Thoughts on another go at IVF

Thoughts on another go at IVF and miscellaneous ranting!

Well as of December we are on the waiting list again for another Frozen Embryo transfer. I have to go through another HSG and another ultrasound. The ultrasound is no biggy but I am not looking forward to the HSG. Oh well if I get pregnant again it will be all worth it.

I am so nervous about going through the whole process again, the first 3 times were no fun at all. The worst part is that you go through all this emotional stuff then you get pregnant and all of a sudden you get everything you ever wanted so the old stuff should go away right? Wrong! My pregnancy was wonderful, I think I had double the happy hormones with having twins and I was so happy but when it was all over I realized that the old pain of the previous year was still there. Now it was even harder to deal with as I was pregnant and I had 2 healthy boys, so it was like I had no right to complain. I guess 10 years of infertility does take its toll on a person, but now all the friends you have met along the way you really don't want to burden with 'your issues' as they are still fighting for their own families. So now where do I fit? It seems to me that those that get pregnant don't really talk about the 'before' anymore. I also found that while I was struggling I really didn't have any sympathy for those who got pg, so I really don't want to unload on the people who really do understand the pain of IVF. Anyway I am still struggling with the old 'stuff' so I am nervous of going down that road again, but I really want to have more children.

So now I am playing the waiting game again and the hoping. Yes if it doesn't work I was lucky to have the boys... I am getting really sick of hearing that. It was like before I had them hearing, oh it will happ... just relax! (Ya it happened but it sure wasn't because I was relaxed!!) And why the heck shouldn't I be upset if it doesn't happen again?? It really is the same as before I had children. I want another child and if I loose another embryo it will hurt just as much as the first 7 I lost. Ok so if I was reading this before my dear sons I would have thought whatever she should be happy with what she has stop complaining? I am sorry if I have offended anyone still trying that is not my intention, just be prepared if you have success life can still be as difficult if you are trying again. That is one thing I was not prepared for!! I thought after I had a pregnancy that infertility would be behind me… I wish.

I am now sure that another pregnancy would not put all that crap behind me, I guess it will always be with me but that's ok it will always be a reminder of how lucky I am to have my twins and hopefully another baby!!

Enough ranting about the past, on to the future! I am really hoping the next transfer works, I am not sure if I am all that prepared if it doesn't. I really want to get pregnant again, the longing for another is just as bad as before, maybe worse because now I know how wonderful it is (hmm after 3 months of bed rest you would think I would be over that). I am hoping that we have a singleton next time as another set of twins would be difficult with twin toddlers around. I am not sure how many embies we are going to transfer next time as I am really nervous about twins, how could I do 3 months of bed rest with small ones around the house? I have already determined that my family will be of NO help at all so I would be screwed. I wouldn't complain if I had another set though as if it happens again it would be my last pregnancy and I wouldn't complain about having more kids.

I don't think there is anyway that I can prepare myself for the next go round as I haven't tried this after being pregnant and I know that each time is a truly unique experience with a whole new set of things to worry/think about.

Anyway wish me luck and I will keep you posted as the process really gets going. I have my next dr's appointment on Feb 15th to get the HSG scheduled.