Tuesday, December 01, 2009

#358 - Lost

Why is that when I am not running around with my hair on fire and having too much to do that I just feel lost? It was kind of a lazy day today as I could not quite figure out what I wanted to work on. I had some time with the kids which was wonderful and I had some time to do a little bit of something/anything. So what did I do? Nothing! Well I guess I managed to get some laundry put away and a few things cleaned up in the 'computer cabinet from H E double hockey sticks (H*ll in case you were wondering)'. This evening I even managed to clean up some stuff in the kitchen and start working on the digital Calendars that I am making for Christmas. Hmm I guess I did more than I thought? I should have started dragging out my Xmas decorations or something though???

I always get lost when I am not way to busy... I wonder why that is?

There must be something in the air? Maybe it's because this used to be such a sensitive time of year for me? I don't know? I have recently realized something though. I realized today that babies no longer bother me (YEY for healing); however pregnant women still get me in the gut so-to-speak. So this year we are spending time at home so we can have some family time and so that I can avoid my cousins Pregnant daughter (and all the gushing that goes with that).

I suppose after 11 years of eating/sleeping/breathing/praying/begging/being angry with regards to infertility a few short years is not enough time to have let it all go and just be part of the past. I suppose in someways it was such a part of our lives for so long that it has shaped me as I have grown, now I just have to move past the 'bad stuff'. I suppose I don't ever want to forget what I went through though as it was a very important part of my life. I want to use the strength and patience that I have gained from those days every day to deal with the things that are not so easy in life. I want to remember what NOT to say to others and I want to be able to support anyone that needs it.

I have hope... almost every blogger that I have followed has achieved the dream of parenthood in one way or another. Here is praying that our children never have to worry about infertility...

Good night

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At 9:56 a.m., December 02, 2009, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

This is such a beautiful and heartfelt post. I think our struggles make us compassionate, and healing takes a long time. I find myself doing nothing after a hectic time (like teaching or conventions) and realize I have to recharge my batteries and I need downtime just like our kiddos.


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