Tuesday, December 16, 2008

#112 - Lost

So now that things have slowed down I feel lost.  I have lots to do but I am not sure where to start.  I guess I just need a wee bit of a vacation from being busy! 

Instead of wrapping gifts I did some scrapbooking today.  I am bad!!  I am feeling the pressure of Christmas coming so I guess I am kind of shutting down.

I love Christmas with my kids, I just hate the rest of the stuff that goes along with it.  I am sad that in this house I may have about 1/3 of my decorations out (it doesn't feel like Christmas in the house.)  The tree is small, I only have one tree vs. my 3 trees.  At this time of year I really miss the old place.  It was just the greatest house to decorate.  I guess it's time to move on as I live here now.  Then there is the impending New Year, before kids it was one more year of infertility, one more year of no children.  Now it's a reminder that the kids are growing up WAY to fast!  It always feels like such a let down after Christmas, all this build up, then bang it's over and you just have a mess to clean up!  It's also a reminder of the year we started treatment for infertility, we started in January.  Then there is the whole memory of loosing my Grandmother before Christmas.  Then add the craziness of the last couple of months I think I am just a bit stressed.  I hope it passes soon.

I need to change for me, for my kids.  I need to celebrate my kids, my life and the heck with the rest of the stuff! 

- not being able to let the 'stuff' just slide of my back
- the fact that I feel like crap every time I teach a class
- the fact that Christmas makes me feel sad
- feeling anxious
- grumpy kids
- a full PVR (DVR) whatever you want to call it!

- a good night sleep
- my kids of course

Not to much new around here.  Boy2 is still grumpy.  All the kids seem to have the runs... lovely, definately past time to potty train.  I almost got sick this morning with the diaper I had to clean out!  Not to mention the stench in the room!  GROSS.  Even poor Baby is runny!

The boys were good/bad today.  They were OK, then one of them would decide he wanted the other one's toy, then the fight was on!  Then there is Lunch time, it is always a nightmare.  When I am getting it ready the grumping starts.  I want this/no I don't want this/I want this/no I want that... ugg what's a mom to do?  I am thinking ear plugs may be a good idea! :)

I would still take a bad day at home over a day at work!  (Just wish staying at home paid better, then I wouldn't need all these part time jobs that are driving me batty! :) )


At 5:27 a.m., December 17, 2008, Anonymous Kristin said...

Hope your kids feel better soon. Having sick kids is always horrible and doubly so around the holidays.

At 7:09 a.m., December 17, 2008, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

I'm sorry that you are sad about your Grandma this holiday. It is stressful with all these expectations which I am trying to let go of so I can enjoy our boys who have grown up way too fast. ((Hugs)) and if it makes you feel better I haven't decorated the inside because we just got the house painted!!! You can call us NUTS!!!!!!!!!!1


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