Tuesday, January 27, 2009

#147 - Slow day

Well today was another slow day for me.  I am still not feeling the best but it's only a stomach bug so it's really not to big of a deal.  Hubby was home early today so I was able to rest a bit anyway so who can complain?

It is great that hubby has been home early, I am concerned though.  He makes a good wage only because of overtime and I am thinking that overtime may be gone for a very long time.  We need to really tighten our belts here now just to be prepared.  I was hoping it would at least last until I paid for the fixes to the guys car that I hit in January.  My husbands job is related to the oil field so when it slows down it affects him, after hearing that President Obama wants to go green I am even more concerned.  I do believe that we need to go greener, but Rome wasn't built in a day.  Instead of punnishing those that need to change, maybe an incentive to change may be better?  I don't know how to solve the world's problems, I just want my hubby to have work (like many others too!)

I was thinking about my course this weekend and realized something.  I should have done a session on what not to say to folks suffering through infertility.  I had an opportunity to educate and I missed it.  Sheesh why do I think of these things when it's to late.  It's like my brain is in slow motion these days, I hope to get it kicked into high gear soon!

My 'friend' sent me an email the other day.  This is the one that I made a photo Christmas card for, then decided that she wanted a different picture as there was a wicker chair in the background that she didn't like.  Well I never go to doing it (4 days before Christmas she wanted it changed.)  Well she never used it anyway. So whatever.  Well I also put together a birth announcement card (well it was a year of memories card as her daughter turned one in January).  She wanted that done just before Christmas too.  Well the card turned out really nice.  I told her to give me 4 to 6 photos that she wanted to use.  She gave me 50, so I picked.  Well of course she like the card but not the pics.  So now she wants me to fix it.  (Your kid is like 1 get over it and send it out!)  Normally I wouldn't mind making changes but I know she will never use it as it has to be PERFECT.  I am doing this to be nice and I don't have a lot of time to get my own stuff done.  So what does she do, send me an email asking me to finish it.  I already told her no more changes... Sheesh, I really need to get some new friends!  And it's not like she is getting charged for it.  I think her photographer wanted $15 a card.  I think I am going to reply explaining that I have 2 courses to get ready for and a bunch of contract work I need to finish, I am sure she still won't 'get it' though!

I am not sure what I did now, but the mother hasn't called in over a week and a 1/2!  It is bliss, I have to find out what I did to p*ss her off!  She's probably too busy with her sisters family anyway!  LOL

THINGS THAT BUG ME
- my lack of ability to think on my feet!
- my friend that wants me to do stuff for her

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
- no calls from the mother
- hubby home early

KIDDO NOTES
Baby is a busy one these days, talking, walking and playing.  Boy1 is in a new phase.  If I touched it, it's mine!  If Baby plays with a toy he has touched in the last 4 days he freaks (doesn't matter that he is not playing with and has Baby's toys).  It's getting a little frustrating but as I have learned this to shall pass!

Baby's morning naps are now a thing of the past, that means no more moring scrapbooking time for mom.  It's just too busy with all three of them running around in the basement.  I have to really keep an eye on her and she does need help with everything.  That's ok I do like to watch her walk around.  It's amazing at how interesting it is to watch someone learning to walk and explore.  The more Baby grows I think she is going to be a lot like Boy1

Boy2 has had a bit of a backslide with potty training, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  He is such an emotional soul. He is afraid of so much it breaks my heart.  I hope he grows out of it as it will definitely limit his fun in life.  I find it very hard to deal with his moods at times.  I am trying to just let him be when he needs it, but it is so frequent it can be hard to figure out what is the best to do.  Sometimes I get mad at him then I feel bad, I always try to apologize, but I feel like I have failed him somehow. 

I want to treat my children the same, but they all have such different needs, I just hope they all know that I love them all more than they can ever know.

BONDING
I just wanted to talk a bit about my bonding issues.  I feel like I am more bonded to Baby.  Not that I love her anymore or want to be with her anymore.  It just was easier with her.  I was her primary care giver from day one and she wasn't even interested in her father until at least 6 months or so.  When the boys were born I wanted so desperately to bond with both of them.  I felt like they were bonded to their father from birth and that it wasn't as strong with me.  I couldn't take care of them for about 3 weeks so I feel like I missed out on so much.   I think they bonded so easily with their father and I was just the second parent around.  Then after a year I went back to work for a while, maybe that affected things as well?  Now I am with them all the time and I still feel like they are more connected to their Dad.   I don't know if it's just more complicated with two, or it's because those first precious weeks it was all about Dad?  Maybe it's just me?   I just hope they don't feel that I am more connect to Baby then them as I do want the same for all of my kiddos.  If you have any wisdom you could share I would love to hear it.

Good night

Human
pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works
its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of
sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope.
-Robert Veninga




3 Comments:

At 4:45 AM, January 28, 2009, Anonymous Carrie27 said...

I do think it is easier with one then it is with two, and you are right they all have different personalities. My girls are giggly and snuggly, just what mom wants to do. E on the otherhand is a mover and doesn't want to be held. I feel like we spend more quality time with our oldest as she is awake longer at night. By the time I get home from work I'm getting the babies into pj's, letting them play for about 20 minutes and off to bed they go. I always worry that they will not feel loved and feel abandoned.

 
At 2:19 PM, January 28, 2009, Anonymous Kristin said...

GOod luck with the potty training. My 3 yr old is firmly refusing to even consider it.

 
At 4:48 PM, January 28, 2009, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

Beautiful quote and your feelings about bonding with your children are really understandable. I have a different relationship with each son, and it all has it's ups and downs. Their personalities are different just like your three. I feel the love you have for your beautiful family across cyperspace, so I'm sure your children bask in your love. (Hugs)

 

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