Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Thank you...

I would like to thank everyone for their kind words during such a difficult time for me. It makes me even sadder that most of you are still waiting for your first success. IVF can be a cruel and painful way to continue fighting the infertility battle.

What's next for us? Continue to count our blessing of our lonely successful cycle. Pray for the strength to be a good parent even with the empty feeling of a non-successful cycle, which to me is the most important goal right now.

What do I want? I want to do another fresh cycle. If only the money was available for such things. We are trying to figure out what we can sell to pay for another go round the craziness wheel. But really do I want to go through all of this again? The chance that it may never work again is scaring the crap out of me.

Oh and to top it off Aunt Flo is hiding somewhere? I have had two previous failed cycles, the first one aunt F made her appearance before my PG test (ya and they say the drugs are supposed to stop that!!) and the second one my cycle started immediately after I stopped the meds. So I stopped the meds on Saturday and still nothing... it's messing with my head! My cycle waits for nothing... not even when I was b/fing after my successful cycle. So I phoned my clinic, they just annoyed the crap out of me. The gal was very nice but said if I was so worried I should phone my family doctor... I guess I didn't pay enough for after care? Oh ya and she did say sorry about your failed cycle and I see you have no frozen embryo's left, I guess you should just be happy with your twins. WTF... no I am not happy about my twins you dumb idiot! What do you think after everything we have been through don't you think I ALREADY am thankful. They need to send some of these idiots on sensitivity training. I get that 'thankful' comment so often I am so sick to death of it... STOP making me feel like I don't deserve a successful PG just because I have had one before (and that one was so easy... 11 years TTC then 2 failed rounds of IVF before success... ya that was REALLY easy... I just don't understand what my problem is! Ok enough with the sarcasm!)

It's official I hate the nurses at my clinic!! I guess when you keep going back for more you are bound to hit a bunch of bad ones!

I may need to take a bit of a break for a while but I will pop in from time to time and I will be back. I am weary from the battle and need to recharge and figure out what is next.

I wish all of you still fighting the battle success very soon and those who have the strength to move on I hope you find all the peace and happiness you deserve.

Take care

24 Comments:

At 3:17 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger Alli said...

Oh, Soralis!! I'm so sorry about everything. And what is WITH these health care providers and their lack of tact lately? Or anything even closely resembling it!

Thinking of you.

 
At 3:23 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger Courtney said...

Babe I am thinking about you ((HUGS)). Money, money, money ... it all boils down to it eh ... how sad is that?

I hope you take the time you need and the money falls to you from heaven.

 
At 3:31 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger DD said...

Yep. That's why I'm trying add to my family: because my first one is kind of a pain and has been such a disappointment to us all. I'm sure a second pregnancy would be much better and that the our new child would be the answer to all the world's problems.

The woman you talked to at your clinic needs a bitch slap, and bad.

I really hope you decide to stick around. I didn't think I wanted to after our 2nd IVF failed, but I've realized that there's so much support and community and insights to life from blogs. I know I would certainly love to hear stories of your twins or even day-to-day observations. A blog just isn't a way of letting people in on your life. It's a way to verbalize to yourself the things that stick out in your mind...even if it's something as mundane as how you sort the laundry; how much food you keep in the pantry; or how your husband's inability to shut all the drawers on the dresser drives you certifiable.

 
At 9:33 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger Sarah said...

Soralis, I am so sorry that things are so sad right now for you. There is nothing that I can say to provide you with any comfort except that I am thinking about you. Sending a big hug!!

 
At 10:14 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger the waiting line said...

so sorry about the stupidity of the nurses.

thinking of you.

 
At 11:49 PM, May 23, 2006, Blogger sube said...

Hoping you find some peace with all of this. Take care of yourself.

 
At 5:35 AM, May 24, 2006, Blogger Meg said...

Soralis - I guess I just want to say thank you for your support over the last few weeks. Have a beautiful break.xxx

 
At 6:19 AM, May 24, 2006, Anonymous Lori said...

I'm so sorry you had to deal with such ignorance from the nurse. As if you need that right now, or ever really.
I will be hoping you find a way to recharge and the finances work themselves out for another cycle.

