Up and down I go, and I thought I was done with the rollercoaster!

Well finally the rain stopped for a while, to be replaced with a serious high. Well the high is gone and the low is coming back. I just want that peaceful feeling again. The even keel, the slow peaceful days and nights.

I have started packing the house finally and as much as I don't want to move I am trying to accept it. I am looking forward to finally decorating a nursery. I have a plan for Missy's room. I am trying so hard to focus on the positives so I don't go crazy. Unfortunately my brain is going in a million directions so sleep is sometimes hard to find. I am just all over the place these days. I hate this feeling and I know I need to go talk to my Dr. I am sure there is something I can do to even things out. I feel like such a failure for not being able to control the anxiety I am feeling. I am trying so hard so I guess that means there is something else going on. I just don't want my medical records to have something about depression in them, it just makes it real.

Also last week I found a lump on my head behind my ear. I am scared to death, so scared I don't even want to go to the doctor. I just don't have it in me to deal with anything else right now I would rather ignore it but I know I can't... My husband is not being so overly supportive right now so I am struggling. I am going to try to make an appointment with my Dr. this week.

Oh ya and Canadian Thanksgiving is coming up and my parents are going away, guess they aren't that interested in their grand kids. You know how often I have been 'b*chted' at for being at the in-laws for different holidays? I hate that women, she stresses me out to no end.

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Ok this is were I try to be more positive to improve my overall mood and remind myself of how incredibly lucky I am.

Well Missy is now three months and she has grown so very fast. I thought she was much bigger than her brothers at this age but I finally got around to digging out their calendars and low and behold she is actually smaller than both the boys were at three months (well she is taller, but weighs less). I can not believe how much faster the three months has passed with her than it did with the boys. I guess with three kids life just speeds up even more.

Missy is so alert now and smiles more, I think she is almost past her colic stage (thank goodness). She wants to sit up so she can watch those boys run/walk around. She must see all or she cries. Her brothers are still very good with her, kisses and hugs even when not expected. If she is sitting up and falls over a bit the boys make sure Mom 'fixes' her. She is going to be a drool-er I think, right now it's bubbles. The boys are going to drive me crazy... uh oh whenever their sister has bubbles, I must clean them up. If I don't the boys go get one of her cloths and wipe her little mouth. Dad likes to play with her and she responds with smiles (I wish dad would hold her a little more but we are working on that one). I wish I could just slow things down for a while as this is truly my favorite time.

The boys are growing like weeds. To fast for my liking. We have hit the whiny stage which isn't much fun. I am assuming it will get better when they start finding more words. They are bad at making up their own words for things and I try to keep saying the right word but they just aren't interested. The lasted addition to their vocabulary is kitty, more like itty. But it's a start right? They both like to colour and so far there hasn't been any crayon eating. They also like to play outside and run about, must be a boy thing? :) They don't like dirty hands and must have a napkin to wipe up during meals. They have decided that lunch is called 'ham' instead of lunch. I am not sure how that came about. They are great with 'B' words but for some reason they call banana's nannies? It's hard to believe that my husband and I don't talk baby talk the way they carry on! :) They are in the 'helpful' stage these days. Boy do the groceries get unpacked in a hurry, you try and keep up with two little monkey's unpacking bags. One of the boys cries when we are done unpacking though. They also like to help put their clothes away, that usually is interesting but hey maybe they will still like to do that when they are teenagers (ya right!:)). If mom is sad (which I try not to do around them to often) I get hugs and kisses without asking, it always makes me feel better too.