Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Arrg.. to the Fertile ones!!

The frustration continues! Ok so I know these two gals with 'fertility issues' (I wouldn't call them fertility issues myself but each to their own, they are entitled!)

So gal A calls me after the FIRST month of trying to get PG. She is young, only 22. Well anyway she didn't get PG the first month of trying. (OMG how awful I am thinking, but I have to be nice, cause that would be rude.) She phoned me cause I had experience with not getting PG. Ok so I felt bad for her cause you never know what you are in for and I wasn't using the standard... Relax it will happen... or you're trying to hard... etc you know them all if you have been there. Needless to say I would not have called someone to yammer on about how difficult it is not to be PG after 1 MONTH of trying when that person had tried for 11 years. She wondered what she should say to the people that told her to Relax and it will happen as she figured that I have heard that a couple of times (Ya that and When am I going to get grandkids... we won't go there right now though). So anyway I told her that I really wanted to tell these people to f-off but didn't think that was something I should say so I said I just ignored it (and let it fester inside my already deep cavernous pit of pain.. I didn't tell her that part though) Anyway I bit my lip and was very nice eventhough the whole time I was thinking call me back in 6 months then I will be ready to help you out a bit... I guess after 11 years I am a little grumpier than when I started. I tried to reassure her that I had read that there is only a 25% chance that you can get PG in any given cycle. So two more months passed and I got the crying calls that she wasn't PG and how awful it was. I did feel bad for her as I wouldn't wish any fertility issues on anyone... Needless to say the next month she was PG. Well at least now I don't hear from her once a month. I did myself feel like crap though. WTF yet another one gets PG the 'old fashion way'? It still sends a pang of pain every time I hear another one is PG. (I really wonder if that will ever stop bugging me) Did I mention that this gal is seriously over weight and doesn't eat properly at all, even being PG she is not eating well... Now that just pisses me off... at least take care of yourself for your baby's sake. Not like I care if she is big, no offence intended to anyone on the larger side of the scale. Hey I am there too (a little on the large size). Well that was gal A!

On to Gal B. So this friend knows EXACTLY what I have been through. She tried for 6 months and couldn't get PG so she had to take clomid for 3 months and bango PG! So I think that is 9 months of trying if I do my math correctly? Ya she knows EXACTLY what I went through, I am sure she totally understands what 2 failed IVF cycles feel like too!!! Not that I am saying that what she went through wasn't difficult. It's the worst thing that she has ever been through in her life so I am quite sure it felt horrible, but for god sakes don't tell someone that was TTC for as long as we have that she knows what I am going through. Anyway she has a 2 year old. I haven't heard from her for a while but for some reason she decided to call me. They wanted to have another kid but clomid is so difficult (I wouldn't know I was on and off it for 3 years) she wasn't sure if she wanted to go through all that again. Me being a little hardened by the whole journey is thinking ... buck up it only took ya 3 tries the last time, it may just work again this time... isn't a little discomfort worth it if you really want to try again?? But that is just my lousy tainted opinion. (I would go through a fresh cycle of IVF again if I could afford it and let me tell ya clomid was a cake walk compared to egg retrieval, but that's just my opinion). Back to the story. So this gal was bitching about clomid and not sure if she should or not cause its so HARD. I bit both of my lips again and was very nice and asked her if it was worth it the first time?? She agreed it was but she swore she would never take clomid again because it made her crabby (Ok like she is the moodiest person I know like she would get any crabbier... long story won't go there). Well anyway she decided to go off the pill cause her hubby really wanted to try again. Guess what she phoned me the next month to tell me she was PG. She wasn't happy??? WTF?? I think she just called to rub it in that she was PG. Ok so guess what I feel like crap again. The gold old feeling of why her and not me, what the heck did I do to p*ss off mother nature?

Will the pain of IF ever go away? I don't think so. I think it will lessen over the years but no matter what comes my way, even if I had 5 kids it would still be there. Oh well I guess it is what is part of the definition of what makes me who I am.

IF sucks!


At 8:02 p.m., February 08, 2006, Anonymous Lori said...

You need caller ID so you can effectively dodge these calls. How you didn't hang up on these twits, I'll never know.


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