Monday, September 24, 2007

And now the rain comes...

I am thinking that I may be starting to suffer from either post partum depression or it's just the return of nasty auntie flo? Or maybe I just have too much on my plate. The upcoming move is depressing the crap out of me and I am not sure if it's the move, leaving the house or just all the crap going round my head. Now I have had major issues in the past with auntie F, I was thinking it was just about the IF, but now I am not so sure? (Those BF'ing folks who say you won't get your period if you BF don't seem to know that yes some of us are lucky enough to not join that party! Arg)

So here it is, I am going to number it just for kicks
1) Dealing with being 'done' with growing our family
2) Dealing with the fact that I had my tubes tied when apparently I wasn't as ready as my hubby
3) Dealing with the IF baggage that I packed up and wish it would get on the next plane to nowhere
4) Thinking about packing
5) Driving myself crazy with the fact that our new house is smaller and not half as nice as the one we are currently in
6) Thinking about leaving the house where I brought my babies home
7) Looking at everything in the house thinking of how I will miss it (I am going effing crazy here aren't I girls?)
8) Dealing with the terrible 2's times 2 (I knew it would happen eventually... ugg)
9) Dealing with a declining milk supply
10) Dealing with the fact that my girl is growing WAY to fast
11) Dealing with my Crazy Lady (aka my mother)
12) Listening to my PG friend whine and complain about being PG (Why do fertile people think it's ok to complain to folks that have suffered for so many years with IF, and yes she knows what we have been through)
13) Dealing with moving from town to an acreage... yikes the boonies scare me
14) Trying to figure out how we will get everything done in the new house before we move in
15) All the extra money we need to find for the move, and lets not even talk about interim financing for 6 weeks
16) Our babysitter for our one night out this year (sh*t that's pathetic) jammed on us. (We booked her in June for a concert in December. ) Looks like we won't be going and I will probably have to give the tickets to crazy lady, she better effing pay me for them
17) Dealing with my friend who I gave a $500 flight certificate in May who was supposed to pay me half, and finally gave me $200 instead of $250 ugg, oh did I mention she moved out of the province on Thursday? Crazy Lady was supposed to use the certificate, but she didn't want to 'ask' for it. (Long story, when she was planning her trip I kept offering it to her but she said she couldn't fly with that airline. She is a big ole liar. And she is STILL lying about it)
18) My husband doesn't want me to go back to work. I make a lot of money and this is freaking me out. There is sssssooo much work that needs to be done at our new house I am afraid we will never be able to afford it and live in a nice house again
19) PMS.... nuff said
20) My husband, yes I have to add him to the list. I am still mad at him for not being involved in Missy PG and until recently I wasn't even sure that he wanted her. This has been eating me inside. Oh yes and he isn't dealing well with the terrible 2's. I feel like I can't even talk to him these days. It has been hard on our relationship since the boys were born and we just can't seem to get it together. I pray he will be happier on the acreage, with all the work I can't see it so I am worried. I miss our relationship before kids, if we could get out together more than once a year it may be good, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
21) I asked my Mom if she could take the boys the day we move so they aren't underfoot (not to mention that the younger one screams when his dad leaves the house). And I asked for one other weekend in November so I could help my husband with some of the painting one day. She gave me supreme sh*t that I can't expect the boys to be without us while we do stuff. So I guess here answer is no (I didn't think 1 day in November and one day in December was to much but I guess it is?) Did I mention that she tells everyone how much she does for us and how she helps out ALL the time. I just want to slap her
22) I am not good with change (ie the move)

I am sure I missed a bunch of stuff but that's a good start. Too much right now for me. I have decided to keep track of when I am upset so I can see if there is a pattern and if it is just tied to the monthly cycle. I hope that's all it is and that it can be fixed. I am so angry as I just want to enjoy my kids and the girl since they grow way to fast...

It's 11:30pm and I will probably be up anywhere between 3am and 6am feeding the missy so I better get to bed. Thanks for letting me vent AGAIN.

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At 6:39 a.m., September 25, 2007, Blogger Angie said...

You've got a lot on your plate. We're here, keep venting when you need to! Thinking of you.

At 7:22 a.m., September 25, 2007, Blogger Courtney said...

I am sorry everything is so overwhelming. I too get af when bfing .... sucks!!

At 7:26 a.m., September 25, 2007, Blogger MoMo said...

Don't be so hard on have so much on your plate and what you are feeling is normal. You've going thru some major changes in your life(a new baby, a new house, deciding not having more children. Most people don't deal with these issues all at the same time--it will all work out. Hang in there! Sending you a big hug

At 3:36 p.m., September 25, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hugs, Soralis.

You have so much on your plate right now. You are dealing with so many things. I think the first thing you should do is take even just half an hour and do something entirely for you, be it paint your toes or a bubble bath or go for a coffee. Sometimes, a small break helps put things in perspective.

As for the feelings about having your tubes tied, you know that doesn't mean your reproductive cycle is done. You still have frozen embryos, right? Your tubes weren't necessary for the 3 kiddos at home with you now, so even if you decided you wanted 3 more, the tube thing isn't an issue.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

At 5:13 a.m., September 26, 2007, Blogger Mama said...

Thanks so much for the post on my blog...I'm excited to find someone else managing three under 2!
It sounds like you have a TON on your plate- allow yourself to just vent and get it all out. I find that helps me deal a lot and sort things out in my head. You have so many changes going on, how could you not feel overwhelmed?

We moved when our twins were just four months old and had a lot of trouble selling our old place (of course we stupidly bought our new house before we sold the old one...and paid the price in two mortgages for four months!) I was so stressed out then, but things eventually settled down and I felt a lot happier. I'm sure you will get there too after everything settles down.

And for everyone who says you can't get AF when BFing, I send them to my (very fertile) friend who was BFing their second when she got pregnant "by surprise" with their third...

At 9:07 p.m., September 26, 2007, Blogger Michael said...

You have so much going on right now. Give yourself permission to feel lousy. It will be ok, somehow. I will say a prayer for you!
email me if you'd like

At 12:38 p.m., September 28, 2007, Blogger Lut C. said...

You have plenty of stressful things going on there!
The friction between you and your husband sounds like a major stressor. I hope things improve soon.


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