Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Grumpy Post....

I am grumpy, that about sums it up. So here is my big grump post... the one you wish you had skipped I am sure.

So why am I grumpy?

1) I lost a twin and I feel as though most of the people around me don't feel as though it was an actual loss... that baby did have a heart beat, it was alive for a very short time... it is a loss, so frig you nasty friends and relatives.

2) The day after we found out we lost one of our twins I get a call from the local health nurse. (Apparently I am her only contact for the Twins club that we belong to). So she asks me how I am doing, I proceed to fill her in on the loss of one of our twins. In the next breath she asks me if I know if there is any respite care available through the twins club as one of her clients just had her second set of twins. Kick me when I am down lady. Did she really have to give me the details? The worst part was they would have been about the same gap between my boys and the new set of twins had that of actually happened.

3) My mother. I really need to move. So while we were waiting for our u/s we were dragged to the biggest mall in North America (at least I think it's still the biggest anyway), for my dad's work kids Xmas party. I wasn't feeling well but I figured I better go or I would be in trouble. (Who am I kidding I will be in trouble no matter what I do!). It was at the amusement park in the mall, which really didn't have much for the age my boys are at. But Grandma doesn't GET IT! So we get out there, it's a freaking zoo, I felt like crap. Grandma wants us to wait in line for 1 hour (or more) to take the boys on the train so she can get a photo. I couldn't do it. I thought I was going to pass out. Holding a screaming crying kid just wasn't what I was up to that day. So we bailed from the line, Grandma was not happy. The saga continued until we had to grouchy kids that were going to make US PAY later. I told her we had to go, they had enough, not to mention it was an hour past their nap time. Well guess what I was in trouble again, I guess Grandma wasn't ready to go. Maybe we should have just left her with 2 screaming one year olds and told her to meet us later. Well by the time we got home I guess she was REAL mad at me??? I had asked her to stay with the boys as I had to go to a bridal shower and I was doing a scrap booking 'thing'. I needed some help lifting as I was not supposed to while we waited for the u/s. She didn't want to stay but said that she would help me with the lifting.... well guess what she just went home, f-me I guess?

4) My mother.. yup again. My mother is supposed to babysit the boys one day a week since I went back to work... in 3 months I think she has had them twice. Well I had booked a vacation day on one of her days, I assumed she could come for a couple of hours in the morning to give me a bit of a break as I really was stressed (pre u/s) and feeling very ill due to pg (not that I am complaining, just happy to still be PG). Well as soon as I asked her to come anyway she got all pissed off, she has stuff to do (decorating her house for Xmas, guess that is more important than spending time with the grand kids). Needless to say when I asked her to come over in the morning (my worst time of day) so that I could rest a bit she said NO. (As soon as she heard the word REST I lost her... she said she could come over in the afternoon if I wanted... when the boys are napping how helpful.) This was the last straw for me. She is so busy telling everyone how much she does for us and she couldn't even come over to help me out for 2 freaking hours in the morning. (She is the first one to help anyone and everyone else out so I certainly know where I rate in her freaking list... somewhere under the garbage pile I suppose)

5) My mother... My dad's birthday is coming up, she invited us over for cake on Sunday. It is FREAKING cold here and I am really feeling sick still, and we won't mention that my husband and I are still trying to deal with our bad news last week. (But she doesn't give a crap about any of that anyway) So I asked if they could come over here for cake instead. NO, your father said our house or nowhere. (She didn't even ask him) I tried to explain that I am not feeling very well and that trying to keep track of the boys in a so far from Child Proofed house is exhausting, not to mention that we have the high chairs etc at our house, not to mention that the boys need to go to bed at a certain time (although according to her I shouldn't be doing that anyway). Oh ya and not to mention that it is a bit of work to get two little ones ready to go outside in this horrible weather.... It's all about HER and what SHE wants, well this time I am not giving in, if they want to have f-ing cake with us they can come over here. So bite me nasty woman! Is is not enough for her that I lost a freaking baby last week, she just has to keep being evil and mean.

