgive her for
- telling me (before I was PG) that she was going to will all her good stuff to "sisters" grandkids" because I didn't have any kids
- telling me (after I had the boys) that she was going to will her good stuff to "sisters" grandkids because the boys won't want it
- telling me (this Christmas) that she was going to will her good stuff to "sisters" grandkids because my kids wouldn't want it anyway. I finally told her I don't care do what ever you want! (what the heck is this woman's problem)
- never having a baby shower because YOU NEVER have them BEFORE baby is born because it will cause something to happen. I never had a baby shower before the boys were born because apparently it would kill them. I told her I wanted one and she went off on me while I was PG and on bed rest
- not helping me for 3 months when I was PG with the boys and barely able to get out of bed at the end to get food. (She would show up if someone from the family did though)
- telling me that she knows exactly what I went through with IVF (as if)
- for telling anyone that would listen that our kids were IVF babies
- for telling some close friends (that I wanted to tell) that we were PG. When we were only 3 weeks PG with the boys. Then having the nerve to tell me that it was THEIR news to share (after 11 effing years of infertility I don't effing think so)
- for never putting my kids first
- for being to busy for my family, but for dropping EVERYTHING and ANYTHING for ANYONE else!
- for taking a necklace my dad bought for me and giving the necklace that my dad bought for her to someone else, then telling me about it. (oh she ended up loosing it anyway, she never has been one for jewelry anyway)
- for always saying BUT.. That's nice - BUT. She does this with everything I have ever made. I quit drawing way back because of this. I drew them a picture of a castle, I wasn't the greatest but I did alright. I was younger, so I used an old frame and made a mat for it. Again it wasn't perfect but I did the best I could. This was probably the best thing I had ever drawn. I gave it to them as a gift. She opened it, said "that's nice, but you could have done better", and put it aside.
- for telling me I ruined their entire holiday when we got back from Disneyland (I am not even sure why?)
- for making every Christmas a sad day. Every year, and for everything there was a fight growing up. She would open ever gift and say " OH that's NICE, but that's not what I wanted" Then her and dad would fight. It used to make me feel so bad.
- and last but not least I will NEVER forgive her for this. My grandmother passed away in Dec 2003. We were in the family room waiting before the memorial service (to which my grandmother wasn't even there as she wasn't cremated yet? WTF), and everyone was getting ready to go in. I asked who I was supposed to go with (apparently Mom wanted to be with her sister, who she hated up until this moment). She sneered at me and said "that's your problem". I had no idea where I was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do, lucky one of my cousins said come and sit with us. I felt like leaving. (I actually had to go to my doctor and get medication just to deal with her and that day, cause I didn't know what I was in for!)

- see above

- my kiddos

OK I want to end this post on a better note as I really need to stop crying before I go to bed. So this should cheer me up. The kiddo's always do! Their hugs are truly the best thing ever. We had a busy day. I finally got to get outside with everyone! We cleared the driveway and played with the kiddo's. Baby was out in her ski suit, which she doesn't like. She has the boys old boots which are a bit big on her. I stood her up and she just stood there and laughed. She wouldn't take a step! It was quite funny! She 'helped' dad plow snow for a while. We have a baby seat attached to the back rack on the quad, so we strapped her and and way she went.

Later on I took our snow blower and cleared a path around the yard (there must be about 2 feet or more of snow) so that the kids could walk around. After dad took out our snowmobile and I finally got to try it out! We don't have a lot of yard but I got to try it out a bit. I wasn't going very fast as my helmet was in the house (oopps) Trust me I was being very careful and going quite slow! I can sure see where it would be quite easy to hurt yourself on one of those things that's for sure! You definitely need to respect them, and ours is an old one with not a lot of power!

Anyway the kiddos hands were cold so it wasn't to difficult to get them into the house. They looked so cute with their red little noses! I don't think baby likes the great out doors to much as she can't move around the way she likes to! :) She does look so cute in her pink snowsuit and hat though!

