A better day...

Well finally the anxiety attack decided to float off for another day. It ended the last day of my cycle... Coincidence, I think not! After that I have one really awesome day then a couple days of depression, then back to normal! So normal I am, well as normal as I get. So now I wait for the next one.

Unfortunately the timing was off for my good day, so instead of enjoying my first day off since May scrapbooking I spent it in bed recharging. I am not happy about that but there is always another day to scrapbook I guess!

IVF Thoughts
Still waiting to hear from my clinic, my last test is next week... the wanding, my favorite one (ok maybe not!) I am hoping to get a call for a round at the beginning of my next cycle.

So what's swimming around my head? I am terrified that we are going to spend all that money again and it will not work, but I think that is a pretty basic fear for all us IVF'ers. Then there is always the thought that something bad will happen even if I am lucky enough to get a positive result. Two of my cycle buddies from before both got lucky enough to get PG a second time and they both are currently miscarrying. They both had boys first, and I read somewhere that if you have a boy first that your chances of miscarrying are higher. Great something else to worry about. So basically it's all the same stuff as the first time with some additional stuff I didn't know/think about the first time around. Knowledge is not always a good thing.

Something tells me that if I do actually manage to get PG I will not feel any better than I did last time. I will worry to much and not enjoy just being PG enough. So if I do ever get PG again, I will allow myself to be neurotic for the first 12 weeks then after that I must enjoy! I am going to hold myself to that one if it ever happens!

Sometimes I feel like I have used up my IVF luck and just move on, I wish it was just that easy.

To all my friends out there who are currently in the 2ww I wish you all success, more of us need to get out of this IVF/IF hell!

Quote of the day
You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.
Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924)

Warning kids discussed
They still can't wave bye bye yet but they are crawling! Good for babies, scary for mom. I guess it's past time to child proof the house! They both started within 5 minutes of each other and the next day they were both off. It's fun to call them and watch them go.

I am afraid to socialize them now as they might take toys from the other kids too!

Take care