Imposter...
Remembering the primary infertility made me think of how I feel like an imposter in the infertility world since I have had a successful cycle, and now hopefully (crossing fingers) another successful cycle. Heck I even hit the holly grail with the birth of my twins.
I have never really felt as though I found out where I belong, when I was a kid I was so very shy that I never really had any good friends. Then I spent 11 years with the infertility business, so I didn't fit in with the fertile world. Finally I had found somewhere where I was 'part' of the madness. As difficult as infertility is, at least I had a place to 'belong'. Then after the birth of my boys I have felt like I don't know where I belong anymore, as I never really wrapped my head around the fact that I was still infertile until recently. (I don't think I would have ever 'got this' if it wasn't for the WONDERFUL suppot in blogland.) After the birth of my boys I even joined a Twins club, great this should be good right? Well I felt like and imposter there to, I felt like I had 'fake' twins since they weren't natural.
I still feel like an imposter in the Mom world, I am hoping very soon I can put that all behind me and move past my infertility. I guess really that's the Holly Grail in the end... moving past infertility and finally completing my family on my terms.
Take care
Quote of the day
Happiness comes more from loving than being loved; and often when our affection seems wounded it is only our vanity bleeding. To love, and to be hurt often, and to love again - this is the brave and happy life.
posted by soralis @ 7:41 p.m.
11 comments
11 Comments:
First, I love your quote. And although I understand your point about fake twins I'm kind of laughing thinking about all the fake pregnancy stuff, the fake childbirth, the fake twin feeding etc that must have gone along with.
I hope you feel more like you fit in somewhere soon. It's a comfortable feeling.
Bea
Hopefully you'll be more sucessful than I've been at fitting in. As soon as I found my place fitting in the in "infertile" world - I soon moved into a new rhelm. LOL Now I have no clue what I am anymore... maybe we should just stop trying to find a "title"?
Funny you should post this--I was just brewing a post myself about how I feel like a fake primary infertile because I had b/g twins with my first IVF cycle. (Who hates me now!?) Point being: I know just what you mean. Just when you think you fit somewhere, things change.
I, too, have been immensely comforted by bloggers and blogging. Bloggers are so good about letting other bloggers say what they need to say and accepting what is said for what it is. The "real world" needs more people like that.
As for your twins not being "natural" and the twin club: I think almost all of the twins in my twin club are IVF, but we never actually talk about it at meetings. I've been lucky enough to find my twin club really helpful and supportive, as well as a great place to get cheap/free multiples stuff!
Um, you are NOT and imposter. Titles never worked for me either.... I feel the same way with people who have had losses like me that don't have kids yet. I feel like I still want to talk about my loss, but I don't have the "right" to because I have a baby now. I feel like all the other bloggers that have had losses now don't want to read my blog because I talk about the baby. I have given up trying to fit in is my point.
The Holy Grail... moving past infertility and completing our family on our terms...
I LOVE THAT! I hope we are all able to complete our families on our terms.
Just because treatment worked for you, doesn't mean you don't know the sting and hurt of primary infertility. And we all know that. We all wish that we were the ones it worked for on the first try and I consider myself lucky to have gotten pregnant on the second IVF, BUT no matter how many children I might go on to have, I will NEVER forget the hurt caused by infertility.
Soralis, you belong with us.
I think Tertia posted that it was around 22 months (of having her twins) that infertility finally stopped hurting so much. It's something we will carry with us forever. Too bad there isn't an IVF twins club in your area.
Did you get fake hemerrhoids and fake stretch marks too? I don't think so. :)
Your babies are real and you are a real mother.
I've just got up-to-date with your news! What an emotional roller coaster.
Dear Soralis, I am just catching up with everyone after a month in the hospital with no internet. I can't believe everything you've been through in the past little while.I am so sorry for the loss of your little one, but I am happy to hear that one of them is OK.
I love your quote about the Holy Grail. So true! Let's start our own IVF twins club!! Then we will both fit in.
I can relate to your feelings about "imposter." But...you are a real mom, not a fake one! And your boys are definitely "real."
I hate how infertility sometimes has the ability to "brand" us, tag us and make us feel a certain way, even after a "happy ending."
wishing you and new baby #3 all the best!
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