Boy2 only had one little accident today. It happened when we were outside. Other than that he was busy with the potty. We are still waiting for a poop though, it's been a couple of days (yikes) so I hope he isn't getting all bunged up!

Boy1, doesn't even want to sit on the potty. He screams like a banshee so I don't push it when he is acting that way. It's supposed to be a positive experience so I will give him some time. Training one at a time is quite enough anyway!

Dad has started calling Baby "sweetie Pie". He asked her if she is sweetie pie and she answers "yes". Great she's *cute AND she know it.

*cute - this is not from me, everyone else keeps calling her cute so I am just going with it and assuming it's true. I am the mother so of course I think she is cute! LOL

Good night.... and I leave you with this... cause I think It's kind of cute (I liked the Halo for baby! So far from the truth but I am hoping that if I think it that it may come true! LOL) Sheesh it doesn't all fit... Well I copied it all down to the bottom of my blog too!

Pyzam Family Sticker Toy

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At 7:34 a.m., January 12, 2009, Anonymous sky girl said...

What a bitch. Plain and simple.

At 9:01 a.m., January 12, 2009, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

So much of this post could have been written about my mom. (Except my mom flat out refused to watch our then 10 y/o and 7 y/o when my Dh had surgery and was in the hospital 3 years ago.) I have worked hard, sometimes with a therapist to deal with this. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better. Instead I've realized my mom has major and serious issues and baggage from her parents, life, etc. that I just don't take up the battle. Your mom sounds so similar, she is the one with the problem, Not You, Excuse Me, "That's Nice, But...??" WTF? Hey, lady, you are missing out on so much. Her loss, totally. So sorry, I empathize completely. A great book that I learned alot from was "The Dance of Anger" by Harrier Goldhor, Phd. Available at the public library. Also, "The Dance of Intimacy" is also excellent.
Glad you are giving Boy1 a break w/potty training, he will let you know when he is ready. Again, wish I had a magic wand with all this...

At 5:23 p.m., January 12, 2009, Anonymous Danifred said...

So sorry your mom makes you feel this way. It truly does suck!

At 7:07 p.m., January 12, 2009, Anonymous Carrie27 said...

I can totally relate to your relationship with your mom. There are so many similarities.

All you can do is to do your best to make sure you don't treat your kids the same way your mother treated you, which I'm sure won't be a problem for you.

At 2:30 p.m., January 13, 2009, Anonymous Pascha said...

I came across your blog today through a link from Snickollet. Anyway, how in the world is your mom claiming you ruined her teeth when she was pregnant with you? Did she give birth to you through her mouth?

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had such severe hyperemesis that I was hospitalized for 2 weeks between my 9th and 11th weeks of pregnancy. I had lost 21 pounds in the week and a half preceeding that and was down to 113 pounds. So my doctor put in a PICC line and I was on a zofran pump and TPN and lipids until I was 7 months pregnant. Do I hold this against my daughter for a hellish pregnancy that left me bedridden for several months, even with everything I was hooked up to? No. And all she will ever know is that I would go through it a thousand times more as long as it meant having her.

I also had severe post partum depression and anxiety that started when the 35W bridge collapsed, the day my daughter turned 1 week old. (I live in Minneapolis, and my husband and I each drove over that bridge everyday.) I don't hold that against my daughter either, and I still suffer from anxiety. All my daughter will ever know is how much she was wanted and will always be loved.

I have similar issues with my mom as you do with yours. My mom is very self centered, lies, jumps from relationship to relationship (literally the same day she breaks up with someone, she will have a new boyfriend the same day), and always puts these losers before us. I am finally getting to a point where I can let go of the anger and realize that I cannot change her, as I think I was trying to do. I can't control her, all I can control is how I react to her behavior. I hope you can find some kind of peace with your mom, I understand how the anger can be all consuming. I'm looking forward to reading through your blog!


At 10:11 p.m., January 13, 2009, Anonymous Soralis said...

Thanks for your kind words gals!


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