Monday, September 10, 2007

What have we done???

Well today we bought a house and took off the condition on our house that stated we had to find a house first before the offer could go through.

Back in July we listed our house. I didn't really think it would sell or that we would find anything. I knew that we needed to find a new house but I wasn't really ready to go. I didn't think we would sell as the market in our area is flooded. We were just going to take our house off the market as I was getting to stressed and we got an offer on labour day. We had a week to find a house and we sort of did.

So here's the thing we are moving from a beautiful 1700 sq foot bungalow to a 1300 sq foot house that is in need of a tonne of work. The new house is on a beautiful 3 acres and it is at the edge of a small community and it is 5 minutes to a city. The house pretty much sucks compared to the one I am in now. It has potential but it will never be this house. Maybe I just bit off more than I could chew right now, but there's no turning back.

So now I have to leave my home, my safe place, my sanctuary. Why is it so hard? I am sitting here sobbing hoping that if I clear it out of my mind that I can look at it as a new beginning, right now it just hurts.

This is the house that I found out I may never have children
The house that I took my first injection
The house that I suffered my first failed cycle
The house where my hubby and I didn't know if we would make it through all this
The house that I was in, sitting at the kitchen table when I found out finally that I was pg, and my husband was right beside me
The house that I spent months and months on bed rest during my PG
The house that I finally brought my boys home to
The house that I spent countless hours up with my boys and thanking my lucky stars I have them
The house where my boys took their first steps
The house where they cut their first teeth
The house where they had their first birthday
The house where we decided to try again
The house where I had more failed cycles
The house where I had a successful cycle and a wee baby
The house that my kids will never remember
The house that has a yard that sucks
The house that I feel like the walls fit around me and make me feel safe
The house that all my nick knacks fit in
The house that my husband and I painstakingly chose every board to place when we put in our hardwood flooring
The house that now that it's to late I don't want to leave because I won't ever be able to sit in the room where I spent so much time with my boys and just remember the early days. I will never be able to go through the front door again and know what it felt like to finally bring a baby home.
What have we done?

To be fair we have bought a beautiful property and it will be a wonderful place to bring up my kids and I really wanted to leave the town we lived in as I didn't want my kids going through school in this place anyway. We also only have 2 bedrooms on the main floor so the Missy is in our room, so I finally will get to decorate a nursery. (Better late than never right?)

So hold my hand and tell me it's going to OK... cause in the end all that really matters is I have my family anyway... so if that is true why the heck is it so darn hard?

Oh ya and I went to a card making class and the gal is 5 months PG. It still bothers me so I suppose it doesn't help with the whole emotional thing?



At 8:02 a.m., September 11, 2007, Blogger Nico said...

It sounds like a beautiful piece of property. In no time you'll have made the house your own, and you will have plenty of memories there that you will cherish just as much as those from your old house.

At 8:56 a.m., September 11, 2007, Blogger MoMo said...

It will be okay. All your emotions are normal(if it makes you feel better, I went thru the same stuff when we moved last June.). The house might not be yours anymore, but the memories will last forever!!

At 10:55 a.m., September 11, 2007, Blogger The Town Criers said...

I'm holding your hand and telling you that it will be okay. And you may even walk through that door again in the future. My husband took me on a tour of all the homes he lived in through the years. We knocked on the door and explained the situation and people let us in and let us look around. It was a really amazing day (I know--we sound a little crazy right now as I write this, but the point is that while you can never call this place "home" again, the possibility exists that you could visit it in the future).

When we moved, I sobbed. I sat on the kitchen floor and had to keep putting the phone down to breathe. After a few days, this new space became home. I'm sure I will cry when it is time to move again. It's hard to say goodbye. But you know, from doing it other times before, that the goodbye and immediate aftermath are the hardest days and then it does get a bit easier in turn.

A good move, sweetie.

At 12:10 p.m., September 11, 2007, Blogger Angie said...

Oh wow! Congratulations!!

At 4:35 p.m., September 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The house you are leaving behind has lots of memories attached to it, but those will come with you to the new house.

And just think about all of the new memories you will have in the new house. It will be home before you know it.

At 11:38 a.m., September 13, 2007, Blogger Courtney said...

Congrat on the new house ... I know moving is hard but so worth it

At 2:13 p.m., September 13, 2007, Blogger Pixxiee said...

It's always hard leaving memories behind...and it's so natural to grieve. I still walk past my old house and remember working in the garden when the call came of my BFN...and me howling and sobbing while my neighbours looked on in shock! But you new house is just wonderful and full of love (of the canine and pussycat kind) and that's a good thing. Different, but good. Your 3 acres sound WONDERFUL - and I am sure you will turn the house into YOUR home again. Hang in there!

At 7:05 p.m., September 17, 2007, Blogger Rumour Miller said...

Soralis, if it helps... I am holding your hand and it will be okay.


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