Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Wee wonders and other things (warning kids discussed)

Well it isn't snowing today so there is no floating flakes to view this morning. Instead I sit and look at my wee ones and wonder how I got so lucky? It is amazing to see them playing and smiling at mom. How did they grow so fast, 7 months already? Most of the time I don't believe they came from inside me? As they grow I wonder even more where they came from, am I really a mom? Every little finger, every little toe is so precious and the smiles are like sunshine on a cloudy day. As I sit and wonder what they will be it also crosses my mind that there are actually children out there who are abused and hurt by those that are supposed to protect them. I wonder how someone could hurt something so precious. It makes me sad that every child does not get the love they deserve and that there is so many people out there that would take care of those children if they were given the gift instead. I learned very young that the world is not a fair place and as I age it keeps getting beat into my head... enough already I get IT!

I look at my wee ones in their bib overalls and wonder what they will want to be when they grow up. I worry that they will be unhappy like I was growing up. I worry that I am not being the best mom I can be for them. I worry... I worry... I worry... But I also enjoy every moment I have with them as I know they will not be so little for very long.

So people wonder why I am not spoiling my boys with 'things'. Toys and such. It's not that they don't have any toys but they certainly don't have everything. Friends and family make me feel like a bad person for not spoiling my boys with stuff. I know what it's like to have a lot of stuff and trust me it can't make you happy. What I wouldn't have done to just be good enough for my mom and have a decent relationship with her instead. So because I know stuff doesn't make you happy I would rather spoil my boys with love and attention. I just hope they never feel what it is like to never please a parent or feel like they are not good enough or have all their self esteem stripped away by those that are supposed to love you. I hope I can do so much better for my boys than buy them stuff. (Although I am sure they would like stuff I can never get for them anyway :) )

And now they sleep, nap time, I wish them sweet dreams.

FET Thoughts

I wonder if the scars of IVF and infertility will ever go away and not really matter anymore. I suppose they will always be there but they will fade over time. If the next FET doesn't work I suppose it will always leave a pang of pain in my heart. It would be yet another loss of something that I never had. We only have 4 frozen embies left when they are gone we are done as I cannot afford another Fresh round of IVF. I wish I could but I can't go into more debt when I already have 2 precious angels to worry about. Well there is always the lottery I guess (I can dream right!! ha ha)

So today I am hopeful, I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Quote of the Day
"Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich."
- Sarah Bernhardt


At 12:51 p.m., February 28, 2006, Blogger Em said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'll add you to my list when I update it soon.

At 6:10 p.m., February 28, 2006, Blogger Beth said...

I think you definitely have the right prerogative about spoiling the boys with love and attention, rather than material things.

Thinking good thoughts for the upcoming FET.


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