Tuesday, August 01, 2006

A better day...

Well finally the anxiety attack decided to float off for another day. It ended the last day of my cycle... Coincidence, I think not! After that I have one really awesome day then a couple days of depression, then back to normal! So normal I am, well as normal as I get. So now I wait for the next one.

Unfortunately the timing was off for my good day, so instead of enjoying my first day off since May scrapbooking I spent it in bed recharging. I am not happy about that but there is always another day to scrapbook I guess!

IVF Thoughts
Still waiting to hear from my clinic, my last test is next week... the wanding, my favorite one (ok maybe not!) I am hoping to get a call for a round at the beginning of my next cycle.

So what's swimming around my head? I am terrified that we are going to spend all that money again and it will not work, but I think that is a pretty basic fear for all us IVF'ers. Then there is always the thought that something bad will happen even if I am lucky enough to get a positive result. Two of my cycle buddies from before both got lucky enough to get PG a second time and they both are currently miscarrying. They both had boys first, and I read somewhere that if you have a boy first that your chances of miscarrying are higher. Great something else to worry about. So basically it's all the same stuff as the first time with some additional stuff I didn't know/think about the first time around. Knowledge is not always a good thing.

Something tells me that if I do actually manage to get PG I will not feel any better than I did last time. I will worry to much and not enjoy just being PG enough. So if I do ever get PG again, I will allow myself to be neurotic for the first 12 weeks then after that I must enjoy! I am going to hold myself to that one if it ever happens!

Sometimes I feel like I have used up my IVF luck and just move on, I wish it was just that easy.

To all my friends out there who are currently in the 2ww I wish you all success, more of us need to get out of this IVF/IF hell!

Quote of the day
You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.
Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924)

Warning kids discussed
They still can't wave bye bye yet but they are crawling! Good for babies, scary for mom. I guess it's past time to child proof the house! They both started within 5 minutes of each other and the next day they were both off. It's fun to call them and watch them go.

I am afraid to socialize them now as they might take toys from the other kids too!

Take care

18 Comments:

At 10:14 a.m., August 01, 2006, Anonymous flygirl said...

There's just so much uncertainty in the life of an IFer. It's no wonder we all feel like we're crazy.

 
At 11:04 a.m., August 01, 2006, Blogger miraclebaby said...

I tried as hard as I could to enjoy my pregnancy, and to an extent I did, but there was that nagging fear the whole time, and come to think of it, it's still there....

 
At 1:49 p.m., August 01, 2006, Blogger Angie said...

I can't believe how bad this IF plagues you for life! Thinking of you!

 
At 4:52 p.m., August 01, 2006, Blogger My Reality said...

I am glad you are feeling better. Hormones suck!

 
At 5:42 p.m., August 01, 2006, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am glad that you are feeling better. I hope that your test next week goes well. Hang in there!

 
At 9:57 a.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger serenity said...

The uncertainty and worry is most definitely the WORST part of IF. What I wouldn't give to be back in the carefree, naive days of TTC... sigh.

I am very heartened to hear that you're feeling better though. That's good news!

 
At 10:26 a.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger Alli said...

Glad you're feeling better.

That is so sweet about the crawling! What a great milestone!

 
At 11:13 a.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger Demeter said...

I feel that ever since I got pregnant I have even mor things to worry about. Go figure... I guess it is my personality. Especially after a battle with IF. Hopefully you will get good news from the clinic and if you don't try, you just won't know if it will work or not. It must be adorable to see your two little ones crawling already. They are about to get in big trouble now... That will keep you more than busy.

 
At 11:58 a.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger Rumour Miller said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Were your boys born early? I have read some of your blog history but I don't recall coming across that.

Now that they are crawling, how busy are you ;o)

 
At 9:16 p.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger Samantha said...

I wish you all the best - a healthy pregnancy, rest, relaxation and a peace of mind. I am also in the tww, but we're doing it au natural. We'll see. . . we've been ttc for four years this month. I'm trying really hard not to think about it. If it weren't for my husband, I think I'd really just give up and enjoy life. Then, I'd probably get pregnant because, as everyone tells me, that's when it happens.

 
At 9:28 p.m., August 02, 2006, Anonymous Sarah said...

I am glad that the anxiety isn't quite as bad, but you are right, it doesn't really go away even if IVF works. Take care.

 
At 11:13 p.m., August 02, 2006, Blogger Maya said...

Glad you're resting and taking good care of yourself. It is amazing how the stress of IF and IVF can steal your energy.

 
At 5:35 a.m., August 03, 2006, Blogger Meg said...

But did you recharge?

Good.

Love to you.

 
At 9:59 a.m., August 03, 2006, Blogger The Town Criers said...

I just found your blog today. We're in the same boat--twins after A.R.T. and now trying for another. And the decisions are so hard. Financially. What I'm willing to do to my body. Is there a stopping point when you've already started down the road? Looking forward to continuing to read your story.

 
At 10:02 a.m., August 03, 2006, Blogger The Town Criers said...

Solaris--this is seriously how tired I am. I just started rolling down the page to read the next entry and I'm like, "hey! I read this blog all the time." Can you tell that I read way too many blogs? Seriously ignore me. I'm going in the kitchen to get more coffee right now...

 
At 10:29 a.m., August 03, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

Good luck next week. IF sucks and there is just no other way to put it. The worry is always there. Then when you are pg, you try not to worry anymore or think negatively but after years of infertility and let down it is so hard not to.

How exciting that they are crawling around!

 
At 12:25 p.m., August 03, 2006, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I am glad the panic attacks are gone. I can't imagine you've used up all your IVF luck. The money worry is the worst, I think I could handle the rest of the crap if it wasn't for the expense.

 
At 11:22 a.m., August 04, 2006, Blogger GLouise said...

Glad that the panic attack went away. Sounds scary.


Take care,

 

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