Wednesday, February 15, 2006

HSG Anyone?

Well today is the day I go to get my paperwork for my next HSG. Yuck! It is starting to feel more real that we are actually going to try another round of IVF. I am glad it's just a frozen cycle though as it is a lot easier than the egg retrieval 'stuff'. If it wasn't for the frosties we would be done anyway as we couldn't afford another fresh cycle.

So you are reading this post and wonder what the heck an HSG is... here is my attempt at some humor. So the first time you go for an HSG the good news is the dr. tells you a lot of people get PG after and HSG as it clears things out (ie your tubes). Oh goody something to look forward too! The short form of an HSG is they inject some dye into your uterus (through the opening that already exists) and xray it to see if your tubes are blocked and I also think they check the shape of the uterus as well. (My version, a nasty dye test that makes you want to strangle the dr.)

So you have to call the first day of your cycle (after charting for 3 years it might as well become public knowledge that today is day one of your cycle!!). So the clinic calls you back and books you an appointment for day 3 of your cycle (ok now I am mortified I have to see a dr. and I have my period... great!). Ok the 3rd day arrives and you show up for your appt. A nice nurse shows you to a change room and gets you to gown up, and reminds you to remove your underwear (WTF it's day 3 you crazy woman I am still flowing HELLO!). So you get all ready and PRAY you don't have an 'accident'. You wait and wait and wait. Finally the nurse comes in and says the dr is late you can go sit in the waiting room with your husband (duh what about the underwear? So you put it back on and go and sit with your dear husband who left work to take you for the dye test. It's a dye test how bad can it be?? They said there could be a little cramping, hmm how bad can it be.) So after sitting there for an hour in your fancy hospital duds the dr. finally will be there shortly. The nurse says come on in. (Duh the underwear again, have to go 'get ready') In to the room you go. There is a nice tray with one of those sterilized green hospital drapes on it but you can see stuff poking out. Like the metal alligator (holly frick it looks HUGE!)

So you lay down on the table, after quite some time the dr FINALLY makes his appearance. (OK so I have had major surgery this doc. has seen EVERYTHING so I am trying to stay calm) So they start with the metal alligator. (I swear to god it felt like they could have pushed a large baby through the opening they created! Ok maybe not that bad, but it did feel worse than the average tool used for a pap smear!) What's next, the dr. cleans off the cervix. (WTF is this guy late for an appt or does he have to go pee or something... can ya be a little gentle, I wonder how he would feel if someone man handled his 'jewels' like that!!) I really didn't enjoy that at all, and why the heck does my cervix need cleaning anyway, it has been that way for how many years?? Then the dye 'injector' comes. When the dr. says this may pinch a little he is LYING. (Pinch a little, what the heck is that all about??? He should have his 'jewels' pinched a little and see what he thinks, maybe he will rethink the words 'a little')

Well we have made it this far, phew. The pinching should be the worst right? WRONG! So the dr. starts injecting the dye and happily says you can watch on the screen. (Hmmm I thought that was pretty cool, you could see the uterus start filling up... then HOLLY FIRE-TRUCK, OUCH. What the heck... ya I am not watching that anymore.) The more the dye moved upward on the monitor the more 'uncomfortable' it got. (Ya like one freaking tylenol pre-procedure is going help that!!) So then we get up to the tubes, yup they are both clear. Then the dr. behind the 'glass' (The dude that interprets the results) says we can't see the right tube very well can you roll over. Did I mention all the 'stuff' is still in the nether regions? (WTF you want me to roll over? Are you freakin nuts. How about we stand on your 'jewels' and see if you want to roll over, how about we just drive over you with a freakin car? Yes I was happy especially since I didn't even have a right ovary so who the heck cares if the tube is open or not? DID YA READ MY CHART???) My dr. tried to tell dumarce behind the window that I had no right ovary but he waited until I was trying to roll. I imagine my disgust and/or pain was quite visible on my face as the nurse kept asking me if I was OK (So what would they have done if I said no? Ya I am freakin OK I feel like I am having surgery without any pain meds... ya I am freaking OK? You want to swap roles for 10 mins!)

Finally the dye injection stops and the freakin rolling from side to side is DONE. It's like a HUGE relief, good lord I haven't even slapped someone yet today. So you look at the clock it feels like an hour has passed, hmm 15 mins with the dye and That's it. They made me lay there for a little while I guess I was a little pale. Personally I just wanted to get the frick out of there, get my underwear and go home! So finally you get to go, they send you to the biffy to clean up if you are lucky you get the room with the biffy attached, otherwise you have to cross the hall (great I hope I don't make a mess). So you clean up, get dressed and go home. After spending approx 1/2 hour in 'the room' you feel like you have been hit by a truck. But once again you have HOPE as the tubes weren't blocked YEY... little did I know I was on my way to an 'unexplained' infertility diagnosis.

If you haven't had an HSG and have to have one it really isn't so bad, it is over with so quickly!! Thank goodness!

Hope I 'injected' some humor into your day! Yes that was supposed to be somewhat funny!!


At 7:21 PM, February 16, 2006, Anonymous Lori said...

The only good thing about an hsg is how quickly it's over. Hated mine. Hope you still get the all clear.


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