Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Oh to be young and naive...

So I was out at a card making class last night (stampin up if you are familiar with the company). It was a blast! I was sitting at the young person table though. The gal that was teaching the class had a beautiful new house, got to love the smell of a brand new house. She is also getting married in June. A bunch of the gals knew each other and they were talking about getting married and newlywed stuff. (After almost 12 years of marriage there isn't too much 'new' around here. LOL)

Then the conversation turned to my favorite - babies! Yes then one of the gals said pretty soon there is going to be lots of babies around because we are all going to be pregnant. As I am sitting there in my corner just breathing, praying to god that one or both (prefer both, can't stand the thought of loosing another embryo) of my little ones stuck. Then the thought occurred to me, there was about 5 or 6 of them there, given the odds chances are at least one of them will have problems conceiving. I said a quiet prayer that these gals, which I didn't really know, never NEVER have to go through what I have to have a baby. I remember those days when Pregnancy was considered the 'next step', something that would just happen. I miss those days, especially as I sit here not so patienty waiting during my 2ww.

I realized just how much stronger I was then when I began this journey and just how different I was that these gals. Yes there was a few years between us but not that many. I carry battle scars that will last me a lifetime, that has changed my whole outlook on life over the years. Not that change is a bad thing, just that I am different now.

I just wanted to blurt out 'you never know what life has in store, be strong no matter what' and of course 'fertility is not guaranteed'. Instead I sat quietly in the corner wishing them all the best and hoping that I will be able to experience pregnancy just one more time.

By the way I really enjoyed the card making, it was nice to take my mind of my 2ww for a while.

To answer some questions.
ankaisa wondered - What did the negative embryologist say then? Well it wasn't that she said it wasn't going to work, but she wasn't really positive at all. Maybe it was the nasty look on her face that made me feel uncomfortable. She just wasn't like the gal from Friday who was all positive and bubbly. I asked if it looked ok and she didn't really answer, she seemed annoyed that I even asked a question. She was in a big hurry to get out of there. It was just weird.

Thanks everyone for the wonderful positive thoughts!

FET Thoughts
Ok so the first week was supposed to be easy... I think it would have been much easier if I knew that I still had frosties. I pray that my 'snowflakes' have stuck! I do feel different but I know it's just the nasty drugs playing with my mind! I am praying that Hope and Mother Nature are on my side just one more time!

Quote of the day
"Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence is the key to unlocking our potential."
- Liane Cardes

(Guess that person never went through infertility where strength is a must!! :))

Warning kids discussed
Everyday I look at my boys and pray that soon there will be another sibling (or 2) to join them. The more time I spend with them the more I want another child. I love them so much that I can't imagine not having another. Am I greedy, maybe? But they are children how could someone not want more? I must admit that my life is better since they came around and I have never felt so much joy and never been happier. I am truly lucky and they are each a miracle in a little package.

That's all I have to say today

Take care

18 Comments:

At 9:59 AM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Beagle said...

Oh to be young and naive indeed! I guess it's not a bad thing to be wiser. It's just that the wisdom is often won through some serious hardships.

Glad your class was a (mostly) fun distraction!

 
At 10:05 AM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Alli said...

It's funny how your perspective changes - stay strong. There are so many people who are hoping and praying for you!!

Isn't card making so much fun??

How is your husband handling the 2ww??

 
At 11:09 AM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Dream Mommy said...

Yeah, I remember when I used to think that I'd get married, then pregnant a couple years later. Was a ever wrong!

Most days I doubt I will ever become pregnant. I still hope I will, but have a bad feeling that I won't.

I hope your two embies stick around for the rest of your life and then some.

 
At 11:18 AM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Thalia said...

I'm hoping very hard for both those embryos as well. You never know. And I think your kind thoughts to those young women were very sweet.

 
At 11:35 AM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Stephanie said...

i am wishing both of those embryos are in it for the long haul.

i remember waiting to conceive until after my wedding...thinking it would be so easy to get preg and have a baby. now i wish i had started sooner.

 
At 12:40 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Yeah, I thought the same thing as most of you. We were "waiting to get pregnant" until we were "ready."

Now that we're "ready" we find out about our infertility. I guess it's better than having our dreams shot down so early in our relationships - at least this way we are more mature and strong to handle the struggles of infertility than if we had looked into a crystal ball and seen the difficulty the future would hold.

I am praying for you, your husband, and your embies!

 
At 1:36 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Angie said...

Great post!! Glad to hear that you are passing your 2ww time. Sometimes (okay everyday) I wish that this was all a bad dream or I think that BT isn't as serious as it is. Then I wake up, reality hits, and I choke up!

Gosh, I wish this was over-- GOOD LUCK!

 
At 4:21 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Sarah said...

It feels like a loss of innocence, doesn't it? We are used to having control over our lives. We choose to go to school, then to get married and have a career. Everything is on our terms. Then suddenly we are hit with something that is completely out of the realm of our control. For us "A-types" out there, that is a hard fact to accept.

Hope that the 2ww goes by quickly for you.

 
At 8:07 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Barely Sane said...

I remember being that naive. I remember having those same thoughts and saying those same words. Ah, how life has a way of making you eat shit. LOL. But would I trade it for the easier route? I dont know... I honestly dont know.

I truly do hope your precious boys have a couple mischievious sisters to keep them on their toes.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you! I have a great feeling about it!

 
At 8:28 PM, May 10, 2006, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

You are right, I think some younger friends have taken a look at there own plans after seeing us near year 3 of ttc.

So far so good. I'm hoping and praying for you.

 
At 6:09 AM, May 11, 2006, Blogger serenity said...

I sometimes wish that I could just go back to being young and naive. Right now I don't feel much like I'm strong at all, but the battle scars (scabs?) are definitely there.

I am glad to hear that *you* are feeling strong, and I am sending many positive thoughts and hopes to those embryos.

 
At 9:57 AM, May 11, 2006, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

It is funny how much this journey changes you and your perspective. You learn that nothing is guaranteed no matter how much you want it.

I am very much hoping that one or both of your little snowflakes stick. Hugs!

 
At 10:29 AM, May 11, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

It's never to early to start thinking "what if".

I'm hoping and praying for you that this cycle has worked!

 
At 4:38 AM, May 12, 2006, Blogger Beth said...

Sounds like the class was fun! Its a hard thing to keep mum when folks around you are talking about pregnancy in that "its the logical next step tone", especially when we know all too well that it doesn't always work out that way. Hang in there, I've got everything crossed for you.

 
At 7:33 AM, May 12, 2006, Blogger GLouise said...

Best wishes to you!

 
At 11:13 AM, May 13, 2006, Blogger the_road_less_travelled said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:14 AM, May 13, 2006, Blogger the_road_less_travelled said...

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 
At 2:39 AM, May 15, 2006, Blogger Meg said...

Soralis - you did a great job not saying anything... I almost told some year 7 girls who were telling me what they were going to name their kids that not everyone can have kids... now that's mean-spirited, haha. Hope the 2ww is treating you well. x

 

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