6) My mother... hmm I see a trend! She finally shows up on 'her day' to look after the boys. So what is the first thing that she does? f-up their schedule of course. When we had our other lady come in I wrote up a little 'user manual' of what we do and at what times we do it, it also works well if we have someone else come in to look after the little gaffers. I have kept it up to date and it is very detailed (anal retentive I guess! LOL). So anyway I asked her a few questions about 'items' on the schedule, to see if she was actually following it. Guess what she isn't! Big surprise! When I mentioned it, she said my schedule doesn't make any sense and I wrote it all wrong anyway. It wasn't in there correctly. Hmm, thinking maybe it's HER problem given that everyone else seems to be able to follow it! Then I corrected her on a few other things, well frig did I ever get blasted for that. SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING, even though she is never around the boys she still knows more than I do about them. Evil and Mean should be her middle names.... either that or it is all me?

7)My mother... remember #4, couldn't come over for 2 hours to help out. Well she had to fill me in on all the stuff she is doing for other people (you know the ones that actually deserve some help, I am just the ungrateful daughter). My poor aunt has to go in for surgery and she needs help. My poor cousin she is having issues with her deadbeat husband... and the list goes on. I actually feel alienated from my entire family because of my mother, and I wonder why I can wait until Christmas.

8)Christmas... well actually my mother at Christmas is making me grumpy. Every time I want to get something for the boys she has already got it and I am to take it back. Or she buys something similar after I told her what I am getting for them. She sucks the joy out of Christmas, We really need to freaking move out of the province. We have 2 choices, either go to the relatives and 'enjoy' dinner or stay home and have them freaking come over. I think we will go to the relatives. We aren't allowed any time with our family. I am not even going to get started on the gift part of Xmas, we will save that for another day

9)I am so freaking depressed right now, I just want to snap out of it. I think I see what the problem is but I haven't a clue what to do about it. In addition I think I have some nasty pg hormones that are making my life even more miserable. I am supposed to enjoy this PG, this is the last time I will ever be PG. I am scared to death that something is going to go wrong. Everything just seems to be too much right now, working, my messy house, my mother, my lack of energy/will to do anything...

10) The freaking weather... -32 celcius with the wind chill yesterday. This morning -29 celcius, and I am afraid to ask what the wind chill is today!

So off of the grumpy topic, I would like to thank all my blog friends, again, for all the wonderful support. This community really makes the hard days easier. Hugs to all.

Quote of the day

Love many things,
for therein lies the true strength,
and whosoever loves much performs much,
and can accomplish much,
and what is done in love is done well.

~ Vincent van Gogh



At 10:29 a.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Barely Sane said...

Some people will never get it. They just assume that since you are still carrying one baby, you wont feel the loss of the other. How wrong they are.

I'm sorry your mom sucks ass. Come live in BC near me!! But seriously, West Ed mall with 2 1yr olds and knowing your sick? What the heck was she thinking? I'm glad you bailed. I know she's a constant thorn, and ultimately she IS your mother, but that's not your fault. You still have to do what's best for you and YOUR family.

Hang in there!

Big hugs from BC

At 10:36 a.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Demeter said...

I am so sorry you are having such hard times with your mother. Please take it easy hun, don't stress out. You have to take care of yourself first. Sometimes people are so insensitive and selfish.

At 12:27 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger chris said...

Ugh. I'm sorry.

At 3:59 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger flygirl said...

Holy crap. I guess it's wrong to disown your own mother eh? Cause that's what I'd be tempted to do.

It's a real shame that she can't be the mother that you need her to be. Keep your chin up girl.

At 4:17 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Natalie said...

Your mother is a real piece of work. You sound like you need to distance yourself from her just to protect yourself. :( I'm so sorry people are not being understanding!

At 5:22 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am sorry that you are going though so much right now. It's amazing how insensitive people can be. Hang in there. Sending you a hug.

At 5:27 p.m., November 28, 2006, Anonymous Jen said...

And people wonder why I moved to the other end of the country from my mother. life is much better with distance!

Sorry your feeling so low nothing I can say will help but am thinking of you all.

At 7:07 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Rumour Miller said...

Ugh, I am so sorry. You need a vay cay from your Mother. Come to Manitoba for the holidays and we will put the three kids in a bubble room and let them play their little hearts out while you do nothing but put your feet up and rest.

At 8:08 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger My Reality said...

