Slacker...

Yes I have been a slacker of late! I have been reading your blogs and sparsely commenting.

I was 11 weeks on Saturday and still in denial, how does one live in denial when one is feeling this horrible I wonder? I guess I am just afraid that something will happen to this little one too? I am hoping that I feel better after my next u/s. It will be after the 12 week mark so hopefully that will give me some peace of mind.

I had my first prenatal exam this past Friday. Just the usual Pap and blood pressure check... I will be glad when little one is big enough to be heard by the Doppler. It's all about waiting isn't it? First waiting to get on the list, then waiting for treatment, waiting for an ER date, 2ww, waiting for the first u/s, waiting for 12 weeks, waiting for 28 weeks, praying you make it at least until 32... waiting for the healthy baby to appear. I have never been good at waiting! I am one of those people that enjoys the movie much better if I know the outcome first. :)

I haven't been keeping up these days as I am beyond stress, my family is making me totally nuts. I really don't know how much more I can take. With my mom it's ALL about drama and making the easy things as difficult as possible and the difficult things even more difficult, oh yes and the drama. I just want to enjoy some peace for a while. She has literally sucked the joy out of Christmas for as long as I can remember and I am just waiting for this years drama to unfold. I have decided that I have to find a way to deal with all this anger so I am going to see out some professional assistance as I can no longer deal with this. I need to learn to accept things for the way they are and not let them bother me. One conversation with this woman leads me to 2 days of stress at least and that is not good for me, my boys or my PG. (Maybe if I say it/think it I will stop being in denial) We are currently looking for a new babysitter so that we don't ever have to ask for anything, wish us luck with that one!

More PG thoughts
Not much to report, still not over the loss of our twin. Still scared about the remaining little one. Feeling like major crap, only care because I can't take care of my boys as well as I like. I have acne like I have never had in my life. I think we will be able to start pointing out the constellations very soon, oh no wait there is the big dipper! :) In a perfect world I would have loved to wait till the boys were a bit older before moving on to another PG but time/age was an issue. I am a little disappointed that they don't understand and can't really share in the wonder. (my father asked me the other day how I was... I don't like to complain, but I don't like to lie either, so I just said tired. His comment was, well you brought it on yourself... I suppose we did, but to add on to our family we really had no choice as to the timing. I would have loved to wait a couple of years, but we are making the best of what we have and we are just thankful that so far we have one little one on it's way.)

I really do hate to complain about PG as I do feel so grateful, but I am looking forward to the days where the nausea and sickness is behind me! :)

Take care