The results are in....

Well I am home, my trip was awesome (except the part where my baggage decided not to join me, but at least they found it and it will be here some time today). So I suppose you want to hear all about my trip first? Ok maybe not!

So I got home Tuesday night... LATE! 2nd person through customs! (last person out off there though due to my baggage! Isn't that always the way!) We landed and had to wait to get towed to our gate (there wasn't even any other planes coming in at the time, our 'international' airport is quite small! The dude must have been napping!) So I turned on my phone and text messaged my husband (why I just didn't call him I will never know!??) By this point I was prepared for bad news as he was supposed to tell me if it was good news, so he either didn't know or it was bad. So he texts me 'big surprise'. Knowing my husband this could be ANYTHING... like he remembered to bring my coat. So anyway I was shaking the entire time that the baggage was dumping out! I just wanted to get the heck out of there. After the bags stopped coming I decided to ask the baggage agent right away to see if they were done. (Been there done that way to many times!) So I filled out all my paperwork and left with my carry on bag. (finally!) I had this feeling that the bag wasn't going to join me since I cleared the first step of customs so quickly!

I went out to join my husband. Not a word out of him, I guess it's not good news... at least I stopped shaking since I was waiting for my baggage for so long. So we go out to the truck to start our long journey home. He is jabbering about nothing (I am ready to shake him by this point... after all it has been almost 3 freaking days since my blood test.) He finally started saying, well the dr's office called, and he is yammering on. I am waiting and waiting for the news. Ya he didn't ask! He just said that I am supposed to call as my dr. had some instructions for me. He figured that sounded good. Meanwhile it's going through my head, why the frig didn't you just ASK the question, you know the one where you say is she PG? Three words and he didn't ask! I should have left him more explicit instructions on what to say. So this meant I have to wait another day to call the office. I was really thrilled, but believe it or not I was just to tired to care. Can you imagine to tired to care about the end of the 2ww. I must have been exhausted! Maybe it was because I am PG! I called the dr's office and yes I am actually PG. I am in shock. I was not expecting this cycle to work for some reason. I am really nervous for some reason? I am really excited and really nervous that I am excited already. It just seems like it is way to early to get excited, that I need to wait until at least the u/s or 12 weeks. I gave myself permission to get excited after 12 weeks so I am worried that I have already sprung into excitement mode. I know that this may not be a sure thing so I am afraid to start actually believing that this will turn out good in the end.

I am also suffering from the guilt thing. It seems to be fairly normal here in blog land, so I know I am not alone. Beating the odds with IVF twice seems so unfair when some of you are still waiting for your first success. I am not sure that it is survior guilt I am feeling? It's more like this intense feeling that I really wish no one had to suffer the pain of IF. I am not sure that I can really explain. But for now I am lucky I am PG and I promised myself if it ever happened again that I was going to enjoy it. The numbers are a little more than half of my last PG on the same testing day so I am thinking it is only one this time. I am sad that one embryo didn't make it, but given my issues at the end of my last PG it will definitely be a lot easier on my body.

Sorry I am so long winded today!

Take care and thank you for being there for me through all of this so far!