Thursday, January 25, 2007

Who invited you?...

Well it's less than a week until my next O.B. appointment and guess what my rotten friend baby anxiety is back. (Who invited you anyway?) I seem to only be able to go so long without hearing and/or seeing my little one and then I start to worry. When I had my twins I had things timed wonderfully, O.B. appt then 2 weeks later U/S then 2 weeks later start over. The every 2 week seeing or hearing hb's was a life saver for me. I am having a really hard time with the month between appointments, and since I am only having one this time my last u/s will be in my 19 week. This will mean that I will have to go approximately 20 weeks without an u/s. You have got to be kidding me? I think I need a u/s anonymous group or something?

It is amazing that I am just coasting along then all of a sudden this fear hits me... my brain must keep better track of my appointments then I realize! :) My husband thinks I am nuts for worrying, I would so like to live in his world until my next appointment. Give him a week in my brain see if he comes out alive! :)

Thanks for the comments regarding my insensitive friend on my last post. For those who said I should talk to my friend I just thought I would let you know that I have in the past. She really doesn't have a clue sometimes. She kept sending me emails about new babies (right after my failed FET in may) and an email of some woman who had six or seven kids. She was bugging me about me thinking I was busy. Well I was getting annoyed so I very nicely asked her not to send me stuff like that anymore as I was having enough problems dealing with another failed cycle. She never said anything but a while later in front of a bunch of people she said how crabby I was about a bunch of emails. Needless to say I am not going to say anything as I she obviously doesn't get 'it'. (Sorry I just had to share, as you can see I am still annoyed about that and that was back in May! I guess I can forget about it now since I have unloaded on my blogging buddies! :) )

Kid lets discussed
I have been keeping busy here with 2 sick kids. One got better than the other one got sick. I am not sure if they have the same thing with different symptoms or two different things. The first guy got some nasty spots which caused a quick trip to the Hospital as I thought it was measles (I of course have never had them and was more worried about me, more like little monkey in me... I am a bad mother!) It ended up that it was just a virus, that I never caught thankfully! So he finally recovered and the second fella came down with the flu, our life has been all about diarrhea and vomit since Sunday. At least sicky #2 waited until a week day so we could take a run to the nearest medical clinic. So off we went yesterday, we got right in, it was great, and there was no trip to the hospital! (even better). He just has the flu, but we have to watch him closely for dehydration. So I am hoping that he starts to improve today! (Note to self, morning sickness and vomiting kid equal bad idea! :) It's the first time they have ever been really sick so I think I have done well since they just turned 18 months! Which reminds me we have a pediatrician appointment on Friday, I need to make a list!

Pregnancy Thoughts
Sorry this post is all over the place, kind of like my brain these days! Well I am still feeling really rotten. This PG seems to be taking it's toll on me physically and mentally. I am praying that all goes well so that I don't have to go through this again, now there is something I NEVER thought I would feel. Although I suppose I will forget all about it post birth!

I am angry that I am feeling so bad. I am angry that this PG isn't a wonderful experience. I am angry that I had to fight so hard to get PG and now I feel like total and utter crap. I was hoping now that I am into my 2nd trimester that I could put all the crap from the first trimester behind me and move forward and feel just a little better. I am surprised that I am having a rougher time with this PG then my twin PG. My O.B. told me the last go around that if I just had one it would be an easy PG, piece of cake. Well shame on me for believing it!

Am I unhappy that I am PG, NO, NEVER! Am I unhappy that I am not enjoying it, YES! I am still hoping that things turn around and I feel better soon!

Quote of the Day
We don't have to wait
for fear to vanish altogether
because that moment will never come;
all we need
is a moment of daring
that can change a whole lifetime of waiting.
~ Diane Conway (What Would You Do If You Had No Fear?)



At 11:18 a.m., January 25, 2007, Blogger Barely Sane said...

I'm sorry the anxiety is back. Have you given any thought to renting a doppler? That way you can hear the HB whenever you want!!

Some people just don't get it and no amount of explaining will solve that. No point in talking to your "friend" other than to let her know that you dont have any baby stuff for her. Give her another place to try looking - like a local thrift store or on-line. Craig's List and ebay have a wide assortment of stuff and you never know what you'll find.

Hope the pg gets easier!

At 11:49 a.m., January 25, 2007, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm sorry you're feeling crappy, it is so upsetting not to be able to enjoy this experience we've all been craving. I hope you get a bit of relief soon.

At 8:16 p.m., January 25, 2007, Blogger My Reality said...

Maybe you will have to spring for a 3D ultrasound so you can get a peek at the baby after the 19 week ultrasound.

At 12:45 a.m., January 26, 2007, Blogger Lara said...

Anxiety really stinks. I am a fellow sufferer and I take prozac. My biggest fear is getting PG and then the OB telling me I need to stop taking it. People who don't suffer from Anxiety really don't get it. Much like people who aren't an IF'er don't get Infertility. I hope your anxiety gets better and by the way your friend sounds very insensitive, I'd say lose her! She's not worth the aggro!

At 8:32 a.m., January 26, 2007, Blogger GLouise said...

Sorry about the anxiety. Please be gentle to yourself! I wonder if you could rent a doppler from the local hospital?


At 10:31 a.m., January 26, 2007, Blogger flygirl said...

Soralis, I ended up renting a doppler unit so that I could check on the heartbeat whenever I pleased. There's a great little Canadian company at that will ship one to you ASAP.

It's really helped with my peace of mind. You may want to look into it...

At 11:39 a.m., January 26, 2007, Blogger UtRus said...

don't be too hard on yourself Soralis. seriously. you've got surging hormones, morning sickness and twins (sick this week at that!) to take care of. add to that everything we go through with IF and the stress of it all... girl. your feelings are NORMAL. no, they don't feel good, and I hope you feel better soon, but please don't judge yourself. hugs.

At 8:13 p.m., January 26, 2007, Blogger Bea said...

Hope you do feel better soon. And by "soon" I'm including the end of your pregnancy, or possibly six or so months in to your new family. Well, infertility works a different timeline, as you know.


At 7:48 a.m., January 29, 2007, Blogger Snickollet said...

Sorry you're having such a rough go. I hope things improve, and soon.

Renting a doppler seems like a fabulous idea. How nice it would be to hear the baby's heart beating anytime you want, and not in a doctor's office but at home.

At 8:11 a.m., January 30, 2007, Blogger Krista said...

I hear you girlfriend. I'm just a little ahead of you and like you this pregnancy started out as twin and now is singleton. I go weeks feeling great and then am overcome with the fear of losing this little life I carry. I too feel like crap a lot (still even though I am almost 20 weeks!) and would like to enjoy this pregnancy more. I keep telling myself that in the end it won't matter, once I see that baby it will be all worth it.

It's got to be even harder for you with twins and an evil mother to deal with. Hang in there Soralis, I think everything will be ok.

At 3:14 p.m., January 30, 2007, Blogger Angie said...

I am sorry that you're feeling so crappy. You should be able to enjoy this time! I hope that it gets easier soon!

At 3:30 p.m., January 30, 2007, Blogger Demeter said...

reading this post reminded me of my pregnancy. Perhaps you could rent a doppler? I found the monthly visits to the OB were ok, but I was so anxious. I hope it goes away, but then, I know it did not go away for me until my daughter was born...


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