And now the rain comes...

I am thinking that I may be starting to suffer from either post partum depression or it's just the return of nasty auntie flo? Or maybe I just have too much on my plate. The upcoming move is depressing the crap out of me and I am not sure if it's the move, leaving the house or just all the crap going round my head. Now I have had major issues in the past with auntie F, I was thinking it was just about the IF, but now I am not so sure? (Those BF'ing folks who say you won't get your period if you BF don't seem to know that yes some of us are lucky enough to not join that party! Arg)

So here it is, I am going to number it just for kicks
1) Dealing with being 'done' with growing our family
2) Dealing with the fact that I had my tubes tied when apparently I wasn't as ready as my hubby
3) Dealing with the IF baggage that I packed up and wish it would get on the next plane to nowhere
4) Thinking about packing
5) Driving myself crazy with the fact that our new house is smaller and not half as nice as the one we are currently in
6) Thinking about leaving the house where I brought my babies home
7) Looking at everything in the house thinking of how I will miss it (I am going effing crazy here aren't I girls?)
8) Dealing with the terrible 2's times 2 (I knew it would happen eventually... ugg)
9) Dealing with a declining milk supply
10) Dealing with the fact that my girl is growing WAY to fast
11) Dealing with my Crazy Lady (aka my mother)
12) Listening to my PG friend whine and complain about being PG (Why do fertile people think it's ok to complain to folks that have suffered for so many years with IF, and yes she knows what we have been through)
13) Dealing with moving from town to an acreage... yikes the boonies scare me
14) Trying to figure out how we will get everything done in the new house before we move in
15) All the extra money we need to find for the move, and lets not even talk about interim financing for 6 weeks
16) Our babysitter for our one night out this year (sh*t that's pathetic) jammed on us. (We booked her in June for a concert in December. ) Looks like we won't be going and I will probably have to give the tickets to crazy lady, she better effing pay me for them
17) Dealing with my friend who I gave a $500 flight certificate in May who was supposed to pay me half, and finally gave me $200 instead of $250 ugg, oh did I mention she moved out of the province on Thursday? Crazy Lady was supposed to use the certificate, but she didn't want to 'ask' for it. (Long story, when she was planning her trip I kept offering it to her but she said she couldn't fly with that airline. She is a big ole liar. And she is STILL lying about it)
18) My husband doesn't want me to go back to work. I make a lot of money and this is freaking me out. There is sssssooo much work that needs to be done at our new house I am afraid we will never be able to afford it and live in a nice house again
19) PMS.... nuff said
20) My husband, yes I have to add him to the list. I am still mad at him for not being involved in Missy PG and until recently I wasn't even sure that he wanted her. This has been eating me inside. Oh yes and he isn't dealing well with the terrible 2's. I feel like I can't even talk to him these days. It has been hard on our relationship since the boys were born and we just can't seem to get it together. I pray he will be happier on the acreage, with all the work I can't see it so I am worried. I miss our relationship before kids, if we could get out together more than once a year it may be good, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
21) I asked my Mom if she could take the boys the day we move so they aren't underfoot (not to mention that the younger one screams when his dad leaves the house). And I asked for one other weekend in November so I could help my husband with some of the painting one day. She gave me supreme sh*t that I can't expect the boys to be without us while we do stuff. So I guess here answer is no (I didn't think 1 day in November and one day in December was to much but I guess it is?) Did I mention that she tells everyone how much she does for us and how she helps out ALL the time. I just want to slap her
22) I am not good with change (ie the move)

I am sure I missed a bunch of stuff but that's a good start. Too much right now for me. I have decided to keep track of when I am upset so I can see if there is a pattern and if it is just tied to the monthly cycle. I hope that's all it is and that it can be fixed. I am so angry as I just want to enjoy my kids and the girl since they grow way to fast...

It's 11:30pm and I will probably be up anywhere between 3am and 6am feeding the missy so I better get to bed. Thanks for letting me vent AGAIN.