Friday, August 22, 2008

#33 - Thoughts on Fitting in as a Mother

Infertility has affected my life so much, I never expected that if I had a family that it would still affect me. I am starting to accept that it's just part of me and it will always be a part of me. The sting is not so biting anymore but it's definitely still there.

The whole time I was trying to get PG I always felt like I just didn't fit in. Most of my friends had families and we didn't. When we would get together the men would go off and talk about work and the women babies. Ours was a quiet struggle for many many years, we didn't let anyone in for all sorts of reasons.

I always preferred to hang with the guys as listening to the talk of babies just broke my heart. So I was always just there. Listening quietly. I never thought our day would come, but it did. Now I am part of a whole new world, the Mom world.

After 11 years of infertility I didn't know how to 'hang' with the Mom's. I felt like an impostor, and after 3 years I still feel like an impostor. I suppose like anything else it will get easier as the years go on, I have always said all it takes is time... now I just have to wait my time.

It was a trying day today, I was tired, the kids were grumpy so there was a lot of noise around here. I definitely not on the top of my Motherhood game today, I think I need some more sleep. But we made it through.

Boy1 decided that he wanted whatever his brother had. Even when they have 2 identical things, of course what Boy2 must be better because Boy2 had it. So the fight was on most of the day. I was so happy to see my hubby home today! I helped with groceries and had a nap. Life was much better after the nap. It is amazing what some sleep will do.

After supper we went out for a while and I didn't realize it has been a while since we have all been out together, granted it was just to home depot but we all had fun. Oh and I got to stop at Michaels and I bought the coolest border punch with pumpkins on it (Mart.ha St.ewart stuff, it's not cheap but some of it is cool!)


Oh and here are the pics I tried to post yesterday, my darn computer was looking to get itself pitched out a window last night! I like the first one better, but the second one is growing on me. I am really impressed at the quality of the photos given that they were from my cell phone. I have been messing around with a light box for my Etsy stuff and I have a really nice digital SLR camera that I can't seem to get setup right. Ugg... Anyway let me know what you think.

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At 10:30 p.m., August 22, 2008, Anonymous The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Thanks for the comments. Love the cards, especially the first one!

Even though I didn't struggle with IF, my struggles with prenatal depression and ppd along with my early doubts about my ability to mother (mostly due to my own relationship with my mom which was awful) often leave me feeling like an imposter too when I'm around other moms. Slowly it's getting better...but I can relate just a little bit. I think all the myths out there about the perfect, glowing, happy pregnant woman and the natural mothers who just float through this whole parenting thing can make it even harder to feel like I belong to this mom club. Fortunately there are so many ways to be a mom...v

At 7:14 a.m., August 23, 2008, Anonymous M de P said...

I so relate to the feeling of being an imposter. I definitely felt that way before we brought A home (aka, a week ago!!), and I have felt that way since bringing her home. It takes some getting used to.

At 9:18 a.m., August 23, 2008, Anonymous Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential said...

Thanks so much for sharing, sometimes I look at my family and think, "Wow, what the heck happened? These are mine?" Love the cards, my fav is the second one with two flowers, twice as nice, plus I'm a vertical oriented kind of gal.

At 4:11 p.m., August 23, 2008, Anonymous expectingamiracle said...

Here from ICLW.

I read bits and pieces of a great book recently, called "The Belated Baby". It was all about parenting after infertility and it did mention the things you are talking about. I guess even after you have a baby, you still have "baggage" from infertility.

At 4:52 p.m., August 23, 2008, Anonymous Tyler said...

Hi there, here from ICLW!
The cards you made are beautiful! I dabble a bit with scrapbooking, but I think I need some lessons from you! ;)

At 8:40 p.m., August 23, 2008, Anonymous kirke said...

I always end up with the boys in the garage too. The hardest part about sitting with the ladies is not only do they only talk about babies, but you can't really add anything, or they give you the sad nods (while secretly thinking what does she know?! poor infertle girl.)

Here from ICLW


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