 
At 6:28 AM, May 24, 2006, Blogger serenity said...

Soralis - I am SO sorry. I would be sad to see you go, but take all the time you need. I wish you peace and healing.

And tell me where this nurse is and I'll go kick her in the kneecaps. People are so fvcking stupid sometimes.

HUGS.

 
At 7:50 AM, May 24, 2006, Blogger Flygirl said...

Recharge, my friend. I'll be thinking about you.

 
At 9:44 AM, May 24, 2006, Blogger Barely Sane said...

I'm sorry about the nurses and all the stupid comments. I'll keep my fingers crossed that some day, somehow, you'll be able to give your boys a sister or 2.

As for the lack of AF, after one of my frozen cycles, she showed pdq but after the other, she took FOR-EV-ER!!!

HUGS! And I hope you dont stay away too long.

 
At 2:44 PM, May 24, 2006, Blogger UtRus said...

soralis, i am so so sorry. just cathing up with you today. crap. and those nurses should be slapped. hard. imagine telling YOU you should be grateful? give me a break. i have never heard you be ANYTHING but grateful.

take as much time to re-charge as you need and know that we're thinking of you. you know, you mean a lot to me here in the online community. someone who has some success and then sicks around to support others is rare and needed.

hugs

 
At 2:56 PM, May 24, 2006, Blogger One Mother's Journey said...

I'm sorry the woman you talked to at your clinic was so clueless. I hope you don't disappear for long - I'd miss you terribly.

 
At 4:09 PM, May 24, 2006, Anonymous KIMMER said...

WTF, is wrong with stupid wanker bitch at the clinic? Call your family Dr? You have got to be kidding. Soralis, I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and I love your sarcasm, take a break, but please don't stay gone for long.
Thinking of you,
Kim

 
At 5:27 PM, May 24, 2006, Blogger Lisa said...

Oh, Soralis. I'm just so very sorry. Such sad sad news. Do whatever you have to in order to find yourself in a more peaceful place. I'll be here when you get back.

 
At 5:57 PM, May 24, 2006, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I am so very sorry. I hope that you are able to come up with the money for another cycle if that's what you want to do. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 
At 6:08 AM, May 25, 2006, Blogger JEN said...

Honey, I know how much the thankful comment sucks! Really people just don't think. Would you put yourself and family through all of this if you weren't looking for more?? No! So screw them. However, I do hope that you are able to find peace for now, until you are ready to move on to your next step. It's not easy. I know I'm still not even ready to think about it. It's a painful decision either way. My email is mj w699 @ yahoo. com ( no spaces)

 
At 1:00 PM, May 25, 2006, Blogger Demeter said...

Soralis,
I am so sorry you feel this way. Could the medical community be wrong about your Beta's and have confused them with someone elses'? Whatever you do from here, I wish you will find some renewed strength. There are many creative ways to raise funds. Don't worry, they will come up. You never know. Don't give up on me. I hope you come back to tell us more about you! Love reading you!

 
At 1:03 PM, May 25, 2006, Blogger Katie said...

I'm so sorry! I hope that you will find a way to add to your precious family soon.

 
At 1:13 PM, May 25, 2006, Blogger Rumour Miller said...

Recharge and please come back... won't be the same in Blogville without you.

 
At 2:56 PM, May 25, 2006, Blogger Beagle said...

I'm always angry when I hear about insensitive people working in healthcare. It's hard to be a nice nurse all the time (trust me, I know) but there is no need to take out a bad day on a patient who's having a much worse day.

Pooh on the nasty nurse!

We has an awful nurse at my clinic, but luckily she left after about a month or so. Hopefully she did not have a chance to do much damage in that time.

 
At 12:41 AM, May 26, 2006, Blogger Thalia said...

Oh I'm sorry you got such stupid comments from the clinic. What asses. Hoping that your period arrives soon so you can draw a line under this cycle.

 
At 9:03 AM, May 26, 2006, Blogger Angie said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry! I'm sorry that only stupid nurses work in this field. Please know that I am thinking of you.

 
At 10:28 AM, May 26, 2006, Blogger GLouise said...

Thinking of you,

 

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