I tried to move 2000 miles away from my mother, it worked for about 2 years, and then she moved here. So, I guess the moral of that story is moving away from your mom doesn't always work!

I am sorry things are rough right now. You need to take the time to grieve the loss of one of your babies, and hopefully, things will get easier as the days go by.

Thinking of you.

At 8:35 p.m., November 28, 2006, Blogger Nico said...

Your mother sounds like a real doozy! For the moment it seems like you'd be better off without her in your life - can you back off and just not include her in so much stuff? It just sounds like she's making you really miserable right now!

At 2:05 a.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Drew said...

The lost of one of your unborn twins, to me, is as real as loosing an unborn at any day further down the track. Seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound machine screen is very empowering. To write it off like some people would do is insensitive. I can understand your loss and I hope my empathy more than makes up for the rest of the people. Hugs to you Soralis.

I can't say much about your mom (except I am sorry), but yeah, fuxk that nurse from the clinic.

At 7:51 a.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Shinny said...

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all the crap from your mother of all people on top of you recent loss. Big hug from Wisconsin to you my dear.

I hope that you can get some rest, I know that improves my mood. It sounds like you are very busy with work and the twins but hopefully you can sneak in some extra rest time for you.

Take care and know that Blogland loves you.

At 9:01 a.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger miraclebaby said...

First of all, I'm sorry about your little angel twin. Second... I want to kick your mom to the moon!

At 10:17 a.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

I'm sorry about the loss of one of your twins. A loss is a loss no matter what. People can really be insensitive. Hang in there.

I'm sorry your mom is such a pain. That cannot be helping things. Hang in there.

At 12:15 p.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Snickollet said...

Sometimes people suck. I'm sorry about the insensitive nurse and anyone else who minimized the loss of a twin. As for your mom, golly wow.

You have a lot on your plate. Hang in there. You have a lot of frineds in the computer pulling for you. Wish I could do more.

At 3:10 p.m., November 29, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hang in there!

You may just want to take a little break from dear ole' Mom. Is there anyone else that could take over her day?

I am so sorry about the loss of your twin. Take care of yourself and your own family. God Bless.

-Cheryl in Corpus Christi

At 3:28 p.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Isabel said...

You first! Cut that lady right out. If your mom wants in, it has to be on your terms. Of course, if I could follow this advice myself I wouldn't have moved to Japan, so following this advice is v. difficult.

I am very, very sorry for your loss. I wish people could empathise with how it feels to lose a child, any child, especially an unborn child.

At 7:14 p.m., November 29, 2006, Blogger Kris said...

I'm sorry, dear, you are certainly entitled to grump. And mourn the loss of your little twin. Screw those insensitive friends and family.

At 10:33 a.m., November 30, 2006, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

Soralis, I am so very sorry about the loss of one of the twins. I am sure that your heart is breaking and not having the support you need just makes it worse. You mother is a total self centered shit. We've haven't gotten the cold snap yet in Ontario, you can come stay with us. I can't imagine taking care of twin 1yr olds while pregnant, let alone dealing with your mom. No wonder your feeling depressed. Hugs!

At 10:44 a.m., November 30, 2006, Blogger Krista said...

Wow, your mother is certainly using up her "unsupportive" time fast. Time for her to shape up.

I know how hard it is to lose a twin and have many people act like you are ungrateful if you mourn. On the other hand, so many people have been wonderful too. I hope you also have your fair share of those wonderful people. Let yourself grieve, it is natural and necessary.

At 4:51 p.m., November 30, 2006, Anonymous amy said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I, too, know how hard it is to have unsupportive family. Much love to you.

At 9:16 a.m., December 01, 2006, Blogger serenity said...


I am sorry your mom is not close to support for you. That sucks.

At 4:44 a.m., December 02, 2006, Blogger Amy said...

I'm so sorry that you lost one of your twins. I know how you feel. I couldn't stand how people would say to me "well, at least you still have one baby." It would piss me off that the one I lost didn't matter to them.

I'm also sorry that your mother is giving you such trouble. You definately need some space and time away from her right now.

I'll be thinking of you and I send you many hugs.

At 12:34 p.m., December 03, 2006, Blogger UtRus said...

checking in to see how you're doing. been thinking about you. hugs.


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