Thursday, November 27, 2008

#99 - Support Systems affected by infertility

Sometimes I wonder when infertility will keep rearing it's ugly head.  Before I finally got pregnant I thought that once I had a baby it would be done, gone, part of my past.  I thought that it would just be a distant memory that could no longer rear it's ugly head and be such a prominent part of my life.  Three children later I have come to realize that it will always be a part of my life, just now it's playing a different role.

It seems like some things take a while to 'sink in', and it is just becoming clear to me that the support systems for parenting seem to require a different spin after 11 years of IF.  I was at my Rhymes and Story Times, sitting across from the very young mothers, a few I think were not much older than high school aged.  These gals had made friends with each other and seem to have built a mom's support system.  It already knew that I didn't fit in with this group (maybe it's the decade age difference?), but as I sat there I realized that IF has really made it difficult for me to build those parenting support systems.

Why is that you ask?  I suppose it's due to the years of having friendships of those without children or those with grown children.  The years of avoiding those who could pro-create around my age group.  The years of avoiding anything child related, just to survive.  Even just after the boys were born I was still somewhat 'gun shy' of the entire parenting thing.  So only now am I starting to feel somewhat comfortable in the parenting world and my boys are almost 3 1/2.  In the socialization circles my children are suffering due to my lack of friends with children, I am trying to get them involved in programs to get them out there, but darn it's hard to find a place where I fit in.  It's not about me though it's about them, I want them to thrive despite my issues.

Instead of fighting it, I need to embrace IF... I am trying to stop thinking it should be gone and realize that it has shaped my life.  I know it will always be in the back of my mind, and I fear my children may suffer some day as well,  I pray they never feel the pain of IF. 

Now if only there wasn't a play group for IF'ers!

- Taking so freaking long to have the 'light bulb' moment
- Dry skin
- Being broke before Christmas (thanks mr. septic tank)
- Doing homework
- Not enough time to scrapbook

- Card making
- Quiet, but only at night
- Not needing the TV on in the house during the day for something to listen to

Boy2 is trying to be quite the parent to Baby.  Baby no, Baby don't do that, Baby here's a toy, Baby... Boy2 is getting more difficult to take out.  He is not liking being around people at all.  I am not sure what to do with him, so I am just going to try to keep taking him out.

Boy1 has perfected spitting, where do they come up with these things.  We sure didn't show him how to spit!  Yesterday he decided to spit on the floor, Baby thought it was funny, that was all the ammunition he needed.  Now you try and stop that behavior when Baby and Boy2 is laughing!  Then there was the chewed carrot episode.  I just had to quickly pay my very nasty Mastercard bill, yuck, before I forgot and had to pay interest.  Anyway I heard the laugh in the bedroom.  The laugh that makes me run and cry all in the same second.  So off to the bedroom I went to find bits of chewed carrot all over the room.  Boy2 and Baby were laughing away so Boy1 thought it would be fun to spit tiny bits of chewed carrot all over.  Lovely!  I got the garbage can and told him to pick it up while I cleaned up the toys and helped a little.  So then he gets his stern voice going and says "Boy2 help Boy1"... and Boy2 did.  Little bossy monster! :)  I could have vacuumed it up but I was hoping that if he picked it up he may learn not to do it again.  HA I think he had fun picking it up.  What a monkey!  If anyone has any anti-spitting techniques feel free to share... duct tape possibly? :)

Boy1 has learned quickly that when mom is tied up he can do as he pleases.  Today I was changing Baby's bum and he took his cup and started hitting the table.  We have a pine table, that now has about 50 dents from his cup.  Ugg, just not enough hands to keep the peace all the time these days!  Speaking of hands.  After the table meets cup episode I made Boy1 go to his room.  He was banging the door so I went to give him heck, well guess what I did, managed to accidently close the door on Poor Baby's hand.  I was watching for her too as she is bad at putting her hand in the door.  Sometimes I just feel out numbered and out of control.  The future scares me already! :)  I am hoping that NO means NO right now (not maybe) will lead to more peace in the future!

Baby, she was some kind of tired today.  I don't think she was really into the Rhymes today!  She did have a cute outfit on at least!  (A friend from the states sent it to me)  I am glad to report that there is no marks from the door on her hand.  She did sit with me for a while after (Boy2 had to keep bringing her toys) the door incident.  I do like when she sits with me, as she doesn't for very long anymore.  She still isn't walking.  I wish she would start soon, as her dresses would be so cute on her when she is upright!  I guess she is just too busy learning new words.

Good night!


At 7:31 a.m., November 27, 2008, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

((Hugs)) I wish you had some older moms around, it can be very helpful. I didn't have much, well really no support when the boys were little. It was much better when they started school and I met the older moms like us.

At 10:46 a.m., November 29, 2008, Anonymous Carrie27 said...

I completely understand the feeling of not fitting in. We are pulled to both sides, and what we need is a happy medium.


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